A
female
age
18-21,
*illy943
writes:are my parents right to take such drastic action to stop me drinking alcohol underage ? in the past couple of weeks i have been coming home drunk ( NOT ON SCHOOL NIGHTS )my parents said they are worried and unless i stop drinking they will have to take drastic action, last friday night i got brought home DRUNK by the police my parents went mad and said they have had enough, the next morning saturday my parents locked me in my bedroom as a punishment, they said i can no longer be trusted and they have no option but to lock me up for my own good as well as to punish, my parents said i will serve a minimum of 4 weekends imprisonment, no tv no phone etc, i will be set punishment essays to write and my parents have given me leaflets on the dangers of underage drinking , i have to copy these out several times as part of my punishment ADVICE PLEASE ?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2021): I am not a parent, but I would definitely be worried if my teenage daughter was brought home by the police for being drunk. The way they are reacting shows that they care, for sure. I imagine they feel out of control, that they don't know how to help you stop this behaviour and this is their best solution. I think this method is likely to backfire as teenagers want to rebel and treating you like this is going to make you angry with them.
My advice is:
Start trying to communicate with your parents better. Look up non-violent communication. Practise it with them. This will take time, don't expect success right away. Maybe talk to them about getting a therapist - either you alone or as a family. They clearly love you and feel they can't reach you. If you start talking to them they will start to loosen the reigns. They won't feel so out of control, they will start to understand you better. You can build trust between you. They love you, they will love it if you start talking to them in a non-combative way. Good luck!
A
female
reader, milly943 +, writes (27 May 2021):
milly943 is verified as being by the original poster of the questiontomorrow when i get home from school i will be locked in my room , i cant tell you how much i hate being shut in, my parents say its necessery to keep me safe as well as to punish, i have to write another two 5 page punishment essays and the weather is going to be warm and sunny so you can se why i am MISREABLE , my main problem is i want to go to my friends party at a theme park in 2 weeks time my parents refuse saying i am being punished and must serve my punishment in full, i am finding being locked in my room at weekends a very dull and boring punishment, i know i have done wrong but i dont think i deserve to suffer like this do you ? i all i am asking is to put off my punishment for one weekend so i can go ADVICE PLEASE ?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2021): I think you need to think about why you feel a need to get so drunk that the police get involved.
Clearly this tells me that the amount you drinking just isn't safe.
You're not alone in this even though you may feel very alone.
Some people drink to forget things they have done wrong or to forget things that others have done to harm them.
I think your parents are terrified that Someone will take advantage of you while you are drunk.
You understand the mechanism of rape and murder by your age and hopefully You don't seriously believe that the world is full of nice kind people who will drive you home!
The police will do this and perhaps even charge you with being drunk and disorderly and I think in all probability they would rather do that than just find your body dumped behind a rubbish bin or in a river.
If you start to read the news daily you will soon realise that this life is no picnic.
Your parents are clearly worried about you.
They fear that knock on the door where the police come round and ask them to identify your body.
That's the reality of the grief they're facing.
All those years of trying to give you a healthy start in life can be taken away so easily.
So they are desperately hoping for some miracle that would make their beautiful daughter quit alcohol.
Maybe you have an addictive personality.
Maybe you just like the taste of what you drink, or maybe you just keep sipping a little more again and again out of nerves.
I think you could ask your parents if you could join a group that does teenage mentoring because you need some help with growing into an adult.
Imagine that you gave a bright red, shiny sports car to a very close friend and the very next weekend it was destroyed and wrapped around a lamp post and your close friend killed in a car accident.
You would be devastated.
Well you mean so much more to your parents than that sports car and friend.
You may only understand this when you are older and have a child of your own.
And while you consider that option ,please remember that a mum-to-be drinking in pregnancy damages the baby growing in the womb.
If you take a look in the mirror and see yourself as relatively undamaged then you can rest assured that your mum didn't go on alcoholic binges for the time she was pregnant with you.
She was careful to watch everything she ate and drank in order to give you a chance in life.
And that's just the start of it.
The reason it's hard for you to understand this is because you are caught in between realities.
Maybe your friends encourage you to drink excessively.
I hope you survive this difficult time.
Also please don't forget that unscrupulous people often slip date rape drugs into drinks .
