A
female
age
30-35,
*otsalove.
writes:Hi, me and my boyfriend met 15 months ago online when he was in iraq. After a month of talking (i know it was early) but we declared we were in a relationship. He was due to fly home in another 3 months so we were gunna meet when he returned.Two weeks ago i was online talking to one of his friends who ended up telling me that my boyfriend had cheated on me. He told me it was with one of their mutual friends. I found this girl and emailed her asking for the truth. She emailed me back saying that her and my boyfriend had started talking when he was in iraq and then started 'dating' as soon as he returned from iraq and they slept together a few times. I flew out there a month after he returned. When this girl found out i was there, she broke things off with him. She also told me that he continued to fool around with girls at parties that she was at after i had returned home.I confronted my boyfriend on the phone who denied it to the ground. I broke up with him anyway and in my rage and upset i went out that night, got drunk and went home with another guy and slept with him. I didnt feel bad the next day, but neither did i feel happier.For the next 3 days my boyfriend begged for me back constantly, cried down the phone to me and told me he loved me and wants to change. Finally he confessed to being with that girl and sleeping with her, but then went on to say that he hadnt met me yet but when he did he fell in love with me. (He denied fooling around with any other girls). I took him back and its been a week now. He gave me all his passwords for emails, myspace, facebook etc.. Ive seen messages, texts, emails to other girls that are just wrong. He said he wants to change but my big question is can they really change? Should i give him another chance? This girls story was true and hes confessed to half of it. Why would the other half be lies? I wont see him for another 2 months because flights are expensive at the moment, but im losing hope every day and just feel like ill never get over it. What do i do?
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female
reader, Duckyhelp  +, writes (13 July 2010):
 Break it off and tell him you can't trust him. As you havnt met him and dont live near him its easier to get rid of him. I suggest you do this as soon as possible. If you dont trust him and he blatetly lies to you then he isnt right for you and your wasting your time.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (12 July 2010):
 I am sorry, but you should end your relationship with him. He is not taking your relationship seriously, and that is a lame excuse he comes with when he says he "hadn't met you yet". You were in an official relationship! He clearly thinks being long distance is a free ticket to cheat without feeling guilty. Too bad for him that he fell for you after he had cheated on you. And about that, how does it make you feel knowing that all of your relationship up until that point was not real for him? It was fake? He didn't love you or even think of you as his girlfriend?!
I'd be enraged. He'd be dead to me. Doesn't matter if he now declares his love, for months he told you he was your boyfriend when he was acting like a single man. Or even worse, he acted like someone elses boyfriend. No excuses cover that one. He doesn't respect you or relationships for that matter.
No, I don't think he will change. And if he actually does, good for him. But you have been cheated on, and deserve better than a cheat who lies to you and then gets away with it. Which is exactly what he'll have done if you take him back. I don't know if you will ever get over it. But the question is: should you get over it?
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