A
male
age
41-50,
*ostinspace32
writes:My wife and I have been married for about a year and a half. We have no kids, and I am 27 she is 24. It has been rough financially on both of us, for most of the marriage, and even before the wedding when we were both in college, with us living on my income which was only about 24,000 a year.A month ago I was given a job that we just couldn't refuse, which more than doubled what I make. The catch is it is 3 hours from home and I only get to go home on weekends. She also got a job making a little less than half that, which puts us in a pretty good spot for where we live.The job I have is with the National Guard, and is very secure, at least for the next 4 years. We have discussed just moving here, but when we do I can always tell she doesn't really want to. She says its because she likes the people she works with, although she complains a lot about how she doesn't like her job.The part I'm having trouble with is she seems to get more and more distant all the time. Even when we were struggling she always seemed happier although she complained about finances a lot. She used to call me on her lunch break every day, send text messages throughout the day, and call me constantly if I had to go out of town for drill weekends for the Guard. When I would have to leave for a week or 2 at a time it drove her crazy. Now it seems almost as if she doesn't even want me home on the weekends. She never calls on a break, and in the evenings she wants to talk for 5-10 minutes. If I try to be "touchy" or romantic, she complains that all I want is sex. I've tried talking to her about it, and even said it seems like she used to love me more than she does now, and her response is always just bouncing it back to me. No matter what I say, her answer is "No you do" or something along those lines, and when I go home on weekends and try to spend time with her she will spend a little time with me but then go back to her computer and play games. I'm lost on what to do, does anyone out there have any advice?
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male
reader, lostinspace32 +, writes (13 February 2009):
lostinspace32 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the great answers :)One thing I forgot to add, Nat8124 kinda hit on something, but rather than it being feelings for someone else it may be that her dad lives near us. Her mom died a few years ago, one month after my dad oddly enough, so her dad is lonely and I think she feels like she's betraying him if she leaves.pvtguy, it's nice knowing I'm not the only one confused by the opposite sex!
A
female
reader, Nat8124  +, writes (13 February 2009):
First and foremost - congrats on the new job, sounds like a good deal and it was clearly the right decision for you to make under your financial circumstances.I am 24 have been married for a year and a half to my husband of 29. The first year of marriage was AWFUL. We have been together for nearly 6 years and we almost didn't make it to our one year anniversary. I'm going to say something you don't want to hear. It sounds like a very real possibility that your wife has feelings for someone else. The fact that she isn't willing to move only 3 hours away, a journey home that could be easily made once or twice a month, suggests that there is something in her life that she really doesn't want to leave. This doesn't mean that she doesn't love you. Remember your wife is still young, she has found herself married and alone for the majority of her week.I would suggest that you sit your wife down and ask her the reasons for her not wanting to move. Explain why you feel it is important that you are together and try to understand things from both points of view. I really hope I'm wrong for you. You sound like a good man. Whatever the issue, I'm sure if you and your wife can comminicate better, you will both get over this and have a successful marriage. Good Luck.
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A
female
reader, Mrs. Mom +, writes (12 February 2009):
 I don't think anything will help except seriously talking about what is going on with her. My suggestion is you get very serious about talking to her and tell her you can't go on living with her with this distance between you. Make sure she understands that it's because you love her and want to be close to her.I went through a similar period with my husband early in our relationship. I was forced to work 60 miles away from our home, and we grew distant because of the forced separation. I even considered sleeping with other men. It's very, very difficult to carry on a relationship in those circumstances, and both partners have to be committed! Make sure your wife knows you insist on her commitment.Good luck.
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A
female
reader, kindredheart +, writes (12 February 2009):
Your both young and can handle change easily, believe it. Most people do not want to change. It is a fear. Your problem is, not the job/extra money thing it's because your away from each other too much. I suggest you ask her to move closer to your work with you. Good jobs are rare and this could be the wave of the future for many, many people. Your just ahead of the game. Start fresh and new at a new place and make it exciting. Life is about challenges and staying together through everything. I think if you sell this postively, it will make both of you stronger. As for going back to the way it was....remember, you can never "go back" and expect things to be the same as they were. It rarely, if ever happens.
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