A
male
age
,
*eddybear48
writes:I will never understand women!!!!!!However, I would like to...... maybeFirst, I was a workaholic who made lots of money but she wanted me to spend time with her.Lost this one.Second I stop being a workaholic thanks in part to three accidents that leave me disabled for work but just fine for daily life activities.I meet a woman who I love very deeply in that I love to listen to her voice, watch her sleep, see her smile, kisses like wine, eyes to fall into forever, but she is to skinny, the right height to dance with, and the best lover I have ever had.Her body sings as we make love and I have never met such a woman.The problem and question are this.After all this, she likes money more then Love and only kisses me and makes love to please me.She does not get aroused before but only after, I touch her.Therefore, I spent 22 years, 5 surgeries, and a lot of time and effort trying to get back in touch with my feelings to the point where I can now cry in front of someone and I find the woman of my dreams. But only to find out that money is her number one reason for living, she dislikes love making, to messy and time consuming (I take to long) even though she is great at it. Now I cannot get in the mood to love her knowing she does not like it and if I spend time with her, she then feels the need to wait on me and cook for me and buy more food to feed me.As a disabled person I have SSI and though it is not a lot of money it is more then enough for me to live well on but not for two people so she considers me poor, she hates my doing volunteer work for free and she wants me to think of ways to make money only.She has only been in the USA for 5 years and I am her first lover.So does it sound like we can make it as a couple?How much money do you need to be happy and she says $300,000.00 then she can retire and rest.Is that enough to retire on?Even though her mind does not like sex but her body does will they ever join up?I had 27 years of construction experience as well as 15 years as a mechanic and 5 years in electronics repair but I can never go back to any of it.I have 6 pounds of Titanium in my back so I can walk and ride a bike and dance but when your back says rest you do it quickly.So I have no training in anything else and to get more would be a minimum of 2 years back to college but she doesn't want to wait that long.Didn't Love come before Money or do I have it backwards?After you make love to someone, you are committed to a long-term relationship yet I have to wonder if I can make this work between the two of us?I am not sure she wants it too.Should I take her seriously when she says I should find someone else?How would I do that?Who would want a man who is always around?A man who only wants one woman?A man who can fit into anyone’s schedule?Except the woman, I love right now!I want to take her out to eat but she says I am to poor to do that?I don't know what to do?I sit at home doing video projects, writing, reading, and watching movies.Regular TV is not for me and I do not watch sports, I rather play them then watch them.I want to go over to her apartment and surprise her, give her a hug, and then go home myself but I never know when she will be home.She says she loves me but it seem more like an adopted Mom and I do not need this.I have concluded long ago that I will never find someone to Love me as I would Love them, but it would be nice if a woman could meet me half way.Is that to much to ask for?Does love grow?Can she learn to Love?She never had any as a child in China just schoolwork and housework and then army nurse work and then recovery from accident work. (Lost her left hand)She has three brothers, a sister all married, and all have children except her.She sticks to Chinese ways even though she is in America but does not understand our ways yet or even feel that they are good to learn.I feel like I am going in circles and not getting anywhere.I do not know if I can be of help to her.I don't know how to get through to her about my American ways?I really do not know anything about women it seems!I am being pulled in so many directions that I am resorting to writing this very personal message to a stranger for advice.I don't know how to be there for her?I don't know how to teach her about me?I don't know if I understand her even a little bit?I do not know if we will ever love each other equally.I don't know what to do to help her?I am lost and adrift, I need advise please?
View related questions:
disabled, in the mood, money Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2008): Thank you
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2008): hi ,
first , i know it is difficult to forget your first love . i have gone through this experience before five months ago . i tried several tims to keep her with me ,but she did not she took me like a toy . after that i promise myself to forget her . i was upset , sad and i would not to see anyone , i cried alot . but after that i forgot her completely . i startedwithher pictuers ,her mobile NO. i remomved everything that may make me remember her.
i read your message and i realize that she does not want you as you are . she goes after her happiness no matter what's happen with you, i advice you to go back to her , tell her about your emotions and love towards her , if she understand you then OK if she dose not so thats up to you.
