A
male
age
30-35,
*reenisthecolor
writes:I've been dating this girl for about a month now. She's cute, silly, beautiful, smart, and pretty darn awesome. But there are things that are making me turn away.Before we started dating we were both in very tough relationships. My ex girlfriend was pretty much crazy as was her ex boyfriend. I never really brought my ex up though, while she did. She told me that he abused her, raped her, tried to kill her, etc. Yet she still talks to this guy, which amazes me. Theres one turn off. The fact that she works with this guy makes me pretty uncomfortable too.Then I find out that her sister hates me. She left this really crazy message on facebook about me but I've never even met her. Saying things like if I go near her she will tear my balls off and punch me in the face, wowsers. By this point I started thinking, what the hell am I doing?Then she tells me that she is not romantically attached to me. This pretty much made me want to just end it. I told her well then there's no point in us seeing each other if that is the case. She then said that she finds me attractive, funny, and is in love with me. I asked if she wanted to be just friends, no go. I became extremely confused and listened to what else she had to say. She says that shes been thinking about her ex. I'm like well maybe we moved into this too fast and we should take a break to see how you feel. She begs me to stay, cries, says she loves me a lot, etc. We have been together 1 month, kind of scary. Now lately she has been really quiet and stressed. She says that it's because of school and work building up. We both go to school and work A LOT. But I don't know. I'm starting to kind of get stressed by this and it's only been one month. I have feelings for this girl, she can be the most amazing girl I've ever been with at times. I'm just not sure what is going on with her. Everything moved so fast, the I love you's, planning the future, etc. She confuses me a lot, I'm not sure what is going on with her ex boyfriend, and yeah. Something just feels wrong. What should I do? Whenever I try to talk to her about it she insists it's just work and school. I'm not even sure she would tell me if it was something different.
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female
reader, Jen1689  +, writes (24 January 2011):
 I wouldn't ignore your feelings on this one. If you feel something is wrong, and you feel as though there's too much going wrong after only being together for a month, maybe you should take a break from her for a while. I know she'll cry and beg and spout "I love you"s, but you have to think about yourself here. She said that she misses her ex, and she still talks to him and works with him. That should be a red flag instantly. My fiance's ex was crazy and dramatic and a complete sociopath. He talked about her a lot, but never in a positive way. If he ever once told me that she was on his mind and that he missed her, I would've ended it. There's no reason for her to be holding onto this guy if you two are going to make things work.
As far as planning for a future with her and being busy and whatnot, that's normal. I did the exact same thing with my fiance within the first month. I think it's due to the rush of feelings you get for the other person and for the relationship. Don't be scared by that until she starts making threats about leaving you if you don't marry her or some such nonsense. A relationship should be free to grow for both partners involved, and one should never feel pressured. If she makes you happy, be with her. But if she's giving you mixed signals like crazy and not being honest with you, I think you should take a step back from the relationship to breathe. If she runs back to her ex, then you know that she wasn't worth it anyway. Good luck.
A
male
reader, CJH  +, writes (24 January 2011):
 A month in and the alarm bells are ringing so loudly yet youre ignoring them? Come on, read your question back to yourself and think about it will you?
All the odd things, her sister hating you, her stories about her ex trying to kill her dont they tell you something? Its patently obvious to me that the girl is living in some kind of dream world and is feeding a different story to everyone around her. That would certainly explain why her sister seems to have judged you without even knowing you. It would also expain why she still talks to the ex who supposedly treated her so badly.
Do yourself a massive favour and get out of this relationship before youre in so deep that you cant escape.
You sound like an intelligent guy, I know love is blind but you really should have come to this conclusion on your own.
Sure, when people get together and the chemistry is right, a lot of minor niggles get overlooked - I`d hardly call your niggles minor though!
If things are this crazy a month down the line, can you imagine how bad they will be after a few more months?
Why not insist on the friendship thing and try to get to know her a little better before continuing the relationship?
She may be gorgeous and witty and all those good things you mentioned but sometimes, looks really dont make up for serious personality flaws do they?
Save yourself my friend. This girl sounds like she needs a shrink rather than a partner.
Good luck.
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