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female
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anonymous
writes: I was at a club with my best friend (Alice), we where having loads of fun. This guy came up to us and had a dance with Alice. They traded numbers. Although I danced with loads of boys I felt jealous. I feel like this a lot. Anyway about two weeks later, Alice had been on two dates with Jamie (the boy). Alice had to work, so I went clubbing with some other mates and I saw Jamie there. I went up to say hello, we had a few drinks and danced a bit and, I don't know, he is just so good looking and he put the charm on. I ended up in bed with him. I felt ashamed by what had happened. The worst part is at the beginning I felt proud. I think it is just because I know I'm a lot prettier than Alice, so I don't understand it when she gets gorgeous guys when we are out. I know I do too, but I get so jealous and I can't help but do it. It isn't the first time I have done it to her. It's happened four times now and they just then lose touch with her. Sometimes because I tell them to, and other times they just saw us both as a bit of fun, I guess. Anyway now I feel awful about it and Alice is really upset that Jamie isn't calling her. He texted me saying "look, we were both drunk and I'm sorry about what happened. If I explain it to Alice she might understand. Could we tell her because I do really like her". I replied "We aren't going to tell. At the end of the day you have just slept with her best mate. Either way she won't want to see you again. Sorry babe x". I've been thinking maybe I should've let him see her again. Please help. I don't know whether I should come clean to her or not? Am I being a bad friend? Help please!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Daisy Doo  +, writes (20 March 2010):
 Tbh love i don't think you such a bad friend your what i call vian and a slut i don't mean to be ofensive but thats my piont of view i say poor Alice. (I LOVE HER NAME!!! :D) Sorry if i hurt you but thats the truth honey, sorry x
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2008): All I'm going to say is that youre a terrible friend and you should listen to what your saying because if youre even asking this I know you know the answer it doesn't sound like u truly care for her because you wouldn't do that, youre just conceited babe!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2008): I do not know how old this question is, but you just asked a completely dumb question! Yes and you should come clean about what you did, that isn't cool at all. Let me ask you this question, do you think that you are a good friend?? Friends do not betray eachother at all, especially over a guy. Far as being a good friend.....Answer that on your own. Go pick up a dictionary and define that word!!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2007): Im sorry to be harsh.
but what kind of mate are you?? If my mate did that she'd get a slap.
That was a proper bitchy thing to do and if you lose her as a friend thats the least you deserve.
Its not all about looks, its personality and confidence.
You may be pretty but you could be damn ugly on the inside and by the sounds of your actions im not surprised.
You seriously need to re evaluate yourself and your actions and do a hell of a lot of growing up love.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2007): i don't meean to sound horrible but I think its hilarious!!! if you are so much prettier than her then its probably because guys are intimidated by you, do you give off bad body language i.e crossed arms? bitchy scowls? if not then please someone tell me why guys go 4 less pretty girls when the gorgeous ones are stood right next to them? (i thin k its obvious im speaking on personal expierence)
can i ask what star sign you are? me just being weird i know but seriously?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2006): tsk..tsk. All I have to say to you, is "grow up, knock that huge chip off your shoulder and join the human race". I truely feel sorry for you. People like you never learn about compassion, goodness and humanity. Such a sad, sad case, you are.
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A
female
reader, Angel Underneath +, writes (1 January 2006):
I half assume you are just writing this for a reaction!! But incase you're not ..then most guys your age would snog or sleep with a monster looking girl if she makes it obvious she is available and easy which is what you are doing so I wouldn't be so sure that they're interested in you for your looks and personality. The smile will be on the other side of your face when a guy that you really like comes along and decides not to gte involved because of your reputation.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question Ok i came clean to Alice tonight at Joes New Year Party, she was really upset but it is ok i feel better about coming clean:) thank u very much and i got all the attention at the party! I'm afraid i did it to Alice again, i snatched this boy, carl off her when she was dancing with him and because i had come clean i didnt feel bad about it and was able to snog his face off infront of her! I feel great ready for this New Year, it feels good to know i got the guys and the looks, i have a great future ahead of me so im ready for it, cheers !!! Happy New Year!
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2005): I give you credit for being honest and asking for advice via this website. As harsh as this sounds, right now, you don't know how to be a friend-let alone a 'bad' friend. Any female friend, who is interested in seeing if she can attract male attention from another good female friend, is a huge concern. Put yourself in Alice's shoes. She likely feels that 'friendships between females' is a bond like no other. Counting on our girlfriends in good times and in bad is what we gals do best. Those of us blessed with great girlfriends understand implicitly that depending on one another and cheering each other on through both major and minor life crises is the foundation of true, genuine friendship. Good friends talk, listen and simply show up for one another. They 'trust' each other. After all, isn't that what friends are for? So what's up with you? Why do you have to prove something by bedding, flirting, dating... Alice's bf's? You compete with her-you want what she has. I find that sad. You wanted this flirtation-the thrill of pursuit, and you don't care what that did to your good friendship with Alice. You may wonder why you are jealous and find a need to do this to Alice? Well, when one has a very low opinion of who they are, they look for ways to try to elevate their opinion of themselves. Many times, insecure people bolster their own egos by being jealous and doing malicious things behind another's back. Is this you? I dunno-only you know for sure. If it is.. I would recommend you look at your behavior and realize that you may need to learn to be a more mature, compassionate person and to live your life with givingness and integrity. Do the right thing..come clean with Alice. You will lose her as a friend but she has a 'right' to know what you and her bf did behind her back. This bf of hers stepped out on her with you..it's likely he'll do it again with the next available warm body that comes along. Tell her and at the very least..allow her to discern whether she wants to remain in this relationship with him.
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A
female
reader, mommyofthree +, writes (31 December 2005):
 Do you really have to ask if you being a bad friend? There is never a time when sleeping with a friends boyfriend is okay. You are getting jealous and purposely ruining her relationships, this is wrong on so many levels. A good friend would be happy that she is getting attractive guys, and would not stand in her way of happiness. If I were you I would tell Jamie that you are sorry for not allowing him the chance to be honest with Alice, and then tell Alice that you have been trying to ruin her relationships by seducing her boyfriends. In the end you will probably lose your best friend, but maybe that is what you need. Maybe a little time alone will make you understand how you should be treating someone you call a friend. Good luck.
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female
reader, mystify +, writes (31 December 2005):
 yes you are being a bad friend, your problem is you are not happy with your share of attention you want ALL the attention! whether or not your are prettier than your friend is in the eye of the beholder and if a guy chats up her instead of you you should be pleased for her and turn your attention to all these men you say are giving YOU the attention,i had a friend like you, i dont see her anymore, she was poison, and now she wonders why all her female friends arnt interested anymore!i think your friend deserves better, come clean, find a differant friend that wont stand for it, do anything other than let this carry on or youll cause so much hurt
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2005): First things first clear this up with alice tell her everything and if she wants to be friend or not after thats her choice. you could maybe even show her this letter to show you feel truly sorry.then after that has cleared up think about why you act like this ??? are you jealous confused feeling arrogant? whatever it is sort your feelings out and get back on track. maybe you shouldnt be friends with alice anymore if it makes you feel this way.
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