A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Me and my boyfriend went to my friend's house for a drink with her and her boyfriend. We all got drunk and my boyfriend went and got in a bed upstairs and went to sleep, and my friend also went to sleep, I was left up with her boyfriend who I had got along with well up until then. Eventually I passed out on the sofa, but when I woke up he was fingering me, it was dark and by the time I looked up he had jumped on the the other sofa, after that I noticed I had a substance running down my arm. I didn't know what to say or do. I woke my boyfriend up and left. 2 weeks later I told my boyfriend what had happenend. I never told my friend because she loves him so much and has kids to him, I didn't want to hurt her and part of me thought she wouldn't believe me as he has a way of wriggling out of anything. A while later he tried stroking my leg under a table when she was there I removed his hand and left. I feel stupid for not speaking up, he has got away with it. I thought the best thing was to stay away from him and forget then nobody gets hurts. But now other friends are telling her he has tried it in with them and it's crushing her she keeps asking me what I think, and I keep saying he wouldn't because that is what she wants to hear. I'm lying to her to save her feelings but if I tell her I know he will manipulate his way out of it and I will lose her, what do I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2009): My opinion is if she's asking a direct question, then you should give her a direct and truthful answer. I understand before you not wanting to volunteer the information, but if she's asking you (because of what other friends are telling her) then the next thing as a friend to do is to tell her.Will you lose her friendship? There is that possibility. But, truthfully, I don't think you will. Because she's asking you the question, it means that she's more open to hearing the truth than if you would've just volunterred it on your own. Know what I mean?Anyway, tell her... it'll hurt her more to stay in a relationship with that pervert.
A
male
reader, yum yum  +, writes (8 January 2009):
 You should speak to your friend in private, without anybody knowing that you are going to have a chat together.
You should then explain the full story of what is going on and what you heard from other people. I believe if you would not tell your friend, she could get hurt in the long run with this person, the sooner she finds out about him the better. He seems to be very manipulative from the way you describe him. However you need to have the courage in telling your friend what is going on, if she values your friendship and trusts you she will take it into consideration and quistion him, yes he might get out of it this time but eventually she will find out how he is like. Take care!
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A
female
reader, tinylass +, writes (8 January 2009):
 I see what you are saying about saving her feelings but in a way you could be making it worse. The longer this goes on the more humiliating it will be for her. A good friend which you seem to be would tell her she needs to know she is being used and he is getting away with it but it could be hard for you when you tell her as you have lied to her, but once you explain why you did it I'm sure it will work out. The question you need to ask yourself is... are you ready for the consequence of what could happen if you tell her or are you able to see your friend keep getting hurt by what he is doing and what other are saying?I hope this helps good luck x
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (8 January 2009):
 Well it sounds like you and your friends have enough material for a little intervention. You fear that she might not believe you, or that she will until her boyfriend convinces her otherwise and wriggles his way out of the situation. But, with so many of you having the same story, it will be harder and harder for her to get her mind changed about what a creep he is.
The best/least you can do for her is to sit down with all these friends and all of you tell her your stories and fears for her. Don't put pressure on her because a lot of times when a woman feels pressured to break up with him, she'll jump to his defense. So don't push her, just tell her the truth.
His behavior is so creepy (approaching you at night when you're sleeping and defenseless)? I would be super concerned about his relationship with his children, especially if you're not the only one he's approaching with this skeevy behavior. Red flag!!
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