A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am what I consider to be a straight man. 36 yo. I was molested by a man when I was 6. it went on for about a year. When I was 30 I let a tranny give me a bj outside of a bar. She wanted to take me home and perform anal sex on me. I didn't but it sparked a dormant feeling that I might like it. A year ago while in a relationship with a beautiful woman I began checking out craigslist. I corresponded for months with lots of people. I ended meeting a tranny and I let her perform anal on me. It felt kinda good but I knew it wasn't for me. But I continued talking to people online. My wife found the emails and it all blew up. I did not want to admit to anything and did what I could to deny everything. I knew everything she read made me seem gay. Or at least bi. I don't believe I am gay but the things I wrote would defiantly point in that direction. I finally admitted to everything. No more secrets. We are trying to work things out. We have a new baby also. It's been a year and I don't do anything like that anymore. How normal is what I did?Am I gay?
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male
reader, Faodri  +, writes (23 October 2015):
No he's not gay or bisexual. He is in fact straight.He's perfectly able to be interested in a transgender woman and even receive anal sex from them and like it and be 100% straight.Straight males can enjoy anal sex too. Many do from strap-ons from their own girlfriends or wives. It is not a gay or bisexual activity.Transgender women are women and if what attracted you to them was their femininity and you're not aroused by actual men then you can consider yourself 100% straight.Genitalia or chromosomes alone do not define someone's sex. Trans women physiological and phenotypically are women. Phenotypically meaning that their characteristics and physical attributes are that of a woman.Many natural born women, believe it or not, actually can be genetically male having been born with XY chromosomes but like trans-women, mentally, physiological and phenotypically they are women and that's what really matters.So let's look at the picture:You enjoy anal simulation, don't like men and are attracted to women whether they be trans or cis-gender. You are straight, just open minded and willing to try out different sexual experiences and there's nothing wrong with that.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2013): As a wife in this exact same scenario, I can't help but be (selfishly) glad how many people feel that infidelity is the bigger issue, yet be torn between that and feeling sorry for this person's confusion. It isn't fair to be the person caught in between all of this, it hurts and is equally confusing for the spouse involved. We all wonder 'what if', but I still firmly believe that when you commit yourself to someone and expect the same of them, you must make the decision to let all those what ifs go unanswered and be content with the life you have chosen. Everybody seems to give a lot of lee-way to confusion about sexuality, but if I were to get married and be continually confused about wanting to still have sex with other men, I'd be absolutely crucified. Why should this be any different?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2013): Situations like this are becoming more and more common. The porn industry is to blame for it. Porn goes further and further pushing the limits of exciting scenarios, and when someone watched it regularly they begin getting into stranger and stranger things, until good old fashioned sex isn't good enough for them. I did this myself, escalating from hardcore porn, to shemale porn, bondage, until what I was watching wasn't even sex anymore. I ended up with sexual dysfunction so bad that I can't get an erection for my wife anymore, or much of anything. I still miss and crave the exciting feeling of getting turned on, but my body and mind won't cooperate with me. Life is a lot less fun now. Since internet porn came about, sexual and erectile dysfunction have sharply increased by a ridiculous percentage. And so has divorce. I had no idea at the time that by exploring sex so far, I ended up taking sex entirely out of my life. I allow my wife to be with other men because I cannot fulfill her needs and it's not her fault. She is getting pretty serious with someone now and is talking about divorce, and I don't blame her. We love each other but I am just an obstacle in the way of her happiness now. To her, we are no different than just friends, but I still get jealous, so I am just making things difficult for her, yet I have nothing to offer her. I can't give her the sex or man to woman attraction that she needs in her life. I am currently in therapy but I don't see it bringing back my lifelong best friend (my penis) which used to give me so much pleasure and fun, before I started with the porn.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2013): I have had a similar experience, and would like to give you my input but I have a question first. The description of 'tranny' can be very widespread. Was this a male in transition to female, ie. Taking hormones, breasts or breast implants? Were they beautiful and sexy like a woman, with a woman's form and feminine features? Were you physically attracted to them? Or was this a man who dresses up as a woman for encounters on the weekends. Sometimes people say transsexual when they should be saying crossdresser, and I think that makes a difference in this situation. Whether you were physically attracted to them as a man or woman probably would answer your question.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2013): It's interesting that you refer to the transsexual as a 'her' but what you wanted from her had everything to do with her having a penis. Were you corresponding with women too, or men? Many gay and bisexual men start with transsexuals because they are more comfortable that they can tell themselves that they are 'sort of' women, when they are in fact men. Perhaps they wear makeup, dress feminine, even take hormones to have breasts, they are not true breasts, they cannot breastfeed or have babies. If they have a penis, they are a man. I think the answer lies in what arouses you. If you watch pornography, do you watch gay or bi or transsexual porn? If a penis turns you on, you are at least bisexual, and you should own it and love yourself. There is nothing wrong with being homosexual. If your wife can't handle it, she should own that and love herself too, and move on to someone more compatible with her needs as a woman. You BOTH deserve to be happy and get what you need out of life, that's the bottom line.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the input. It was very insightful. Thx,
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your responses. They were very insightful. I believe in my heart I am not gay. I love my wife more than anything in the world. I think I was just very confused. Thx again,
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2013): As far as normal goes, there's no such thing. So don't worry about that. This is a question that could take you years to answer for yourself. While it's important for you to do so, there is a more urgent issue on the table. I think you should be asking yourself why you felt it was okay to engage in sex outside your marriage, no matter what the circumstances. Was your wife failing to fulfill your sexual needs? Did you feel that she was less important than your desire to have some physical fun? Why did you get married and have children if you weren't willing to follow the number one rule of marriage? It is great that your wife is willing to try to work through this with you, but I think you should consider whether it's fair to her that she was such an afterthought to you, both when you cheated, and when you asked this question.You said she is beautiful, but do you love her? Do you love her as much as she deserves? Not many things in life hurt as much as infidelity. You have, in effect, taken her husband, her family, and her life from her, and she will never be the same. If you do have love for her ask yourself if it's fair to her to live the rest of her life with someone who considered her an afterthought, when there are many men out there that might see her as not only beautiful, but deserving of fidelity. You can't do much immediately about your own confusion and the direction of your life, but you are having a very direct and immediate effect on hers, so maybe you should put her first like you should have to begin with. If you are only going to hurt her you should let her go.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (10 January 2013):
 I think it's hard to say you are THIS or THAT! with 100% certainty.
