A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi Everyone,I am a new member on this site.I am married now for 8 months almost and we will have a baby soon.We dated for only around 1.5 years before we decided to get married. I go to this gym everyday and have started liking a girl at the reception who is also interested in me I am sure. She always gives a big smile and finds reason to touch me when I am there to punch my card. I think I am falling for her. I also bought her a gift recently which she accepted.My question is that what should I do as I am not able to control my feelings for her, but on the other side I am married and am afraid if my wife knows this she is gonna freak out. Shes soo possesive and doesnt give me space at all.The other girl at the gym reception doesnt know I am married, should I tell her that I am married??Please help guys..its a complicated situation Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Carrot2000 +, writes (18 March 2010):
 Okay, you have to get a grip. She's friendly because it's her job to be friendly. Talking about her family and siblings is not "personal" information, it's small-talk. It's okay to have a crush, but you need to keep yourself firmly rooted in reality; there are other good-looking, in-shape men at the gym who do not have wives and babies that she like to be FAR more attracted to.
A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (18 March 2010):
 Am I missing something.. didn't the aunts already tell you this...
FIND ANOTHER BLOODY GYMN....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionGuysThank you for your support and help.Inspite of trying hard I still cant stop thinking about that girl, and now she is also responding.Just as an example I bought something at the counter that day and she said she doesnt have change..I replied joking "I can wait for you forever"... she said "Dont take long"...what does it mean?Also shes discussing more personal things now like about her family and her siblings..Guys I cant sleep anymore and cant stop thinking about her and I feel she feels something for me..feels like hell as I really want my wife and my baby..please suggest and help me
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female
reader, Tigerlily +, writes (10 February 2010):
Possessiveness from a woman is just her way of asking for attention. She's 8 months pregnant.. try to cut her some slack. She's got hormones going crazy and she's about to have a baby... she just needs to feel secure. Women are very in tune withe people's vibe/energy, so if you've been daydreaming about the girl at the gym I'm sure your wife has felt your absence of mental attn towards her, but has no idea what is causing it and that could make her feel very insecure. Pregnant women can feel very insecure about how their body looks, weight gained, etc. and if she picks up on your distance but doesn't know why she may be questioning/doubting herself, etc.
A baby is a huge, overwhelming responsibility and every woman wants to feel she has support. That may be what's causing her possessiveness. She just needs your attention and support and needs to feel secure. If you make her feel secure I'm sure she won't mind you going for a beer with the guys now and then.
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female
reader, Carrot2000 +, writes (8 February 2010):
Was your wife always possessive or is this something that came about during the course of her pregnancy?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2010): Here's an idea: find a new gym.
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A
male
reader, ReturningtheFavor +, writes (7 February 2010):
GREAT MAN! I'm really proud that you are able to realize this and step up to the plate!! Be proud!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFriends,
Today was at the gym and totally tried to ignore her.However, she was trying to find a reason to talk to me.You are right , its just attraction from her side.
I will not give up my family for her..thanks again for all your help guys.
Also, girls could you help me how to get away from a possesive wife..sometimes guys need to have a beer with friends and have some space..how can I convince her on this.
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A
male
reader, ReturningtheFavor +, writes (7 February 2010):
Definitely agree that we need more information here!!! Decide whether you are still in love or not with your wife? If are not in love any more than you need to find a way out, reasonably. DO NOT BE THE MAN WHO IS A CHEATER, THAT RUINS LIFE AND WIVES. Think of the emotional toll that will take on your wife and the unhappiness it will cause for the rest of her life. (because it will defintely devastate her for years to come) Next thing you must consider, is this just an infatuation, I am a man and i have thought about the "girl next door" before but never made any more, in fact when i start to feel those things i remove myself from the situation and all is clear in time. You must remove yourself from the gym and get over it. Im not talk ing for days or weeks, we are talking multiple months 9 or so. Then you need to remember you are going to be a father, make sure that no matter what you step up and be a man and a father for that child. Dont run off to greener pastures and forget your responsibility and committment. I think that if you eliminate the other woman from the situation for a while that you will find yourself still to be in love with your wife. Its just a grass is greener on the other side, do not give in to your primal urges!!! Be a man and do the right thing and end your marriage if youre unhappy but be the bigger man and try to make it work first!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2010): WAIT, we don't know the full story.This guy, with his posessive wife, may be miserable at home!!Ask yourself a simple question..Are you still IN LOVE with your wife?because, unhappy parents raise unhappy children.don't stay together because of the kid..and this "receptionist", are you sure she feels as strongly attached to you, as you are to her?You sound as if you're falling in love, and she might just think you're attractive.Don't risk your marriage, over an infatuation.Think about it.
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female
reader, Tigerlily +, writes (7 February 2010):
Well everyone has beat you up pretty soundly here... but that's because we are trying to get your attention about something important. I think we all know the spell you are under can be very powerful. But we don't want you to wake up from that spell and look around and wonder what happened to your life?!
It can be really hard to control our feelings, especially when you find you have feelings for someone who is "off limits" so to speak. But for those of us who have been there, we don't want you to look back and regret and wish someone had stopped you from going down a dangerous path. But part of you knows you dont want to do this, which is why you posted your dilemma on here. You knew what we would all say. You aren't a bad guy, you haven't done anything wrong YET... so this is the time to clear your head, think about what you really want for your life in the long term and then find the strength to walk away from temptation. You can do it. We all support you. BE strong.
