A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So I've been sexually abused, and I can handle most of it just fine, except for one thing. I have a HUGE problem with people touching me, mostly family. My dad thinks that it means I dont love him, and he had told me before that its okay if he touched me. I don't want him touching me, but how do I tell him to not touch me without telling my secret? If I tell him I was sexually abused he would flip and want to know who did it and all that, I DONT WANT TO SAY! I dont want him pushing me for an answer, but how do I tell him to not touch me without him thinking I dont love him? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2007): Your father is trying to show you affection and you are refusing it without telling the reason why. The more you rebuff him the more hurt he is going to be and for a man that goes DEEP. TELL THE TRUTH. LET YOUR DAD FLIP OUT AND STOP PROTECTING THE CRIMINAL WHO ABUSED YOU.You are your father's daughter, he will move heaven and earth to protect you. Yes, he will be mad but at least you can get rid of the abuse that you have been harbouring and allowing to rot your soul for all these years. Seek out counseling about the abuse and get that person put in prison for what they have done to you. You will be touched from the rest of your life be it accidentally or by family for hugs and affection even handshakes at work. One day you will have to tell what happened to you and you will either blurt it out or someone will sense it because they see the same behavior from other abused people.
A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (21 July 2007):
 There are two old sayings. 'The truth will out' and 'That which does not kill us, makes us stronger'
You have had a terrible thing that has happened to you and it's affecting your relationships with your family and mostly your dad. You say you can handle most things fine and thats ok, sometimes when something bad happens, we push the problem away and don't face it, we feel we can 'live' with it, but we never 'deal' with it. Problems like this have a habit of coming back to haunt us and can shape the way we live our future life. Eventually though the truth has to come out and what I think you need is a way of telling someone in your family that this happened to you, if only to relieve some of the pressure.
I think you are afraid that your dad will judge you in some way, or be dissapointed or angry that this has happened, but abuse is not the victims fault and they do deserve help and support to overcome it. Telling your dad might seem horrific to you, but I doubt it will be fatal and it may reinforce his feeling that you trust him. It will also explain to him the reason why you don't like to be touched.
If you cannot tell him directly, try to confide in another close family member or perhaps a school counsellor who can maybe put you in touch with a specialist who can help you address your feelings. Speak to someone in a position of trust who can speak to your dad about this effectively.
You will, if you deal with this, come out as a much stronger person.
good luck
Aunty Em x
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