A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok, so here's the dealio:Me and my boyfriend (It's kinda long distance) is a foster kid. When I met him, he lived five miles away, but a while ago, he got placed in a new home, and he ended up being 10 miles away. Now he's just told me he has to go to ANOTHER home. He hasn't really told me much of his past, except that he used to get picked on at one point, and it just breaks my heart to think about how hard it must be to move from family to family.He's told me a little about the first foster mom I met, but as for the second, he acted like everything was just peachy.I know his past is his own buisness, but I love him with all my heart, and he seems to feel the same about me. Is there any way I could get him to talk to me about that stuff? I really want to be able to help him, and make things better in his life, but if I dfont know what's wrong, I cant do anything.(btw, I'm 18 and he's 17, he's a few months younger than me)
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2011): Why would you assume his past his full of trauma? Maybe it's not. I know you will think it will bring you closer to him if he shares all his childhood angst but it won't.
The best way to draw him closer to you and make him feel closer to you is to make him feel good around you. You can do that by being upbeat and positive around him, happy to see him and spontaneous and playful.
If there is any trauma in his past, forcing all that to the surface will make him withdraw and plus you are not qualified to help him so the end result would probably be a negative feeling associated with you or like you have an agenda.
Just be the best person you can be and a joy to be around.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (14 October 2011):
 I understand that you love him and off course you would want to help him and try and understand his situation more. But am afraid you cannot make him talk about his childhood unless he really wants to. As long as you explain to him that you are there to listen to him and help him if he needs it that is all that you can do. Am sure he has had a very hard upbringing and he has probably been very unsettled, it could take him a long time to open up. Not that he doesn't trust you or anything but he has been alone for such a long time been tore away from everything that is familiar to him so often that he is probably very unsettled. Just show him you care that's all that he needs from you.
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