A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have a question about a guy I am interested in that I may be starting to date (assuming he moves things forward with me). He has been separated for three years and his divorce paperwork is with the lawyers. His ex-wife is not contesting the divorce. I think he was hung up on her for a while, but he appears to be over it. I understand you can never be too sure of that in the beginning. He also just recently split up with a woman he was dating "on and off for a year and a half" that he says he was never very into. I understand the divorce is a red flag. However, I found another red flag last week when I found out that both of these women are Japanese. He and I are both white. He even made the comment, "I haven't gone out with a white girl in a while". Also, for the past fifteen or so years, he has worked in the "Japanese practices" of large financial services firms.He says he "accidentally" fell into all of this asian culture, however, I worry that he seriously prefers asian women and that this will be an obstacle for his ever really wanting me. I do sense that something is off in the chemistry, when we kiss it is - well it starts out nice, but then it feels like something is missing.I'm essentially at the point where I need him to make the next move and pursue me romantically. I will not chase him, but I am receptive to his overtures. (we work together so we see each other often) If he decides not to pursue me, I will be fine, it's not like I am that emotionally invested.I am just wondering if anyone has any insight to why some white men prefer asian women. And - does that mean that they really do not find white women attractive? Even if the white woman is attractive? What if he really enjoys being with the white woman? It just seems like there are a lot of things going for the two of us to making it as a couple. But the two things that make me pause are his extensive involvement in Asian culture (as a white guy) and his divorce not being final yet.Thanks.
View related questions:
divorce, ex-wife, his ex, split up Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, hlskitten  +, writes (26 January 2008):
 I wouldnt look too far into the divorce, especially if they have been estranged for some time now. The divorce is just a technicality. Time will sort that.
Are you sure he hasnt just dated Asian women because its where he works? I mean, its quite common to meet a partner through work so thats not so unusual.
Its no secret that guys like big boobs. I havent got big boobs, but that doesnt mean when i get with a guy they are always hankering after big boobed women. Atleast i hope not! hehe But you know what i mean.
The chemistry thing could be a concern, and you seem a bit non plussed about it all, saying if he doesnt persue things, you wont be too bothered.
Do you feel its not really moving at the pace you would like? Maybe it isnt right. Maybe you have a bit of a barrier up if you think hes not that into you?
What does he say about fancying Asian women?
I do know of one guy that only dates chinese women, well, i say only dates them, he has a child with one and is now with another and people say he only likes oriental women. But i dont think its that common to have such a preference really?
C xxxxx
A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (26 January 2008):
 No, Really, write to me at my mailbox...
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your response. The chemistry being off is a puzzle to me. Because there is definitely chemistry there when we are doing everything else, holding hands, cuddling, talking, etc.... But the kissing is just a little off. Granted we haven't done it that much, but it's never really taken much for me to feel the sparks fly when I start kissing someone.I guess taking it slow is really the only way. And keeping my options open in the process.
...............................
A
female
reader, birdynumnums +, writes (26 January 2008):
I think that I would just take things very slowly and see how it all develops. He might have simply been that involved because of proximity, "any port in a storm", and not for any other reason. I think the bigger "red flag" is how you felt about the lack of chemistry. Feel free to write me at my mailbox.
...............................
|
