A
female
age
,
*inder
writes:I have been involved with my boyfriend for approximately 6 months. We were friends prior to dating, and we have known each other for for over 18 months. We saw each other for a month in the beginning, and because things were going so fast, he broke things off. That only lasted about 6 weeks, and we have been together ever since. We are at his place most if not all of the time, and the past month (once he told his girls about me), we have been together literally every day. There has been some mention of marriage recently, but only in passing. Some days I feel that he is ready to be married, and other days, I feel I'm just there "visiting." His ex has even asked his girls if we were living together. I still have my house, but I'm rarely there, except to change out clothes or to check on my dogs (I know have a dog sitter). How should I approach the subject so that it doesn't seem that I'm pushing for something too soon? I know I'm ready to make the commitment (the first time since my divorce 20 years ago), but I'm still not sure about him. Neither of us are kids (he's 38 and I'm 47), but I don't want to waste time, energy, effort, money, etc., if this is really just an interim relationship until something better comes along for him.
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female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (14 August 2008):
 Do not push marriage on him. This is still a fairly young relationship. If I were you, I would balance my time better than giving it all to him. Make sure you have time for family and friends. Don't center your life around him for several reasons...1) men don't like women without other interests (they appear too clingy and there isn't much mystery about them) and 2) what if things don't work out with him...you have no support system to fall back on.
There's a lot going on, even if you do spend 24 hours a day with him. See the relationship through some holidays, some seasons, etc.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2008): Hi
I understand what you are saying, but i would think twice before you mention marriage. If you are HAPPY then why just not enjoy the moment...it could last a lifetime! don't try and run ahead of both of you or you will miss the moment. let things unfold naturally stop pushing. However if you really do not want to put energy and effort in to the relationship without THE REWARD OF MARRIAGE then let it go! Remember( It is the journey not the destination that is important) arriving at a destination can be boring when we miss the fun of the journey.. bit deep but i hope you understand. Happy days!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2008): Vow, I wish I could be talking to you face to face;
I wish I could just give you a hug; this must be so unsettling for you;
I can understand your FEAR and emotional confusion; It is not easy and I can almost feel your NEED for commitment; BUT
you have to be carefull; don't "chase" the guy away with being to "clingy" or to much in need of commitment;
Vow he has children to deal with as well as he might need time to sort out his own emotions; 6 months, surely if you are happy and by the sounds of it you are; give him a little "rope"; I understand your feelings and hear what you say;
BUT
I do believe it will not harm to just hang in there a little longer; be patient; this guy has a lot to deal with; give him your love and support and try not to pressure him at this stage.
No harm in having some light conversation about the future; even suggesting the waste of keeping two apartments; as you are spending most of your time with him; THEN monitor his reaction; BUT don't push him; I think it might be to soon;
I suggest you give him a little more time, but meanwhile politely test the waters.
Best of wishes and keep SMILING
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