A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boy friend for a year we are getting physical now but there is a problem. I am not a virgin and he is, and that bothers him so we always get in arguements for that reason. What should i do if we fight alot but still want to get "physical" but i know we'll get in a arguement later for that reason? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2010): I'm sure the girl had her reasons to have sex. Mitigating circumstances, or maybe just personal choice, growth, learning experience, etc.
But her BF is a real person with a backstory and feelings too. I'm sure he could give a stack of reasons and factors for why he is still a virgin and why he wants a virgin GF to share that with.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2010): This feeling is perfectly normal for guys to have. We just don't like the implications of that so we act like it's not normal.
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A
female
reader, loveistheanswer +, writes (16 December 2010):
 shaking my head... sometimes we get questions here from girls who are virgins and they are complaining because it is a problem to their potential partners... and in your case its a problem because you're NOT one... so here's the conclusion... there's no problem, no problem at all, whether you're a virgin or not, the person needs to get over it, they have you as they found you, if they can't love you as they found you, they need to go fly a kite... stop worrying about this, at your young age if this guy can't get over the fact that you're not a virgin, then it's his loss, not yours, perhaps his ego is forcing him to go out and sow his oats some in order to feel more like a man with the girl he is in a relationship with... there's nothing you can do about that if that's the way he feels....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2010): Why's it such an issue that you're not a virgin? If he likes/loves you, he shouldn't care. If he doesn't like it then that's HIS problem.
He sounds a little insecure.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes he is a jealous type and very jelouse and for some reason he thinks that when were doinf stuff together that im thinking of the guy i lost my virginity to but ive told him that that was in my past way in the past so many years but he stilk wont understand...also thanku all for the advice
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A
male
reader, lionelhutz +, writes (16 December 2010):
I think it's a combination of feelings of jealousy and inferiority on his part, though he has no reason to feel either. Some guys can deal with it, some can't. Perhaps his age is contributing to it, but seems to me he simply can't deal with "the problem."
Whatever it is, anonymous brings up a good point: if he's having a problem dealing with this now, who knows what he might have a problem with down the line.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (16 December 2010):
 Why is it a problem that you are not a virgin? Could it be he's not a man you should be with if this is constantly argued about, as you wont ever grow back into being a virgin, so the whole debate is pointless? Why does he argue about this? Does he offer any solution, do you think there is a rational reason behind this that will go away? If not then... why are you with this man?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2010): You need to be honest with yourself. If he has issues already, it could escalate into a bigger deal for him later. Does he seem the jealous type? Does he ask you who it was? These are all red flags. Good luck with him.
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A
female
reader, awy6 +, writes (16 December 2010):
well i understand where you are coming from, that has happened to me before but you just have to explain to him that they don't matter now, your with him, and thats it. he prob just thinks he wont be as good as them and is affraid you wont like it etc, normal virgins feel that way. you just have to tell him that he means more to you and if he has the prob of he thinks hes not gunna be good enough, encourage him. make him feel like you do enjoy it and let him know what you do like. that makes my boyfriend feel good when i tell him what i like and he can do it for me instead of waiting till he does it. good luck! hope all goes well
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A
female
reader, awy6 +, writes (16 December 2010):
well i understand where you are coming from, that has happened to me before but you just have to explain to him that they don't matter now, your with him, and thats it. he prob just thinks he wont be as good as them and is affraid you wont like it etc, normal virgins feel that way. you just have to tell him that he means more to you and if he has the prob of he thinks hes not gunna be good enough, encourage him. make him feel like you do enjoy it and let him know what you do like. that makes my boyfriend feel good when i tell him what i like and he can do it for me instead of waiting till he does it
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