A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I'm a 21 year old male, I've been heterosexual all my life, but just recently I've become bisexual, almost purely because of one of my closest friends, who I've completely fallen in love with. I'm absolutely sure he likes me too (he's also bi) and he's flirted quite a lot with me. It seems perfect, but there's one big problem- he already has a boyfriend. I'm not even sure if he's totally happy being with him, but I want to keep him as a good friend no matter what, but I also want to get closer to him, but I'm not sure how.We really do seem to have an intimate connection, and I'm sure we'd be perfect together, I'm just not sure what move to make next.I'd really appreciate any help or advice you could give, thank you very much!
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male
reader, groovymoving  +, writes (16 June 2010):
I'd suggest telling him how things really are. Make sure he knows you have feelings for him and then it'll be his choice whether to stick with the guy he's already dating or to start going out with you. If there is a real friendship between the two of you, you'll stay friends no matter what. Furthermore, he'll appreciate your guts for telling him how you really feel.
After that, he might dump the other guy for you, as well as he may stick with him. He may say he has no feelings for you but he may also realize that he likes you far more than the guy he's already dating. He might even come to the conclusion that he has feelings for both of you.
No matter what, the point is that he'll be informed of your feelings and you'll give him a choice by letting him know. I'm pretty sure you won't lose the friendship. Quite on the contrary, I believe that telling him will toughen up the friendship because he'll know you trust him and have the guts to tell him the truth, no matter what.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI thought for a while that maybe I just admired him, but I do genuinely have strong feelings for him. I do respect that he's already with someone, but he did make moves on me before he was with someone, and I think it was because he respected that I didn't like guys at the time that he moved on to someone else, which is really frustrating! Also, he only started flirting with me again when I finally came out to him...
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (26 May 2010):
 If he's taken, back off. Keep him as a friend, but make no moves. If this guy gets involved with you while he's in a relationship, that means he is willing to cheat. And you don't want to be dating a cheater now, do you?
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A
female
reader, Zanie  +, writes (26 May 2010):
 Well, it's always a risk dating a friend. It could be great or you could mess up what you already have.
If it were me, I would in conversation bring up the other guy and see how he feels about him. If it sounds like it's going well, then I would wait. If it sounds as though this other relationship is just play or maybe not going as well as expected, then seize the day!
If you're sure you can go all the way with him, and be with him - in a full relationship, then the only way you will know is to tell him how you're feeling. Many blessings, Good Luck!
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