The mechanism of rape isn't sexy or exciting. It's brutal and leaves a person mentally and emotionally scarred for life.
You need to try to think beyond this as a parent daughter conflict.
They literally want to save your life.
And they're not sure they have the capacity to save you as you don't seem to understand about the evil that can be done to you so easily by being blind drunk.
Not to mention accidents like drowning and being knocked down on the roads.
You seriously need some help so that you can value yourself a bit more and realise that an early death or the shortened life of a teenage prostitute are not good options.
You could talk it over with your doctor or ask for a social worker.
You could ask for some talking therapy.
And perhaps you should stop hanging out with friends who couldn't care less about your welfare or your safety.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2021): The most effective punishment is denying you the freedom to do whatever you like to do; or taking something away from you that you value or cherish. Not allowing you to hangout with your friends, and taking away your phone, tablet, or laptop; so you can't play games, or message your friends. They still allow you to post online; but I think you should be working on your punishment essays.
Behave yourself. Show some remorse and chill. Maybe they'll soften-up; but bringing the police into the situation made things pretty bad. That's what you're failing to realize.
You have embarrassed your parents in-front of your neighbors! Seeing a police car pulling-up in-front of their house to bring you home. They've got to face everyone; while it looks like they're bad-parents who can't handle you. It makes you look like a bad and unruly-kid. You're not; but what you did certainly won't convince anyone peering through their windows the night the cops drove you home drunk!
I don't think your punishment would have been so severe; if this was your first and only offense.
Drunk...and involving the police???
I think the punishment fits the crime! I guess this was the last straw, my dear! I'm just glad nothing worse happened to you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (26 May 2021):
 EDIT:
You knew that you should get drunk to a point where...
Should have been:
You knew that you shouldn't get drunk to a point where..
Of course.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (26 May 2021):
You think that you should be able to do as you please because you are 16. Even when you turn 18 doesn't automatically mean you can do as you please. If you live at home you have to follow your parents' rules AND the law.
It sucks that you can't go to your friend's 16th at the themepark but... YOU only have yourself to blame. You knew that you should get drunk to a point where you need the Police to bring you home. Yet you did it more than once.
Your parents can't trust you.
Instead of whining, take the time to reflect and GROW up a little. Take responsibility for your own actions.
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A
female
reader, milly943 +, writes (26 May 2021):
milly943 is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni know i have done wrong and deserve punishment, but i want to repair the damage, plus also my friend is having her 16 birthday party in 2 weeks time, it is at a top theme park and i am invited, it is of course on a saturday so i will be LOCKED in my room, and cant go i have begged my parents to let me go and i will serve another weekend instead, they refuse saying my punishment is loss of freedom which means NO going out of anykind, is this fair ?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2021): Sweetheart, you still don't seem to get it. I know our firm words might seem like everybody's picking on you. If that's how you see it, that means your parents have a longways to go to get through to you.
Your parents love you very much. They love you enough to go through drastic measures to protect you from yourself. You've fallen under some bad-influences. I know there are some boys and other troubled-kids involved; and you're trying to show them just how cool and grownup you are. You're not! You're still just a kid, but not a little-girl. You'll eventually answer to the law for your bad-behavior. You are so difficult that your parents can't even trust you; and you think "they're" wrong for punishing you. Your rebellious-nature is taking you down the wrong path.
Girlfriend, seriously?!!!
You don't realize how what you're doing now is hurting you and effecting your future. You're also hurting your family. The police gave you a break by bringing you home. Your parents know that it's going on the record that they've failed to keep you out of trouble and under proper supervision. Eventually, this becomes a court matter. You might end-up in a juvenile-detention center; and under court-ordered supervision. You don't know what being locked-up or imprisoned is, my dear!
What you're going through is mild compared to being kept in detention. Mean-girls are there; and they will beat you up for fun, and bully you. They will teach you what path you're heading down; and show you that you'll only end-up like them, and where they are. They like bad-ass newcomers like you; so they can take-out all their bitterness and frustrations out on your snotty little hide; and show you what badass really means!
Think I'm just saying all this to scare you? Wait and see! I don't jive and talk nonsense. Hardheads make for soft bums, kiddo!
My props to your parents! I hope they'll keep-up the good-work! I've spoken harshly; but all this is for your own good, sweetheart!
