Am I deluding myself? Will he really leave his abusive relationship for me?

A female age 41-50, *arieh writes:

Please don't judge me on this, I just need advise and have no one to talk to who will understand me. I've known my MM for over 2 yrs. My husband and I both worked with him at our current job. We became quick friends with him and his wife. My husband eventually lost his job, but all of us continued to hang out outside of work together. MM has 2 kids with his wife (5 and 7 yrs). I do know his wife personally and she is everything he says. She is very manipulative of him, she doesn't work, but controls and spends all of the money. There are times she will spend hundreds on clothes, shoes, anything for herself, but will give him no money for gas for him to get to work. She is also very unstable. She caused them to lose their kids when she threatened to kill them and herself, then she committed herself for 3 months. She has told me this herself. She really does treat him like sh*t, as I have witnessed it myself. She continually talks down to him and acts as if he is beneath her and tells him she doesn't love him, but he has always treated her like a queen. Well, me and my husband have has many problems this past year and me and my MM would talk to each other about our mutual problems. My husband had cheated on my twice and had gotten very verbally and physically abusive (which his wife is also). Well, I finally left my husband and moved out and MM helped me move (the same apts they live at). Well that night he asked if I would meet him somewhere if I needed to talk or wanted company(I was feeling a little depressed). I meet him and he confessed that he had feelings for me for a very long time (I did too, I had always thought he was such a great guy and wished my husband had been more like him). We ended up kissing and he confessed that he had been in love with me for quite some time. He says he hasn't been in love with his wife or been intimate with her in almost a year. Well, we started talking and becoming much more closer ever since that day. He comes by my apartment every morning to check on me and kiss me good morning. He calls and sees me in the office throughout the day at work. I have fallen in love with him and love spending time with him. We really have a strong connection and get lost in each other. We both have feelings so strong we have not felt like this with anyone else. But I think my problem is his wife. He doesn't know how to leave without losing his kids or her making everything so hard. I just told him today I am backing off so he can figure out what he wants and if he's leaving. I told him not to call or see me until he knows his decision and if it's me, he will leave. I told him I'd give him a week and then I can't continue this relationship if he can't decide. He said he wants to make sure if it is really love, because every time we see each other the passion is so strong we can't keep our hands off each other. He said I had the right idea and it would help us both to figure out if it's what we really want. He asked if I was sure I loved him and if I was ready if he showed up with his kids. I said yes, but take the week to think about it. He has been giving mixed signals all day since I told him. Am I doing the right thing? Does anyone think this is real or am I deluding myself? I don't want to lose him, but I can't keep going this way either. Is there any chance he will leave her, I'm not sure if I can stick to giving him the week that I said.....

View related questions: at work, depressed, kissing, lost his job, money, moved out

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A female reader, marieh  +, writes (26 May 2010):

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