A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm at a crossroads.I've reciently broken up with my boyfriend of 9 years. At the time, I was very unsure about the future of our relationship. To make a long story short, during the last 4 years of our relationship, he had become a completely different person. He had become very dominating and emotionally abusive towards me. Called me names, embarassed me in public and in front of his friends/family. At one point, he had me doubting myself and my self worth. Funny thing is that I did everything I could possibly do in my power to make him happy. At the tender age of 19 I moved across the Atlantic in order to be with him. Endured feeling isolated from everything I knew, adapted to a new culture/language, won over his family in order to build a life together.Now, 27, I finally realized that he wasn't going to change (after giving him numerous chances) to change his behavior and how he treated me. Everything would be swell for a couple of months after I told him off, but after a while, that other persona would appear again and we would be back at square one. But I guess I loved him dearly and had hopes that he would get better. His family got involved and told him that he needed to get his shit together or risk losing me. Didn't take them seriously and thought that I would never leave him.About a month before we had broken up, I sadly began to seek what I thought that I was missing out of the doomed relationship. Attention, love, a connection from someone (good or bad) from someone else. It happened once..and after it happened, I broke it off with my boyfriend and moved out a week or two later. Under the year we were separated, we kept in contact...but he kept trying to convince me that he had changed. I wasn't sure exactly how I felt about him. He was my first love...and the only one I knew in a romantic sense -- since the tender age of 19. We had a long history together and me still being raw about the whole ordeal had no idea how to sort out my feelings for him. I'd start seeing him again, but as soon as any feelings on my end begin to grow for him -- I'd break off contact with him to avoid being hurt again -- he'd convince me to allow him back in my life--and we'd start the whole process over again.This went on for nearly all of 2012. My friends convinced me to start dating again...but he would always found a way back in. He even found out about the small affair that I had shortly before we had separated...and had forgiven me for it. Funny thing, it seems as though he has changed. His family and friends have noticed it. I've noticed it. But I am unsure if I want to break down my walls again and give us another shot. One more last shot. No half-assing. No doubts in the back of my mind...but to truly give it one more go.A part of me enjoys being on my own and trying to build up my existence to where I want it to be. I'm getting back into my interests...spending more time with my friends...working and being accustomed to being comfortable alone. But he is convinced that he completely screwed up and realized that he only wants me. But in the back of my mind...even though he has changed back to the person I once fell in love with...the change may have come too late.What should I do?
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female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (10 January 2013):
 Re-read what you have said about this ex bf - why on earth would you want to put yourself through all the emotional abuse all over again.He says he has changed, words are cheap and he is just telling you what he thinks you want to hear.Keep him an EX - move on with your life and find a partner who will treat you better.
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