A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi I’m in a relationship now for almost 7 years and I am so miserable there is no excitement I try talking to him on a night just general chit chat and I get totally ignored by him he shows me attention when he wants sex when he gets it he goes to ignoring me again so I avoid sex with him now cos I feel so used after. we live together and I have a 11 year old son from a previous relationship even he has noticed what it is like Christmas I paid for everything it was also my sons birthday and I planned him a party and I even paid for that if we split up I could manage financially I’m only staying for the sake of my son but I really don’t know how much more I can take any ideas greatly appreciated thank you
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2020): sounds to me like somewhere along the line he lost interest in you, and now only wants to have sex with you when he's in the mood...probably wasnt always that way, but it is now and i doubt it will change..yea you can talk to him and let him know whats bothering you, and then if nothing changes, dump him and dont look back....he's no bargain...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2019): I think you're on the verge of a final-decision. I would assume that you wanted a male role-model for your son; or at least male-influence to help him become a man. Your boyfriend doesn't fulfill either of those responsibilities; and to add insult to injury, he is disrespecting you in-front of your own child. Even worse, the young man can see it with his very own eyes! If this man ignores you most of the time, that's an indication he has no need for you. He has no love, or doesn't know how to express it in a way that it is detectable and nurturing to you as a woman. Your boy is learning zilch!!! He will be just like him!
I think you already know what to do, but need some coaxing and comforting reassurance from people looking at it from the outside. You need a push?
Here goes...PUSH!!!
Time to send Mr. Numbnuts packing! Hasta la vista, baby!!
If you want to do well for yourself and your son; introduce him to the most trustworthy male-members of your family. It takes a village, and he needs to be taught some family-heritage. He needs to know your roots. Lest you are estranged from your family, and have no family-ties. Thus, the poor kid is out there with no kinship; or background to know who the hell he is, and where he comes from. That's how boys end-up in gangs, or turning to crime! They feel unattached, abandoned, and the only love they'll know is a mother's-love. They need to bond with father-figures, and know there is a guy out there who loves him like a dad! If mom doesn't get along with his biological-dad, or resents him...she deprives the boychild of that father; because she can't have what she wants. That is nasty, vindictive, and selfish! From the child's perspective. Abusive, criminal, or violent-men are the exception, obviously! "He didn't want me; so he won't have his children!" That's the big problem all over this country! The children suffer for it!
*Sign!* Father God, help America! Bring families back together again! Where are the fathers???
Where is his biological-father? My heartfelt-condolences if he abandoned you, or passed-away. I hope you're not a victim of domestic-violence; you and your child would both be victims, if the child can remember any of it. That happens more often than we care to know!
If your son likes sports, allow him to play little league baseball, or basketball. A good coach is like a father-figure. I don't condone kids of his age playing football, the head-injuries aren't worth it. He can join Boys Club of America; or any national organization that teaches boys to become decent men. He needs sportsmanship, spiritual-worship; and participation in activities to build character, and to learn to help others. He needs to see, by example, how a good-man treats women. He needs to see his mother happy, well-treated, and loved. He needs to witness you making good-choices. These good-traits will be passed-down to him, to carry-on into his manhood. Making him a good-husband and father someday! I know that's what you want for both of you! I hope you find it!
What can a man teach a boy, who doesn't know how to love the woman he is committed to? What kind of example do you set for him, when you tolerate being ignored and used, while accepting it? He will lose respect for you too!
Women are bringing up children, particularly boys, in environments where they don't learn how to treat women; or be responsible for their behavior. Instead, they have to grow-up with badly-chosen poor-excuses for manhood introduced into their lives by their mothers, or she tries to be the man in his life. Thus, we have guys like your boyfriend breeding more of his useless-kind all over the place. Hap-hazard sperm-donors, absentee-fathers, unattached-breeders who claim to be men; littering the planet with children needing a father. Men who only need women for one thing, and after that...forget her, move-on to the next! You'd do better-off alone, be that the case!
What you expose your son to, is what he will learn to be like. You both will do better, if you weren't showing him how unhappy you can be. He will mimic what he sees. That being, to disrespect women, show no affection, and treat them like their only purpose is sex.
You hold the responsibility in your hands. You know that, and it made you write DC! You deserve so much better! Mothers are underappreciated, not by their kids; unfortunately by fathers! I pray you get the strength to do what you must; and with God's help, that you'll find your happiness and someone to help you raise a man of strength and solid-character.
Don't give-up, sweetheart! You will! This experience will only make you stronger and wiser!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2019): You aren't doing your son any favours by being miserable. Either your (ex) partner will continue to have a rleationship with him or he won't. And if he doesn't it's because he doesn't care enough about him now. And your son doesn't need that kind of half assed love. You have nothing to lose by getting out of this dead end.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (29 December 2019):
 Why do you say you are staying for the sake of your son? He is already old enough to have noticed the atmosphere in the house. Is this how you want him to think relationships should be?
In your shoes I would try to talk to your partner one last time and lay your cards on the table. Tell him, if things do not improve, you are leaving. Show your son by example that, if something does not work, it should be fixed or discarded.
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