A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi their just a quick question,i have great relationship and i trust my partner but the distance is making me crazy but its not too bad..but i have had so many problems in the past with cheaters or people hurting me that its really hard not to be insecure.my bf would do anything for me as i would for him.. but sometimes at the slightest thing puts me in a mood like say for interest he cracks a joke about a threesome even though he told me he would never want to do it and neither do i i mean he was joking so why the problem.. so question is how do i help my insecurities from getting the better of me?and how do i tell my bf of this problem without making him think i dont trust him which i do.. thanks in advance..LA xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for all your advice, i know i need to relax and not let it grip me, im stressful at work to which doesnt help neither does the depression i know im verging on because i injured my leg. i think i need to take a step back and relax and not let everything get on top of me.. thanks again for your help LA x
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2008): Dear Poster
You have received excellent advice from the previous "uncle and aunt";
I suggest if you cannot deal with your insecurities on your own please get profesional help;
You need to work through these issues that is holding you back from enjoying a fullfilled life and relationship; it is not easy dealing with these matters on your own and can take a lot longer; to save you lots of time and for your own benefit; I URGE you; get counceling; you will reep the benefits.
I can assure you it is worth your while; I wish I could assist you BUT unfortunately the internet is not the way to do it;
You will never regret the investment in yourself and in your Future.
Best wishes and lots of SMILES.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2008): I always say the one reason so many people suffer with insecurities in relationships, is a direct result of allowing their fears to grip them and staying loyal to past 'baggage' (pain of crappy past relationships). All this 'stuff' no longer serves you, hun. . All this does is make you clingy and needy-a very unattractive trait to people who care about us. But I will say, we've all been there and so many of us, permit that BS to control our thoughts and mold our future happiness. What is the most painful part of all this, is some of us hang on to this 'stuff; and we have an a stubborn, unwillingness to grow beyond that. Because, when one is not satisfied, fearful, frustrated, insecure, it's very hard to see things differently and make new choices and take new actions. You do have a choice between "fear and freedom" here. But it takes a total change of perspective and attitude, that allows you the freedom to move forward, in a happy, secure way.
Slow down and think calmly, girl. Take this nice fun relationship, one day at time. Just relax and simply learn to enjoy his friendship, his caringness and have fun! Smile, think positively and he'll take note of your inner beauty, if he hasn't already. And just calmly and intuitively allow life to unfold and put no pressure on him. He's not with you to 'give' you a life...he's with you to 'share it'. So respect that and ease it up on yourself, too. The long term reward of doing all this is: Balance. You will feel stable and centered, no matter what happens and you will also be open to many wonderful surprises...and the pleasure of being with him, takes small steps and one does it with with grace and ease.
So I recommend you get rid of the 'fear' and baggage... because it's blocking your own feelings of self-acceptance, self-love and self-approval, Fear teaches us that one doesn't deserve contentment, happiness. It sort of "whispers' in your ear, that no one could ever love the real you. But we know better. So sweety... please, get a grip on that fear and the whole world of real love will open up for you. That will be the only way to finding happiness with your guy. Good luck and I wish you the best.
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