With you having been molested as a child lines can be very blurry. And I would think you could benefit from some counseling to work through that.
The fact that you are being the the one who "receives" the sexual favors makes me guess (for that is all I can do) is that you perhaps think that having sex with a tranny is not really cheating?
Are you worried that you "might" be gay or bi-curious?
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A
male
reader, empty-1 +, writes (10 January 2013):
The previous respondants have the right of the question as far as they go. Sexuality is a two axis spectrum - on one end of the first axis, you have 100% straight, would never consider same sex contact, not even when impaired. On the other end of the spectrum, you have 100% homosexual, would never consider opposite sex contact, not even when impaired. Most of humanity falls somewhere between those two extremes.On the other axis, you have a zero point, and you have a high point of 100% People at zero (and I know one such person) would prefer to never bother with sexual activity at any time. They don't masturbate, and aren't at all interested in fooling around with anyone. People at 100% will do anything and everything they can with all of their time to behave sexually, ignoring work, food, family, etc for satisfaction of their unending need. As with the first axis, most of humanity falls somewhere between the extremes.I would suggest, however, that the much larger question you need to ask about yourself is "why did I break the vow I took when I got married and have sexual interactions with someone other than my wife?". Did you feel that since the person had a penis it wasn't cheating? If so, why lie to your wife about it? Did you feel like you couldn't talk to your wife about the desire to be penetrated from time to time? If so, well, you'll need to be talking to her about that now that she knows!Unless your wife and you have discussed it and settled -together- as a mutual decision that sexual contact with third parties is ok (and under what circumstances) then breaking that promise is a MASSIVE problem, and is indicative of deeper issues in the relationship.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2013): What you did is not uncommon behaviour for a sexual abuse survivor. The abuse has left you with confusion about your sexuality orientation and sadly that is a legacy of the abuse. It is not your fault and it happens a lot. Virtually all straight men who are abused as boys have had some confusion about their sexuality at some point or another and some such as yourself, do act out with same sex encounters. Consider this IF you can. Imagine your childhood without any abuse. Do you think you would still have a curiosity towards your own sex now? If the answer is definitely not, you would be straight now...then you ARE straight. It was your abuse that led to you acting out. It might be a good idea to start getting matters under your control now and seek therapy for the abuse, before you feel a need to act out again. Your partner is a wonderful woman for understanding and forgiving you once. But you might not be so lucky if you are caught again. So if you can bring yourself to talk to someone about your past, counselling or therapy will help you make sense of your feelings and start the healing process properly.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (10 January 2013):
 Your not gay.
You may not even be bi. I am glad to hear your wife is open minded enough to try to work this through with you.
I will say that I find that often same sex cheating is treated differently than opposite sex cheating... I'm thinking it's some deep seated belief that homosexual feelings are not REAL and we "humor" the gays.
Even my own husband is fine with my having female to female contact but not male to female contact (since I am monogamous in my marriage neither is an option for me)
sexuality is really a sliding scale and I think that everyone has the ability to be flexible.
Just about every man I have ever had a long term relationship with liked anal stimulation. Some of them would never entertain the idea of a homosexual encounter.
Normal is a setting on the washing machine btw.
What you did worked for you and your wife is coping therefore in your marriage it's ok... in someone else's marriage it might not be.... what matters is what you and your wife want.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (10 January 2013):
There isn't a hard line that says "If you do this you're gay, if you do this you're bi, and if you do this you're straight."
You obviously aren't 100% straight.
But you aren't 100% gay either.
Where you fall is somewhere in between. There are many people who are curious and decide it's not right for them, so you're not alone.
Why do you think there are so many "I'm straight except for that one time in college" jokes?
If you feel confident that you've satisfied your curiosity then get back with your girl, be faithful to her, and stop worrying about it.
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