A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am 28 and I've never been properly physically attracted to anyone in real life. Is that weird? I have had boyfriends who I think are nice enough looking I suppose, and I have enjoyed sex with them to a certain degree because it feels nice once I get into it, but I've never really fancied any of them or looked at them and desired sex with any of them. I have initiated it with previous boyfriends because I've loved them and wanted to satisfy them, and on some level because I feel I should, but not because I want them sexually.I'd love to join in with my friends when they say guys in the street are fit because I never feel it. Am I expecting too much by wanting to really desire someone? Or will I have to accept that's not how it really is? I know that there is more to a relationship than looks too, and I'm not expecting movie star good looks or anything. I just want to find someone who does it for me :( Reply to this Question
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female
reader, EventHorizon  +, writes (22 July 2013):
 I disagree with the previous poster. It is nothing to do with sexuality. I can totally identify with the OP.I had boyfriends in the past, they asked me out and I accepted because they had been friends first but I was never really attracted to them. There was never the oh he is hot I could rip his clothes off.It is still the same for me, when I have friends saying oh look at that guy he is yummy. I never feel that way. It just isn't there. I am not asexual and have a high sex drive, masturbate most days etc. I think for me personally, there has to be more than just the physical appearance. I have to have a connection with the person.There has only been 1 man in my life, who has had that reaction from me and I think it mainly down to his intelligence, humour and because I am in love with him. The only man I would say there is any kind of chemistry with.Maybe it is just finding the one person who does it for you intellectually, emotionally and physically. I do relate and no, you are not out there on your own.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2013): Hi I am the OP, thanks for the reply. I'm definitely not attracted to women either. I have considered that many times when thinking about my issue but the thought makes me feel a bit queasy (I don't mean that to be offensive either, it just doesn't do anything for me at all).
I have also had attractions to male celebrities and fictional characters over the years, but this is usually based on an attraction to the character they play or the way their character is described. Its not only about looks. So it sounds as though you may be right that I just haven't met the one yet. I'm scared I never will though because I'm getting older and I rarely have 'those feelings' for anyone :(
Oh and as for masturbating, I am familiar with that and definitely know what does it for me. In fact I think that's the only reason I have enjoyed sex at all up until now - I have been able them how to do it so it feels nice physically, but I never get turned on on my own. I just want to meet someone who gives me those feelings because I'm attracted to them properly. Thanks for your advice though, it's given me a lot to consider.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2013): Well there's two things to consider. Do you get turned on when you think about girls? Have you ever fantasized about having sex with another female?
If your answer to both questions is no; then lets proceed.
You don't like casual sex. You want meaningful sex. You feel indifferent; because you haven't experienced chemistry with anyone so far. You've only tried boys.
You sound like you are in a deep state of denial about your sexual orientation, my dear. I think you may like girls.
You may also have a very low sex-drive. You may want to talk to the doctor about that. Do you take any prescribed medications that may have this side-effect?
If you just haven't had any quality sex, you may just be very lackadaisical about sex in general. You just get by.
You should explore your body, and find out what makes you tick. If no one has ever hit the right spot, or you don't masturbate; you don't know anything about what pushes your buttons. If you use a vibrator too much; you will also desensitize.
My final suspicion. Your head and heart isn't in it. You just haven't met "the one." Be it a he, or a she.
You avoided mentioning what you do like; if you aren't attracted to guys. It has to be one, or the other.
Unless you're among the rarest of the rare; an asexual person.
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