A
male
age
41-50,
*ove4Life
writes:I dated my wife for four years. She believed in no sex before marriage so we didn't have sex even though she wasn't a virgin. On our wedding night we had sex and she seemed to enjoy it. In the following months we had sex once or twice but she just laid their most of the time . This year its already April we didn't have sex on our one year anniversary and have had, lay still and maybe he'll be quick sex, once. I feel ugly and depressed I try to ask her her fantasies and she says she doesn't have any. I try to be romantic for example I bout roses and made her a bubble bath and stuck the pettels in their. I let her relax and enjoy herself. She just doesn't seem to get turned on. I tried foreplay but as soon as I touch her she pushes me away and says not now. I've asked her to make love to me and she says the same thing all the time not today. I love my wife but sometime she seems more like a roommate that sleeps in the same bed. I promised her she would never be lonely but I find I'm the one who feels lost and lonely. I have this constant thirst that I cant satisfy and I feel I am out of my mind with lust sometimes. I try to give her hints but she doesn't seem to get it. I've been with one other woman in my life but never had trouble turning her on. Their is so much I have never done in a bedroom and so many fantasies I have but I can't seem to get past first base with my wife. I know that I am not ugly lots of beautiful women hit on me every where but my heart belongs to her and I have never and will never by the grace of God cheat. I just don't know what to do. I guess nice guys really do finish last
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anniversary, depressed, first base, foreplay, roommate, wedding, wedding night Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Love4Life +, writes (26 April 2009):
Love4Life is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks everyone for the good advice I'm still figuring it out but have some new ideas now. Again Thanks Every one who answered gave sound advice.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2009): I've run across this a few times. Usually she feels like everything's fine; if there's a problem, it's *his* problem because he's some kind of sex maniac.
If you want things to improve, you'll have to be proactive. That means communication and probably counselling as well.
Best of luck.
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A
male
reader, NightLad  +, writes (21 April 2009):
 Providing that your wife is not keeping any secrets from you that may be impacting her reaction to sex (childhood abuse, rape, etc.), than I would surmise that the problem may be one of sexual incompatibility.
Some people may get along famously in a non-sexual relationship, even feeling true love and desire for the other person, but in the bed they may be emotionally void. For whatever reason, there is a disconnect when it comes to sex. This is when a sex therapist (or marriage counsellor if this disconnect impacts other areas of your relationship) comes into play.
I believe that a healthy committed relationship between two married people should contain at least some level of sex. Everybody is different so I won’t try to comment on what is “normal”. However, when one partner is completely absent and shows no signs of interest, than something is deeply wrong. It certainly sounds like you’ve done more than your fair share in trying to promote bedroom activities. Perhaps now is time to bring in a professional.
To help in your search, I suggest you visit this website (they have a state-by-state directory);
American Association of Sexuality Educators Councelors and Therapists
http://www.aasect.org/
PS: Nice guys may finish last, but guys who finish last are nice!
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A
female
reader, BettyBoup  +, writes (21 April 2009):
 I think you need to sit her down and have a really frank discussion. Tell her how you feel lonely, rejected etc. Tell her how much sex means to you. Ask her if there is a reason why she isn't interested in sex. I agree with what Star said about just being naked with her. Try to just spend time being affectionate with her. Maybe offer to give her a sensual full body massage so she will become more confortable with that kind of touch. If she was a virgin, maybe she is very afraid of exploring her sexality and if she's very religious maybe she has some shame attached to sex due to her upbringing and beliefs. If you are really honest with her and express how much you love her and how much making love to her means to you, hopefully she will open up to you in time.
Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2009): why do you associated ugliness with not having sex - if you think that then why not just get a paper bag.
It has nothing to do with being nice either - what's the alternative? she wouldn't have married you.
I knew someone once she had been assaulted as child - she didnt like the thought of sex (for obvious reasons) it took a lot of coaxing (wrong word, but you get my drift)for her to come out of her shell and relax and enjoy.
how are things like kissing?
Talk to her - what does she say as to why? She might reveal something that happened to her in the past.
Explain how you feel - tell you want to be naked with her and just hold her. Maybe over a period of week increase contact.
Lie with her - ask her to use your hands as if they were hers. - just caress her.
Talk to her and see what she says....
Star.x
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