A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been out of touch with the dating world for years now. Now I'm completely over my ex and getting out there dating guys, but I'm not quite sure what the usual expectations are when dating. I'd love some clarification on any or all of these points...- At what point when dating someone do you become their boyfriend/girlfriend? Is it just assumed after a certain amount of time or do you discuss it? If you do discuss it, how would you bring that up in conversation? - Is it acceptable to be dating more than one guy at a time? Should you tell them that you're also seeing other people or only if they ask? I'm particularly concerned about hurting this one guy I'm seeing who hasn't had a girlfriend before... I think it was a big deal for him to ask me on a date - what should I do to avoid him getting hurt? At the moment I'm just interested in getting to know him, but so far I think we could work well together as a couple. - What's your opinion on women asking men on dates? I've heard mixed views on this - some people say if he really likes you he'll ask you out, so I should just sit back and wait, but that seems so frustrating and submissive, and what if he's shy?
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (22 September 2009):
I agree with Emilyanswers. Speak to your girlfriends in Oz and see how they date. As for approaching men, of course you can approach them. If you see Mr Right, grab him! Lots of luck.
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (22 September 2009):
It's very different depending on where you are in the world...
Americans like to see lots of people at the same time and then pick one and have a serious sit down talk about it, and dump the rest.
Sounds like a nightmare to me!
In the UK, we see one guy at a time, (well one that we are kissing, you can have friends etc obviously) and after a few dates, if all is going well it's kind of assumed that you are boyfriend and girlfriend. Obviously if you tell them up front that you want a casual thing then it's all different.
I think you need to just ask your girlfriends in Oz what the rules are out there, or hope one of our Australian Aunts from your area can explain it a it better.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
male
reader, Illithid  +, writes (22 September 2009):
 1. If you two are in a monogamous relationship where you're not going to be seeing anyone else (or at least, not as more than friends), then you're boy/girlfriend even if it's just started today. I suppose it's whenever you agree that you're "a couple," but for me it's just been as soon as, and for as long as, you two are dating.2. If you both agree that it's not exclusive, then you can have other dates. Or if you and he have just gone on a couple of dates but haven't really decided to be a couple, maybe. But a lot of guys are going to expect that you date one person at a time. If you're interested in dating several people here and there, be upfront and honest about it with each guy you're with, or there could be misunderstanding and hurt.3. Go for it. Some men want to call the shots and do the asking out, but most of the guys I know would love to be asked out so the girl takes the fear of rejection and lets the guy say yea or nay for once. Plus, with all the guessing games women put men through, it would be great to just know she's interested in dating, instead of asking her out and wondering if she's really attracted.
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