KEEP IN MIND
the one who sales you with a dollar , buy him with a smile , love , hug , and kiss!!!!!?????.
the one who wants to steel you , just open your safe and cover your eyes!!!!!
I think it is better to find another love who can give what you need not thinking what she can take !. Keep in mind that she is not the only girl in the global . I know you love her but she has choosen herself , her happiness and your money .
goood luck
...............................
A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (14 August 2008):
 I read through the other responses quickly so if I repeat what was said, sorry.
first off, you are dealing with some insecurities about your injury and current physical situation. You need to understand that life is what you make of it and there are plenty of woman around who would want a man who is able to be there for them, to help around the house, to be there when the painter comes or the plumber comes or to take care of a dog for instance. You being around is not the problem. You being poor is not the problem. The problem is about how you feel about all of this. We each bring specialties to a relationship and you need to learn to value what you can bring because there is value in being around, in cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, running errands, etc. Life is not all about money. So, work on you.
Next, what I read about the new woman you are in love with concerns me. Are you in love with being in love or in love with the skinny woman. Are you sexually compatible, do you want the same things out of life (harmony or money or Love or what?). You are here asking the question so I have only to assume you have concerns. I would not like it if I knew someone only liked me for my monitary contribution. There also seem to be some major cultural issues you BOTH need to work on. If she is not willing, it doesn't bode well for a long term relationship.
But don't think that this woman is all there is out there. So if she is not the right one, move along.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2008): Hi
my friend, FLOAT on a calm sea and try not to think you are in a storm.
You are stirring from within and need to be TRUE TO YOURSELF, this is how this lady will learn about you and HERSELF. Keep doing the voluntary work ( if you enjoy it ).
It appears to me a STRANGER who is sat in rainy England, that you are doing (everything) for this lady but not getting any return. Love has no price as you know and should never be SOLD either. Your lady friend you can not change, she is who she is! However she can change if she wants to. It also appears to me that you are feeling that you want to be NEEDED, this you can find in other ways.
Above all remain true to yourself, not to others, and their values, or status. If they want to become someone then let them MAKE IT THEMSELVES. Poverty comes from your lady's pursuit, and you will never be poor if you let your spirit be your guide, not your ego that is needing. Love will find you in the strangest places and will not cost you a penny, or ask more from you than you can give.
I think you know the truth really and your drifting lost feeling is just YOU in PURSUIT OF YOUR spirit which is PRICELESS and wonderfully unique and can give so much. I do hope you find reciprocated love one day and i hope you find happiness and nearly forgot find the ARTIST WITHIN YOURSELF and colour the world with poetry...paintings...dance...music...
Have you ever tried the EXPRESSIVE ARTS in DANCE for the disabled? LOOK UP THE DANCER AND CHOREOGRAPHER STEVE PAXTON, you may find new doors open up for you in life and healing and LOVE.....VIA CON DIOS.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2008): So according to a couple of posts love is all about bothering mainly about yourself. God help us!
Might the other person clear off? mmm hard one that.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2008): I would say she is nursing a man that as been damaged by his environment.
She says she loves you why do you doubt that? Why can't you have love and the sexual side develop in time. Instead of the other way round.
She won't let you spend your money on her. Hardly sounds like a gold digger to me.
Remember this woman is from a different culture. Perhaps such practices are not so prelavant where she originates from.
And as a foot note what's all the SHOUTING about.
Good luck
...............................
A
female
reader, starrya  +, writes (13 August 2008):
First of all no man understands women completly as women cant fully understand men.
second each and every girl you go out with will want different things no matter how similar and with this girl your seeing and your problems in the bed maybe you should experiment different positions and foreplay (if u havent already.)And with the whole american ways maybe u could introduce her to some of your friends the more people she knows there the better chances she has of actually understanding things better.Maybe she wants to hold onto her culture so maybe u could try and actually understand hers as u try and make her understand yours.
Who would want a man who is always around?
A man who only wants one woman?Answer: Every WOMEN
A man who can fit into anyone’s schedule?
