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female
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*kemmet
writes: I guess I am simply looking ensure myself that I am not crazy for feeling the way that I do. I met my boyfriend a couple of years ago and we moved in together last June. I quickly realized that we are incompatible in a big way, and now I'm thinking of asking him to leave. I am constantly stuck with the housework. Here's an example - He won't do the dishes because "he doesn't make any dishes." (I'm not sure WHOSE dishes those are that I'm constantly washing...) It's like an alternate reality, seriously. Our apartment is huge - 2200 square feet - so I spend at least an hour or so every day just picking his clothes off the floor, doing the dishes, etc. I'm not a neat freak by any means, but I think reasonable people should pick up after themselves.I work full time, go to college full time, and I have a small child at home. I simply don't have the time to be someone else's maid. To compound this problem, I make more money than he does, meaning that I also pay more than my fair share of our expenses. I have tried everything to get him to just pitch in a little, but he makes all kinds of promises and then just - surprise - doesn't do anything.I am beginning to wonder what exactly he does contribute - "why are you here?" - and thinking that I might be much better off by myself. The thing is, he is my best friend. I don't know if I LOVE him anymore, but I sure do LIKE spending free time with him. However, I am beginning to resent him all the time for the extra responsibilities he puts on me, and I think I am going to break it off. Has anyone else felt this way - used - in a live-in relationship? Am I nuts for wanting to break off a relationship over housework?Thanks for any advice!!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2006): I doubt your boyfriend will change his habbits, but you may want to give him that option before kicking him out. You don't have time for this. And knowing that you have a small child, it will become an issue of how attached your child will become to him living there. If you know his behavior will only continue and you are not compatible living together, better to get him out soon, before your child gets older enough to miss him living there.
A
female
reader, charlie432 +, writes (7 February 2006):
Nuts? god no. I was exactly the same a while back, you have to get him to understand you are not his mother. He sounds like he's insecure and needs someone to look after him. make him realize he needs to grow up, and take responsiblity for his mess! I am by NO MEANS AT ALL a neat freak, I'm messy, very messy, but at least it's all in one place where I live! Maybe you should buy another cupboard, and anything you pick up of his, put it in there. When he reaslises he has no clean clothes left, he will notice how much you do. You need to feel appreciated for the work you do, so make it clear to him. Don't become his maid, it will ruin your confidence, make you tired and frustrated, and depressed. Get him to sort it out asap or he's out! Best of luck! Charlie x
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