A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Ok. I feel like an idiot already. I have a girlfriend, an awesome girl, we love each other a lot but the thing is, I think she's hiding something in her past. Then again she's always been a little strange. Things I have noticed that lead me to believe this are as follows:1) She has weird friends, the youngest one is a girl half of her age cuz she's on her swim team, and the oldest one is a sixteen year old guy (something I'm not happy about in the least) with a 2000 Ford pick up, the age difference and the genders of her friends is not my concern, what is is the fact that she's distant from all of them, sure she brightens up when they walk in the room, but she's not really close to any of them2) She's an only child but there's this little short emo guy who she treats like a little brother, they even call each other big sis and such. He's also one of her ex's (however I don't know if he can be considered an ex as she explained they were 7 and she never liked him beyond the point of friendship)3) She and her "little bro" are in a pins and needles relationship, sometimes they act like best friends (she has a lot of guy best friends, but that's not the point I trust her and she swears her guy friends are friends) but other times when she lectures him about being emo (a habit she's been trying to make him quit, she acts like his big sister yelling at him and helping him when she can so I think that's where they got the nicknames) anyway last time she was lecturing him we were at school in the lunch line, my arm was around her and it was her 'little bro's' birthday so she made him a present, a little thing with yarn or something she loves crafts, but back to the original point, he told her not to tell the councilor but he'd accidentally cut himself while falling in Gym, she nodded but he added, "Or I could say something and put you in counciling for the rest of your life" He could just be teasing but she went stiff as a board and said, "I don't need F###ing counsiling!" 4) Panic. A friend of mine has real sick minded friends and when my girlfriend and I were at a dance one of his friends tried to make me harass her, I decked him but she panicked and ran out. When I caught up to her hiding in a corner she was almost in tears and all I could get her to say was "a bad memory" after awhile she calmed down and we went back to the dance, the faggot friend apologized to her through a bloody nose but she still wouldn't explain anything5) She has a strength obsession. I'm told by about fifteen guys that she beat them arm wrestling, she's the strongest girl in our grade, she beat me and my friends as well. She's on the swim team, even though she's not officially on varsity she can beat them, I'm pretty sure that's the source of her strength. Whenever a guy hurts one of her friends he usually has a black eye before the day is over, and most don't want to pick a fight with her. Only the strongest guys do, I defend her but she usually laughs off the stronger guys, but when she does she'll close herself off, she'll tense and stop talking or smiling and then change the subject and jump back to herself6) Her desire for pepper spray. She came into school angry one day because she wasn't allowed to bring pepper spray any more because apparently it was considered a weapon.7) creeper. I'd known that she lives in the country but kind of in the middle, not out in the sticks, she rides a van to school and there's one guy on it. Whenever we see him in school she shouts "creeper" or "pervert" at him. I asked her why and she said he's her neighbor and a pervert and the girls on her van hit him a lot, he harasses them and they retaliate. Well as you can imagine I was about ready to beat him up, but she assured me she'd hit him so many times he doesn't harass her anymore.I'm still not satisfied with her answer about the creeper, I'm pretty sure she's safe with her family because they all have guns (even her) but I still do not like the thought of a creeper being that close to my girlfriend, and the fact that the van driver doesn't do anything about it. Her 'little brother' I'll accept as a friend only, I know she's never go back to him, she's made that perfectly clear as he is also a bit of a creeper and she keeps him in line, I know it sounds weird but when I, or even any of her other friends look at her and her "brother" they all agree they're siblings and nothing more even though they don't share any blood. However her mysterious behavior, it makes me wonder if she was hurt or abused by an ex, I know it's not domestic abuse because I've met her family and they're nice only they're a bit wary of her having a boyfriend. I'm sure something happened to her, I don't know what, and where does it make me stand? Should I be prying? If she was hurt what do I do now? I am I just paranoid or is something going on? If so why does her "brother" know and not me? She's not slutty or bad, just different, I love her and I don't know what to do. We've been dating since Christmas.Please, advice would be great.
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best friend, christmas, her ex, her past, teasing Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2010): It sounds like she wants to be strong to fight guys who are trying to sexually harras her off, it's a wwierd one... I hope things work out XD
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (24 May 2010):
 She's probably been hurt before. Don't ask her about it until she feels like sharing this with you. You can just comment on her tough, protective personality and hint that you want to see other sides of her personality too. I am curious about what she sees in you. For her it's very black and white, guys are either perverts, rapists or little emo brothers needing protection. What you do is proove to her and her family that you are not a bad guy, but not a little brother either. She is slow to intimacy. You have to prepare that she may never open up to be vulnerable again. While you don't want to pry into her private life for fearing that she thinks you are judging her, you want to emphasize that she should not let whatever happened in the past affect her ability to love and receive love.
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