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male
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anonymous
writes: I am 25 and have been married to my wife for only 16 months.We have a wonderful baby daughter of 6 months.The problem is we don't have anything in common and don't share any interests. I don't feel in love with her anymore, and I suspect she feels the same. The sex is nonexistant and I feel that she doesn't care about me that much.I recently met a woman online and have since met her 3 times. In truth I have fallen in love with her and she feels the same. We have had sex once and I constantly miss her. I have been entirely honest with her and she knows my circumstances.I have no-one to talk to about this for obvious reasons and I just don't know what to do. I will always love my wife in a different way and I can't explain it.I would appreciate any advice, even though I know most replies will tell me to resolve my marriage, but I long to be with my lover. Any other guys been in a similar situation? Thanks Reply to this Question
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female
reader, missdee +, writes (20 September 2005):
16 months ago you and your wife loved each other enough to get married. What happen? If it was a situation where you felt like you had to marry her I can see how the feelings could die so easily. Maybe it is the stress of having a child before you and your wife really got to know each other.
Talk to your wife, see how she feels. She may want out of the marriage as much as you do. If so end it now. Then you will be free to do what you want. If there is something you can do to resolve the issues then you should stay together.
If you want to try to work it out with your wife try taking a night off a week for just you and her. She may not be as sexual as she once was because she has the baby and that is a fulltime job, and very draining on a woman.
If this woman you are in love with now was your new wife with a 6 month old would it really be any better for you. Your relationship with the other woman is free from obligations and new and exciting. If you get divorced and marry this other woman are you going to end up in the same situation? Think about this long and hard before you end up in the same boat you are in now just with a different woman.
A
female
reader, Delila +, writes (19 September 2005):
You are loking for somebody to tell you that it is okay to leave your wife! I don't think that is going to happen. However I do hear you are not happy or satisfied in your marriage. Having a baby really really means that you have a responsibility to your family first. I know that this is not what you want to hear. I've said it before and I'll say it again, most relationships; even the most passionate ones; boil down to who makes the dinner or who forgot to take out the trash. That is the truth of the matter. Are you going to move on from your new lover when that starts to go stale too?
The statistics in favour of the success of your relationship with the other woman are very poor indeed.
What needs to be addressed is the fact that you are not getting your needs met within the marriage and your wife probably isn't either, you each have different needs, hers might be help with the baby or become more involved or help with the dishes or someone who will listen at the end of a long day, and yours might be someone to make love to and who wants to be made love to and who finds you irrisistable. It's so hard on a couple when a new baby arrives, it's hard to find the time for each other. Sticking it out brings you closer. You have the baby in common, you live under the same roof, you got married on the same day, to each other. You don't need to have things in common for a relationship to work. You just need to be more receptive and commited to love.
I really hope that you find the joy that there is to be found in raising a family. Pull your energy back in to the home, you do owe it to yourself, your wife and your daughter.
Delila
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