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female
reader, ~Maureen +, writes (6 February 2010):
Dear Grown Man,Sorry to blow it for you, but you are ALREADY a FATHER. Your baby already exists. As a grown man, you have the ability to control yourself. Do so now.Your wife and your baby deserve all your love and attention. Love is a decision, not a feeling. When you decide to love your family (that you made for yourself in free will) you will make the necessary changes to your bad attitude.The reason I charge you with a bad attitude is because you claim an inability to control your feelings. Try controlling your thoughts, then you will have success. Thus far, you have been allowing your mind to lust after that receptionist. You have thought of her over and over and imagined her underneath you/ on top of you. Although, you have bought her a gift...for what service? What you need to do is get a grip on your thoughts. Besides, NEVER going when she is working, you need to banish her from your thoughts. Each time you begin to think your evil thoughts, change your focus. Think instead of your family.Perhaps you are nervous about being "Daddy". Maybe you are suffering from the realization that you have yourself "caught" for sure, now. While this should have occurred to you at your wedding...you probably comforted yourself with the idea that divorce IS an option.Please be dignified and assume your role as a husband and father. Shed some light on the dirty corners of your mind. Tell your wife that you have been harboring lust for that girl. YEAH! Really! I know the shit will hit the fan, yet hasn't it already? You are cheating in spirit if not in body. You need to de-mystify that receptionist and allow yourself to see it all for what it is:selfish desructive and evil. Apologize to your wife and assure her that you are telling her so you will be safe from temptation. Tell her that you are sorry for putting her through it. (Yes, dear man, WOMEN always sense when the husband is cheating) Then, you must recommit yourself and plug in to your family! Promise your wife that you were scared of responsibility of being a Daddy...and it made you unhinged for a bit. But, you are a changed man and be so.Congratulations on your Baby. It is a wonderful thing. You and your wife have partnered with God creation.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhey guys,Thank you soo much for your time and effort to help me out.Today I saw the girl again and she kept talking to me on different things for like 20 minutes..said she is bored on the weekend and things like that.As you have all suggested I think it might be the best to change gyms and not think about it anymore..thank you soo much guys. I will keep you all informed about what happened next week.Take care..
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A
female
reader, Tigerlily +, writes (6 February 2010):
Scenario #4. You change gyms. You pine away for a month, then your wife has your baby and you fall in love FOR REAL. You get way too busy with your newborn to think about gym girl and you forget all about her. 6 months down the road your wife's hormones level out back to normal, she loses the baby weight and you fall in love with her again. You go on to have a happy life.
Dude seriously. Just be strong... and it will pay off in the long run.
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A
female
reader, Tigerlily +, writes (6 February 2010):
No honey, it's not complicated. It's quite simple. It's a recipe for disaster.
Scenario #1. You keep going to the gym and falling for the girl. Eventually she finds out you are married, thinks you are disgusting, hates you and tells you to go to hell. You are heartbroken. Your wife is dealing with hormones, and a newborn and can't fathom why you are so weird and sad and distant so she is miserable too.
Scenario #2. You have an affair with the girl at the gym. You lie to your wife. You feel racked with guilt. You don't leave your wife because of the baby so now you and the girl are miserable because you can't be together, and your wife is dealing with hormones, and a newborn and can't fathom why you are so weird and sad and distant so she is miserable too.
Scenario #2. You leave your wife for the girl at the gym and everyone hates you. You are racked with guilt. Your wife is devastated. Your newborn child doesn't get the parenting he really needs with an absent father and a heartbroken mother.
Dude. It's simple. CHANGE GYMS. forget about desk girl and go home to your wife and child!
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2010): Holy crap are you serious? I'm going to be honest with you. Seriously sit back and think about this. It sounds like you're on the verge of having an affair. Your wife is at home, carrying YOUR baby, going through emotional & physical changes, and your're worried about getting cozy with the receptionist who's clueless about the fact that you're married and about to be a father? If you loved your wife and child, you'd be a man and come clean with the receptionist and apologize for any hurt feelings you may of caused, quit the gym and focus on your wife and child. She's possesive because she probably senses that you're pulling away from her, the marriage and the baby. You made your bed, now lie in it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDear Readers
thank you for your help.
I will try to do this. Anyways, I am going to the gym later and hope that shes not around.
But, I can feel my heart is pounding already when I see her and I can feel that she too feels the same.
I cant stop myself asking her out..I know she will come out with me..i dont know what to do..
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A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (6 February 2010):
If you pursue this woman, where do you think its all going to end up? It boggles my mind how some men just lack the ability to see around corners. Let's just say you end up with the receptionist... In a year or so she will also be heavily pregnant and you'll basically be back to square one, except you will be paying child support for your first family. Your complaint about your wife being possessive is just an excuse to justify your behaviour and you know it. You would be better off spending the money on buying a gift for your pregnant wife or your baby rather than on a girl who is only doing her job which is to be friendly. I would love to take a look under her desk to see how many gifts she has from all the members who are trying to make moves on her. If she is so great have you thought that she probably has a boyfriend?! If she had any sense she would rightly be disgusted that you have a pregnant wife at home that you are neglecting for her. Sometimes we should not always go with our feelings but with our minds. Feelings are transient and change regularly, but doing the right thing is never a mistake. Forget the receptionist; your crush will pass in time.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2010): Why did you buy her a gift? You are married. Whether you were rushed into it or not you said I do! That's a big commitment. If you have any values you'll keep your promises.
Give your marriage a chance.
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A
female
reader, Not My Name  +, writes (6 February 2010):
 You may not be able to help how you feel, but you can choose how you act.
A good action for starters would be changing gym's and not buying other women presents.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (6 February 2010):
Move to a different gym for a start, then get working on your marriage. If you've only been married 8 months and you're already going through this, something is wrong with the marriage. You have said your wife is possessive and doesn't give you space. That's the problem. She won't let you have space, so this receptionist looks like an escape. Really work on your marriage. Also remember that your wife is pregnant, so maybe she is just feeling like she needs you around. Work on ypur marriage and leave that receptionist well out of it.
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