A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm a 20 year old college student, and this question is about a woman."S" has been after me for a while. Nothing too overt, but none the less I understood what was going on pretty quickly. I wrote it off a bit as the freshman girl's (which she is) need to find a guy in college, and that happened to be me. I've been busy with a number of things this year, and didn't have the inclination to figure out how I felt about that.Nothing out of the usual, until of course I hung out with her a few times and started to question my thoughts about her. Each time I would walk away with a little bit less resolve about my stance of just being friends, though I would shake it off on the drive home.But now... well things are a bit more complicated. Thursday we studied together (her idea) and she pulled out the big guns; she relaxed around me and opened up.Bam! Medic, I've been hit!Course it's just a flesh wound right now, but who knows with time?Which, unfortunately, I don't have. She's leaving for the summer in a few days, and this last get together, I think, was her final shot at getting me to "see" her.Here's my question, how do I go about approaching her about these new found emotions? I would feel like an ass if I called her up and choked on telling her. Hell, maybe I should just let her be since I took so long to get here.My problem is that if I spoke honestly to her about all this, it would run like,"Hey "S". So, I'm going to be blunt. I've developed feelings for you over the past few weeks, but I've been keeping myself at a distance so I don't get hurt if things go sour between us. I've just gotten out of a bad relationship (with one of her friends, which is infinitely ironic) and I don't want to get in another one unless I'm absolutely sure it's going somewhere and I can trust the person. Now you've shown me how fascinating you are, and the more time I spend with you the more I enjoy your company, and the more I feel I can trust you, but I'm not sure yet. Moreover, I don't want you hurt either. So could we keep in contact over the summer, and if you're game, in the fall pick things up where we left off? I don't know where we're going, but I do know that I want to try."Which now that I look at it isn't half bad. Thing is, I don't think I'll have the courage to actually make that call. I would write to her, but that's so impersonal for this sort of thing, and furthermore, I need to be able to talk to her about it.So there you are. Problem presented. Wish I could give you a multiple choice list, but I'm out of ideas. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2009): All that sounds a bit heavy. Could you just say you'd like to be friends with her?
She'll know you've just broken up and may say something about it.
But was she after you when you were with her friend? If so I would tread carefully.
A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (21 April 2009):
 Starfish had some good ideas.
I think that you're letting fear hold you back.
You don't have to pour your heart out. Just invite her to the movies, beach, etc. for an outing.
I think that you need to get your courage up and take a leap of faith. Sometimes, that's all it takes. You're never going to change your luck until you do.
I just plagiarized a song, by the way, but it's worth plagiarizing and it applies to your situation. :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2009):
Why not just say a simple "hey, i enjoyed spending time with you studying and getting to know you. Do you fancy going for a drink\coffee\movie\art gallery\x sometime?" then seeing where it goes....
or as you are out of time, why not say "look i was going to invite you out, but summer is here, so would be neat if we could meet up?"
Generally best not to over think these things - whilst you are thinking she has fallen asleep... go do - stop hanging around analysing....go do
Star.x.
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