A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:hi everyone I would appreciate your help and advice. I am 39 and after 12 years of marriage I have had enough - I cannot go into all the detail here but I have tried very hard to make a marriage work with a selfish man who regularly puts me down and is emotionally disloyal. The stress I have held in has taken its toll and this year I was ill from it for several months - this was the wake up call I needed. Because I have had to move around the country (5 times in the last 7 years) following my husbands job I have lost many friends and found it difficult to establish myself in any kind of work routine which has compounded the problem - support from family and friends has been thin on the ground. It is easy to say I wish I had left sooner but to be honest I have not found the strength to consider it until now. My fear is that I am 'on the shelf' and that because I am childless ( I would like to be a Mum but it never felt right with my husband) men will think I'm desparate and pushy. I want to have fun, date and enjoy life - but I feel the pressure of needing to play catch up on life and the bio clock is ticking ever louder. I'm scared and wake up in the night in a panic because I have not even taken the first step and left my husband. I need to take things one step at a time... but feel like I don't have much time! Please help - what advice can anyone give about a woman in my situation??
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2011): I say because you have no children this makes it much, much easier. Not only will you be able to leave, but you can drop this guy from your life entirely. You won't have to deal with all the stress that comes from having an ex but still share children.
Really you are in an ideal situation.
Make sure you're looking for a job if you don't have one. You say family isn't really supportive but see if anyone will take you in until you can get a place on your own. And then tell him straight up that you don't love him any more, you're tired of the abuse, and go. If he won't let you go, are there women's shelters in the UK to protect battered women? If so, then just leave so you can get away safely. Remember, emotional abuse is just as bad as physical abuse.
One you are out of the house you can start to rebuild. And do what you say, have fun. Enjoy your life.
A
female
reader, Ima FreAk! +, writes (15 September 2011):
 Hiyaaaaa,
Honestly what I think you could do this I know it's gonna be hard and you're probably gonna think its a bad idea but give it one more chance with your husband. Sort it out, go to marriage counselling and when you trust him fully then you might wanna consider having kids with him after all you have been with him for 12 years that is quite a long time.
If you wanna be with him just tell him that he needs to change coz its dull and this is the wake up call before you guys are gonna take a break.
Another idea is that you could tell your husband that you wanna break but pack your bags and book the holiday or go somewhere first then pack your bags and tell your husband that you want a break and be yourself and then leave. Take this time and see if this is what you really want before you go and make drastic changes.
If you really want to leave your husband than you should but leave that is a final option coz its pretty drastic. When you do leave your husband just tell him that you can't do this anymore and that you feel like he isn't doing anything and if he changes for the good that its a win but if he doesn't than you gotta do what your heart says.
Hope my advice helps!
Good luck!
Lots of love,
Ima FreAk!
x
P.S: You're not missing out on life much! Ha ha!
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