A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I (22m) really hit it off with someone (26F) at a party and she turned me down, blaming everything on the alcohol. Sorry in advance for the novel, but the story goes as follows:A few weeks ago, my friends in grad school were having a combination end of the semester and Christmas party/night on the town. I came into this party with the express intent to try and get a specific girl's number (I'll call her A). I met A at a Halloween party earlier in the year, but had to leave early due to my friend puking and never got her number. I beat myself up over this for a while and knew that this would be my chance. Yes, I did get her number, but she is not the focus of this story; she'll be important later.Early in that night, when my group of friends and I were pre-gaming at someone's apartment, a different girl (B) approached me and said she remembered me from the Halloween party. She mentioned how fun I was and how rockin' my giraffe onesie was (EXTREMELY), then asked if I wanted to drink with her. We flirted heavily back and forth and when it was time to play drinking games, we heavily targeted each other. She later sat on my lap, we talked some, flirted more, and I got her number!When it was time to go out on the town and hit the clubs, we were all over each other. Any time the group walked from one club to another, I was either holding B by the waist, locking arms with her, or holding hands with her. When we were actually in the clubs, we danced closely with each other and got pretty handsy. In general, we were near inseparable and the attraction was real.Eventually, A rolled into one of the clubs we were at and I started chatting her up. She mentioned that she remembered how amazing my giraffe onesie was (AGAIN, EXTREMELY), I bought her a drink, we got to talking, and I got her number. At one point I was dancing with A, hands on her hips, her hands around the back of my neck and B literally grabbed my hand and led me away to a different part of the club so we could dance alone together. At this point, I was pretty sprung.The night ended with the group going for 3AM tacos. B and I were still inseparable, sat alone together, and just talked about life in general. It was nice connecting with her and I honestly felt like I could be myself around her. She even did that cute lil thing where she put her cold hands on my arm to vampire my warmth away while we smiled and looked into each other's eyes. It was adorable and I loved every moment of it. When it was time to go, she reminded me that she really wanted me to text her, and we went our separate ways.After the night was over and I was driving a friend home, she let me know that B is never like this. If guys make a pass at her and she isn't interested, she is blunt, shuts them down, and completely avoids them. So seeing B act so affectionately toward me was a surprise for her and the whole friend group. Seeing her be so forward as to pull me off of another girl literally had everyone's jaw on the floor. Based on that description, I was so sure that I was in! I texted her that I had a wonderful time with her before passing the fuck out that night and she responded with "I'm really glad I got to meet you tonight and I would love to see you again."For days after the party, we texted paragraphs to each other as I finished up with finals week at my school. She kept up the conversation wonderfully and I didn't even have to use my backup cat pictures that I save for when conversations get dull. Whenever a conversation ended, she'd just pick it up exactly where it left off and was just great at picking out details in my texts to ask me more about. Whenever I flirted with her over text she was always responsive and sent cute lil smiley emojis! It was so easy to talk to each other and I was honestly under the impression that she was into me too. So imagine my surprise and dismay when I asked her out and she said that "Even though it may have seemed differently on Friday after a couple drinks, I'd like to stay just friends. I really did enjoy your company though." I was floored. Stunned. Caught off-guard. Gobsmacked even! I was just so sure she was into me too and that's why I felt so shocked. I've run this story past a couple friends and I've gotten responses such as "This is a one-year grad program. Nobody has time to date" or "Buddy, all of that happened in one night. Maybe she just wants to slow things down." However, I'm taking her rejection at face value. And don't get me wrong, I am always one to accept new friends into my life, but this experience kinda threw me for a loop.I've been rejected before and I know how to handle rejection; it just comes with the territory. However, I've never been so confident that someone else was into me, only to be shot down. And I know I shouldn't take it personally but her blaming everything on the alcohol really kinda knocked me down a few pegs and I'd like a little advice and maybe some validation.Am I really right to feel this hurt? or even hurt at all for that matter? Is the whole "alcohol" thing just an excuse? Did something I did on my part mess things up? Again, not to sound like a broken record, but feeling so sure and so confident only to be rejected has me feeling really off-kilter.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2019): Anything could have happened. Maybe an ex boyfriend who she's still crazy about got back in touch. Maybe she's found out a relation is ill, maybe she didn't like seeing you dancing with A at the club and decided not to risk getting hurt. It probably has nothing to do with you. She has a life that you know nothing about with things happening which mean she can't date right now. Who knows? I don't think that she would have seemed so into you and given you such a green light for days if she hadn't been interested, but things change sometimes. The alcohol excuse doesn't sound right as you both carried on being interested in each other for days afterwards.
As for something you might have done wrong? If I was with someone the way you describe being with her at the drinking games and going from club to club 'All over each other and very handsy' and then I saw you buying another girl a drink, dancing sexily with her and being into her too, I would have dumped you there and then. Maybe she just wanted to string it out? To hurt you back?
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (29 December 2019):
 Like N91 said, you can feel what you feel. We can't tell you that those feelings are "wrong" or "right".
My thing is this, her FRIENDS even told you she is never like that. That YOU brought it out in her. (no it wasn't the alcohol, unless she NEVER drank before, drink might lower inhibitions a bit but it doesn't create chemistry between people and from what you write you two HAD chemistry). It's HER not you. She isn't looking for anything serious. Could be due to studies, could be other reasons unknown to her friends and you. could be that she simply wanted to have fun and let her hair down with a guy she felt "safe" with. (you) and WHILE that totally sucks, I would accept it for what it is.
Sometimes all people( probably girls more than guys) want is feel that high of good chemistry and flirtation but nothing more. Enjoying the feeling wanted but without having it go further.
SHE told you, I'm not interested in dating. Flirting and enjoying someone's company doesn't mean it will ALWAYS lead to something.
If you ARE looking for someone to date, LOOK elsewhere.
Would I be friends with her? Eh, not sure really. But I'd probably be friendly and polite when meeting her again, but I would shut down ANY kind of flirting or "canoodling" when out and about and drunk.
She WAS into you, FOR the night. That is it. I think if she is VERY focused on school and her grades/future she might not really DO this kind of thing, but she might have wanted to try with you (fun for the night) because she thought you were that kind of guy too.
It's OK to be dissapointed, OP But other than that, let it go.
HER LOSS.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2019): Eh... I mean. People get flirtatious when the'yre drinking. Then in the cold light of day they might not be feeling it. It's not that deep.
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (29 December 2019):
 You can feel whatever you want and nobody can tell you any different.
The thing is, this kind of stuff happens all the time. I’ve had it myself when I was younger, got numbers off girls after spending full nights with them and as far as kissing them etc and then trying to progress it and it going nowhere. It happens, it’s really not the end of the world.
You had some good chemistry but it didn’t work out, so what? It felt right to you but for whatever reason it didn’t for her. The reason is irrelevant. At least you found out early on rather than wasting months trying to get somewhere.
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