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male
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anonymous
writes: Hello, I'm 22 and have been dating a 15 year old girl for about 9 months now. Our relationship is very good and understanding. We haven't had sex and don't plan to till she is old enough. Her parents do drugs and drink a lot so their permission to go out with me goes off and on a lot. They love me to death when they're sober and even let me move into their home for a few months when I was going through a tough time. The thing is, when they're doing thier thing they always say they're going to have me locked up and everything. I live in Alabama and can't find a clear law against dating her, but do I need parents' permission to date her? If so, is there something I can do about them always getting drunk and wanting to take anger out on us?
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (31 December 2005):
 I'm no legal advisor, but a quick peruse of "Alabama law" sites gives me the information that the age of consent in your State is 16 for girls. That's the age for legal consent to sex (curiously, 14yo's are allowed to marry in Alabama, but I guess once married, they're not allowed to have sex for 2 more years!)
I couldn't find any reference either to a legal statute about "just dating", so it would appear that it does indeed comes down to parental permission. Specifically, they could forbid you and their daughter to go out, because she's a minor and their responsibility, though it appears that if you don't have sex, at least until she turns 16, the law wouldn't touch you, because there's no ruling that says an adult can't go out with a minor.
There isn't anything you can do about their anger and substance abuse problems, except keep their daughter safe from it. She may be used to seeing it and regard it as normal, so she will really need to know that it *isn't* normal, and need adult role models who can deal with the pressures of life without drugs. Make sure that you and your friends are good role models, so your girlfriend has a more balanced view of how adults should act.
Limit the amount of time that you spend with the parents when they're on one of their benders. That way, they won't have a chance to blow up at you and/or take it out on their child. If you get the opportunity to speak with them when they're both straight, ensure that you tell them that you care about their daughter and want her to be healthy and happy... which is why you have only pure intentions. (I'll assume that's the truth.)
When your girlfriend turns 16 and has reached the "age of consent" in your State, then this may be less of an issue for the parents, since using The Law will be less of a threat.
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