ARe you kidding me with this statement, millions of women wish for that, believe it or not there are plenty of women out there who would want to snatch u up despise you r lack of money and disability. Dont let them 2 get in the way, Money comes and go, believe me and even though your poor she still with you isnt she, so she cant be after only your money. I dont want to make the desicion for you but i cant really see this relationship end out lasting long unless some major work put into it, these problems should be talked about with her, you need her opinion and how she really feels. If it ends up in an argument atleast she knows how you feel and the only way your really gonna resolve these problems is by solving them together.
I cant say whether she loves you like you love her cos i dont know her like you do, maybe you should spend some time thinking about what would make YOU happy, what YOU want instead of worrying about her feelings and what she wants. This is actually beggining to worry me. I want to help you and i want to give you great advice but i know i havent been of any real help. Now im confused?haha
Plus you cant learn to love someone i guess it just happens, i mean come on did u learn to love, no its not a lesson you can take. I stick with my previouse answer and just take some time out and think whether this is what you really want, to keep guessing, to keep being confused. You want the truth i think your in this relationship because your scared, your scared youll never find anything better, she should be your companion and everything should be done equally, nothing should be one sided. You can find someone who loves you for you, maybe even more, maybe she does but like you doesnt know how to show it. wEll tht it for now i have completly forgotten what else i wanted to say, i didnt think i write this much, can you please reply to me to tell me whether this helps cos im kinda new at this. hahaha( i bet knowing that boesnt help.)
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2008): Dear Poster,
Vow, there is so much that I would like to share with you; so much I would like to ask you and most of all I would like to try and HELP you; it is not always easy typing things the way you want to express yourself but I will try anyway.
You are not a boat without a rudder on a stormy sea! YOU ARE in CHARGE and CONTROL of your life; You make the decisions; nobody else can do it for you; you are the CAPTAIN of your VESSEL;(and God will assist you if you allow HIM).
You must know and understand your needs and your wants before you can ever try to understand women.
Yes, I agree the opposite sex can be complexed to understand but if you work on it and concentrate on it, vow, it becomes a challenge and can be very interesting.
I do think you should concentrate more on your OWN needs and wants; I suggest you should stop trying to PLEASE others so much; the woman in your life should be with you for WHO you are and not what you can offer financially; BECAREFUL of "golddiggers" and fortune hunters;
I can assure you that there are lots of women out there that will love to have you in there lifes; paying them attention and giving then LOVE; Maybe you are just not with the right person;
I do believe you should TAKE STOCK of your present relationship and maybe you need to MOVE ON; it sounds from what I read in your posting as if you are being USED; It does not sound as if this lady is giving you the emotional support or love that you DESERVE;
I personally suggest that you need to remove the "blinkers" from your eyes; and look at her for who and what she is;
Vow, yes, it might sound harsh, but I do mean it; you need to stop trying to please her; start thinking about yourself first;
Only if you are really and truly happy can you make those around you happy; You are not happy in this relationship and you cannot keep it going on your own; "it takes two to tango";
Do yourself a favour and do some "stock taking";
I suggest you need to find yourself; you need to find the happinesss you deserve with somebody that will value and appreciate you for who you are;
BUT
you also need to get in controll of your own self esteem and not allow anybody to "drag" you down; you have lots to offer to the right person.
You do not need help to help the present lady in your life; You NEED HELP to HELP yourself to think about YOURSELF, your NEEDS and your WANTS first.
Always here to try and assist you.
Best wishes and lots of SMILES
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2008): Try learning her ways, expand your mind.
...............................
A
female
reader, Mzbabybat +, writes (13 August 2008):
 i feel sad that the young lady cant see that your what girls like me really want. she seems like a.... toy.... almost. shes there for you but not at the same time. you CAN do as you please to her and she doesnt stop you. But she doesnt support you back. unfortunatly i believe that this may be the girl you lose to her own selfish needs. id say explore your surroundings some more. break up with her. if she really cares she'll stick around. explore other people. dont have to date right away, but find another person who likes the things you are.
...............................
|
