A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am in a very sticky situation.My bf and I have been happily together for 10 months and were friends for about 5 years prior. Things have pretty much gone off without a hitch, except for his very attractive, charismatic best friend. She is beautiful and a stripper. The two of them have been friends since childhood, and I always felt that they had some special connection. I never wanted to interfere in that, so I tried not to act too jealous, bit it's really hard.They used to go on road trips just the two of them and hang out really often, but since he and I have been together they only see each other 2-3 times a month. He still talks fondly of her, makes her things (like a bracelet for her birthday when he didn't give me anything for mine), and he is the first one she calls when she wants to go do something.What really gets me is that he WON'T say that I'm hotter/prettier than her. Last night he said if I wanted her to be less attractive I should feed her more, making her look more like me basically. I'm a tad chubby and have always been insecure about my weight. It really hurts that he doesn't think I'm better than her.What should I do?
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female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (14 October 2011):
ok that would piss me off, particularly the bit about if you want her to look less attractive. if hes with you then its you he should be attracted to, as your his girlfriend. its as simple as that. when we fall in love with someone we do find them attractive, regardless of their aesthetic appearance. thats what would bother me. but good luck in all this, you sound like a reasonable person.
A
female
reader, Eyespy17 +, writes (14 October 2011):
What?! That is so mean. (the weight comment)
however if he wanted to date her, wouldn't they be? Or has she said no to that? In all their years as friends I'm sure it's come up and been resolved. So I wouldn't worry about that. But I would worry if he's putting you down and not making you feel like number one. Is it all the time or just when you're fighting? Is this the kind of guy you want to be with?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2011): Yes... that is very painful to hear, especially about a girl he is so close to.
On the one hand, he has been honest in what he told you. It is one of those painful truths. On the other hand, is there a "but" in there. Like: yes, she is more physically attractive, but you are more ___________ than she is??? Also, I find it rude that he said "feed her more to make her less attractive." But there is your clue... it may be a hint he'd like you to lose some weight.
As rude as he said it, you need to consider this carefully. If you decide to lose weight, don't do it for him. Don't do it to try to be like her. If you go down that road, do it for yourself! Do it for your own health, not because of his comment.
I think you have painted a clear picture. She's friends since childhood. He does cut back seeing her now that he's with you. But he still does things for her that makes her seem more special. I feel that this friend is going to be lifelong. If you stay with him, you will have to accept that she is there. You have to determin if that is a deal breaker or not, and it if is not, you're going to have to build your own self-esteem and make sure you and him have very strong trust and respect as a couple.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (14 October 2011):
 This is to do with your self confidence not him. Yes she might be pretty and attractive and you are wanting him to reassure you that she is not, but deep down you know that she is. OK so he won't reassure you that you look better than her, but not everything is based on looks, and I doubt he would be with you if he didn't want to be. Even if you are not as pretty as her, that shouldn't matter, personality is way more important. I understand that you want him to keep reassuring you that you are better than her, but I guess you just need to accept that she is also in his life. She is a close friend to him. As long as you trust him well then don't let her come in between the both of you am sure she wouldn't want that either.
As for him making the comment about feeding her more if you want her to be less attractive, am sure he said it as a joke and didn't mean to imply that she would then look like you, that is just your mind going in to over drive and thinking low of yourself and you are then twisting his words in to making it sound like he is bringing you down. But am sure he wasn't at all.
I'm guessing you knew when you got with him that she would be in his life and I guess that is just something that you need to accept or else there is no point being together, as long as you are both spending quality time together alone and you are making time for each other well then I would try and forget about this other girl. Or even you join them more when they hang out so that you can get to know her as well. She could always end up being a good friend of yours as well if you give it the chance. Good Luck.
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