A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So ill make this as quick as possible (sorry if it's a bit crude) I have a really good relationship with my partner of 8 years one thing when we have sex he finishes after about 3-5 minutes unless he's had a drink.For me it's not a problem there's always a lot of foreplay he's not selfish and the sex is great just quick. I've told him I have no problem with it at all and not to worry but he's so insecure about he always says sorry when there's no need too he always makes sure I orgasm too but worries about it because I can't from actual penetrative sex I've explained to him a lot of women can't and I'd never fake it. He says sex is great for him but worries it isn't for me. I've told him a million times it is and you'd have to be deaf and blind to not see it during sex. How can I make him see that sex isn't just the actual penetrative part but the foreplay as well and for it's just as good for me as it is for him. I'm just worried he's going to ruin sex for him by putting to much pressure on himself.
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foreplay, insecure, orgasm Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (27 October 2016):
 It is really sweet that he is so caring and loving. But am sure at this stage you have told him till you are blue in the face that there is not a problem but he is not going to listen because he is the one with the problem. He has low confidence in his sex drive and it is causing him to worry that you are not enjoying yourself. Even though you tell him he won't listen. He needs to make the changes he needs to accept that he is doing everything right. Maybe an ex partner has dented his confidence and that is why he is worried. So yes it is nice to reassure him but that is all you can do from your side. He needs to work on his confidence.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2016): Sounds like your man just wants to be sure he's not short changing your enjoyment with the penetration phase. Also maybe he's disappointed he can't last longer for himself and wishes his own experience lasted longer. As he's very attentive and takes care of your needs, maybe you need to build his confidence up a bit by helping him last longer. Have you tried making sure you only let him take you in short bursts changing positions frequently and making sure you intersperse it with oral or caressing. The idea is to draw out the experience into a whole lot of different small experiences. It sounds like he has the moves to keep you interested in between positions any way. I've always found sex is most intensely pleasurable during the initial entering so drawing it out with multiple penetration opportunities makes it more exciting as well as longer. Drawing out the experience and allowing him the opportunity to build up to the brink and stopping before changing positions is known as edging, and over time increases his endurance. You just need to keep changing it up before he reaches completion. It allows you to get more adventurous with positions too. If you make it a personal challenge to try to keep him from having an orgasm, when you finally let him it will be more fulfilling for you both. For him the opportunity to have you in multiple positions will make him feel like he is lasting longer, even if ultimately it's not really any longer. Good Luck!
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (23 October 2016):
 That's the thing; *he* is ruining it for himself and you can't change that because he's insecure about it. You can tell him until you're blue in the face, but he won't believe you because people who watch porn often think the penetration is what makes the woman orgasm.
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