A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my BF for about 6 months. He's more than I can ask for in a guy and I'm so glad we're together. While everything else is great I find that I don't get much out of sex. I get really turned on by him and I can't wait to get into bed but I am never fully satisfied with the end result. I was a virgin before I met him and although I don't have much experience, I can tell that he doesn't either. He gets off very quickly and while he does try to make me feel satisfied, I don't really think he knows what he's doing. I sometimes just pretend that I'm 'done' because he spends so much time on me but I get nowhere and I don't want him to feel like he's doing something wrong.So basically, what do I say to him? I suppose I need to tell him what I want and ask for it but I have no idea what to ask for or how! I don't even know if I know what I want! I also think that I might be concentrating too much on getting off that I might be stopping myself from enjoying things. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2010): sex is a very mature issue so both of you have to approach it maturely. He needs to know that what he is doing isn't working and you need to be able to tell him. He has to not act like a baby about it either. I think of it in the same terms as my wife cooking something I don't like. If I lie and tell her I love she's just going to make it again. If he's letting his ego getting in the way of his pleasure then he's being a baby and the same goes for you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2010): Some good advice so far and probably the best is don't fake an orgasm. It takes time to get sex right. There are books on sex out there and here is good site about sex:
http://www.sexinfo101.com/ic_index.shtml
There is a lot of information and advice on that site.
A lot of women can't orgasm with intercourse alone, while others have their best orgasms with intercourse. My wife has trouble having an orgasm with intercourse, but can have multiple ones with oral sex. I used to date another women like that too. She would have intense orgasms with oral sex. You don't say what your boyfriend does for you in the foreplay department.
I would suggest that the 2 of you look at all of the info on that site together and try some of the things you read there. It is very good and comprehensive advice and suggestions.
The other thing is him orgasming quickly. That is not unusual for younger men. He is probably so excited after foreplay that he just can't hold back. Perhaps you are tight and that will be even more stimulating for him. It's great for the guy, but not for the woman. If he can give you an orgasm before intercourse then you will be more relaxed and looser and he might be able to last longer.
Study sexual techniques and practice. This is one activity where practice is fun and not boring. You will both get better if you communicate and read how-to articles and try things.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2010): Good idea to develop the ability to have orgasms during solo masturbation. Then have him do the 'deepspot method'.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (1 February 2010):
The issue is the experience. Women will tell you that you need to experiment with yourself so you know what you want. Then you need to gently guide your boyfriend to what you want too. Find out about your body, research some techniques and have fun practising. You only get better by gaining experience.
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A
male
reader, empty-1  +, writes (1 February 2010):
1: Don't ever "pretend" for "his sake" again. You aren't doing him any favors, and if he finds out, he'll hate you for it.2: you need to spend time exploring your own body, sexuality, likes, and dislikes. There are a number of very good guidebooks. Erotica for couples can be helpful, and there is an undercurrent of the porn industry for women as well. All of these things can be helpful tools towards your own sexual enlightenment. 3: you need to be comfortable enough with your man to guide him towards what feels good for you. Have some open, frank, and honest discussions about likes, dislikes, desires, and so forth. Explore with one another.4: the two of you can turn it into a game. Spend time exploring one anothers bodies. It can be a VERY rewarding game.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2010): Stop faking it. You dont want him to feel like he's doing something wrong? Well he sure isn't getting it right either is he?It is so obvious that the lack of experience is what is causing the problem. Either lack of experience with sex in general, or lack of experience with each others bodies. He needs to learn how to press your buttons, and you need to learn to know his body too. All that helps is: honesty and communication! So stop faking it, that is the worst thing you can do as he will never improve. On the contrary you are now teaching him all the wrong things and he can have a difficult time getting it right! Communication means you have to tell him what you like, how you like it. If you never were able to get an orgasm on your own, then you need to experiment more with yourself! All it takes now is that you have sex a lot, and then in time you will learn.
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