A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone,I've been in a relationship for almost 3 years, engaged for one, but 18 months ago it became long distance of about 4 hours due to monetary issues.For the past 3-4 months, however, I've been doubting about where we're going next and it's come to the point where I'm sure I want to break up.This is where it gets awkward for me. I realise that breaking up by email alone is pretty cold and wimpy and it's best to do it on the phone when long distance, but neither of us is really a talker, and I'm a writer (I have a degree in creative writing) which means I can say a lot more in words than by speaking. I've composed a long email (by which I mean 3 size-12 font pages) describing and justifying my reasons which I want to send once I've fully made up my mind (I'm worried that if I do break up I'll lose some of our mutual friends), but I fear that despite her also not being the phone type (all of our communication when not together is via text or online chat) sending this email would be the cheap way out and she'd become more upset and feel less respected that I couldn't speak to her instead. With all this in mind, do viewers here think an email would still be the best way to do it or would it be best to call first which I'd probably be unable to do?What are you thoughts?Thanks
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2015): You should phone her. Two things are important here- one is about respect that others have covered. The other is that something written on a page always looks more stark and potentially offensive than something you say where you can pay attention to how its going down. Also who would want to read 12 pages of email from someone who was walking out on them- it would be a horrific thing to sentence anyone too. You should also phone her to hear what she has to say and how she responds.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2015): NO.Honestly, I think even a phone call is cowardly!4hrs? YOu spent 3 years with her and you are ENGAGED,but you can't do it face-to-face,like a man?You've been thinking this and thinking that (and not shared any of this "where are we going?" with her I suppose?) but you haven't thought for a SECOND how your actions are going to impact others.This is going to be like dropping a bomb on her life.Out of the blue. The man she AGREED to marry and was thinking will be spending the rest of her life with, no longer loves her.You want to show her RESPECT? Then just do it! No one is stopping you getting in that car, driving 4hrs and doing it face-to-face as you should.I think you want to get out,but do not want to face the consequences of your decisions (i.e. her grief). That is cowardly,manipulative and disrespectful.By all means, do what is right for you,but do it the right way. Show an ounce of respect and love for the one you once loved with your whole heart,so much so that you proposed.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (13 July 2015):
 You want to end your engagement via email?
Ah.
By all means, do so. Be prepared to have that email forwarded to all her friends and winding up on social media boards. Your email will wind up mocked and parodied...
Just call her and tell her that it's not working for you.
Or go see her and break up in person.
But do NOT try to end an engagement via email. That's just sad.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 July 2015):
 I think a 3 YEAR relationship deserve more than a eloquent e-mail.
Since you have it ALL written down, you can use it as your "guide" when talking to her.
I think it's VERY much a "wimpy" way to end a relationship.
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A
female
reader, suzzzque269 +, writes (13 July 2015):
 imo i think out of respect a short phone call should be made. dont get into details over the phone just inform her you want to end the relationship and that youve written a letter detailing your decision. send the email-if she chooses to read it good...if not atleast you sent it.
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