If you want attention, we'll give it to you; as long it keeps you too busy to get into trouble!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (26 May 2021):
What do you suggest they do instead of their "chosen" punishment?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2021): Be grateful your parents love you enough to punish you for this. They are worried about you. Why do you need to get drunk? If you must drink just have one or two and stop. Or better still, dont drink at all. Apart from anything else this binge drinking will be wrecking your insides.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2021): Yeah! Give my best regards to your wonderful parents!
You're a handful. The police got involved. You could have been raped, abducted by a pedophile, or died of alcohol poisoning. Child protection services might even consider your parents neglectful; if something terrible had happened to you.
You're fit for rehab, juvenile-detention, or reform school. If they don't get through to you, I don't see a good future for you. Out-of-control teenagers on drugs, or addicted to alcohol; cause a lot of heartache, and many of them end-up missing, or dead.
Better to be locked in your room by your parents; than in a cell by the police.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (25 May 2021):
Good spotting there YCNBS!
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A
female
reader, milly943 +, writes (25 May 2021):
milly943 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionmy parents are not happy with my attitude and say my punishment may have to be extended to 6 weekends imprisonment, they say i have shown no remorse, they said that this coming weekend while locked in they expect my punishment essays to be of a high standard and show remorse, and that i am learning from being punished, or my punishment will be extended this is so unfair dont you agree ?
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A
female
reader, milly943 +, writes (25 May 2021):
milly943 is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni am not locked in a basement, i will be locked in my bedroom my parents say this is to keep me safe as well as a punishment, i will only be locked up in my bedroom at the weekend so i cant sneak out i really hate being locked in i hate it i have asked my parents to give me another chance but they refuse saying i can no longer be trusted to stay in so therefore my bedroom door will remain LOCKED at all times my plder sister says my punishment is long overdue and i deserve to be locked up and punished ADVICE PLEASE ?
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A
female
reader, milly943 +, writes (25 May 2021):
milly943 is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni am not locked in a basement, i will be locked in my bedroom my parents say this is to keep me safe as well as a punishment, i know i have done wrong but i HATE being locked up i will be so misreable is this fair ?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2021): You are lucky your parents did not put you in a boot camp rehab.That is what I would do with you.And you would stay there till you were 18.You have a huge chip on your shoulder and you need to get knocked down a peg or two.Your parents should punish you more..You got off way too easy.If there was not a rehab near you I would make you live with nuns.You are what we call in the usa.....a spoiled brat.Yes you are.Shame on you for stressing out your parents like this.Grow up.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (24 May 2021):
 I'm pretty sure you left a post or two a while back along similar lines, accusing your parents of being too harsh. A quick search on your username also throws up similar posts from today and a couple of weeks ago about your parents being harsh on you (for stealing this time).
https://www.reddit.com/user/milly943/
https://www.reddit.com/user/milly943/comments/
Either you have too much time on your hands and a vivid imagination or you really are out of control (not only getting blind drunk underage but also stealing).
If you really are getting so drunk, you need to be thankful your parents care enough to try to stop you. Next time you might not be lucky enough to be brought home by the police. Next time your parents might be identifying your body in a ditch somewhere. Think about THAT.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (24 May 2021):
You are under 18 (which is the legal drinking age in the UK) so you shouldn't be drinking, especially if they have TOLD you that you CAN'T while you live with them.
However, can they lock you in the basement? No.
But I do understand their frustration because you seem to not give a single shit with regards to the "rules" of your parents and LEGALLY and OTHERWISE you are still a minor.
Obviously, you can't respect the rules so they CHOSE to do this to you.
No tv and phone for 4 weeks? Having to write an essay or two about how dumb underage drinking is... Seems more than fair.
Being locked in a basement.. not so much.
If you can't play by the rules and respect your parents, this is what can happen. THEY are still responsible for you as you are UNDERAGE.
I think you should consider what CAN happen if the Police didn't bring you home.
I grew up in Denmark and underage drinking is pretty much the norm. However, EACH family has its own rules. I could do more or less what I wanted as LONG as I kept to the rules. WHICH (shocker) I did. My parents were pretty relaxed about it, but I had plenty of friends whose parents weren't. And guess who NEVER got in trouble? ME.
You play stupid games, you win stupid prizes.
Suck it up for those 4 weeks. And if you can write this post you obviously have access to the Internet...
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