A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I, too, am jealous of my bf's exes...and I don't even know why? he is 43, never been married, and has only had a handful of girlfriends. I am 40, and have already been married. We have been together for 3 a little over 3 years, and have a son together. Neither of us have other children. His last ex he was with for 1.5 years...he loved her, and he had her move in with him for the last 9 months of their relationship, but he said she had serious issues, and spent alot of her time crying..about her childhood, about her co-workers...everything. He also described her as 'overweight' with very bad skin...he said she used to pick it all the time...and when I said something about it to him, he said 'it was really bad...you should have seen it!'..he also said she had it all over her back as well...but, he told me he loved the person, her skin didn't bother him, he said she was still pretty. The g/f before her...I wouldn't even consider a girlfriend...they dated for almost a year, but they only saw each other on Friday nights...she would come to his home, they would drink a bottle of strong liquor, get totally drunk, and have sex. that was it. She had children, and didn't want him coming over during the week...in the year they 'dated', he went to her home once, to give her a christmas present...and she lived near him. After the year, he told her he wanted more, but she didn't...so he broke up with her. He didn't end up going out with her a few times, after he broke up with the last gf, but they only went out to dinner, no sex...I actually met him during this time, and once we started dating, he never saw her again. He told me that she had bad teeth, from smoking, that he hated kissing her, and that the drinking/sex got old after a while. We got into a fight about 6 months ago...I accused him of doing stuff online that he wasn't doing, so to get back at me, he deleted me on FB, and added her as a friend...I was so pissed. We got into a fight over it, and he told me he did it, because if I was going to accuse him of things he wasn't doing, he was going to give me something to worry about. He ended up deleting her. I went into his account and read their emails...they weren't anything great, he told her about our son, and she told him that if he loved me, he should marry me. She is back with her ex...he is not the father of her kids, but they consider him their father. Of course, I checked out her pictures on FB...she is not pretty...her 2 front teeth are gray...and she has long blonde hair, but it is kind of nasty...she looks 10 years older than she is...she is around 40, and her kids are adults now. She actually works at a store near me, so of course I went in there to check her out...she is nothing great...she seemed really nice, actually someone I could see myself being friends with. MY mom went to the store with me one day, and from the back, she thought she looked OK...but from the front, she thought she looked like an old hag...haha...so WHY do I care about her?? When I told him, after he first did all this, that i thought she looked kind of trashy...like white trash. He got irritated and said that she was a nice person, a good person, and he wasn't going to bash her because of her looks...he said she had a hard life, foster homes, etc...I felt like a petty jerk, but, I couldn't help it. Also, when I first went on his computer, to save pictures one day, and all these pictures came up of different girls.They were pics of girls from the dating site where we met, and they must have been pictures of all the girls he had emailed, not necessarily dated...a few of my pictures were there, but he had about 5 of this ex...when I saw her on FB, I recognized her from the saved pictures (which he has since deleted...he did a while ago) I guess it bugs me that he thought she was attractive...he said just because she had bad teeth, didn't mean she wasn't attractive...but she is kind of yucky...I don't get it....when we first met, he did tell me that he hadn't dated anyone as pretty as me...and when i said that he probably said that to all the girls, he said 'no, not really'.....and he sounded like he meant it. He is definatetly and out of site out of mind kind of guy...he thinks its stupid to worry about the past...and i believe him...I just wish he didn't have a past....:)
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (26 January 2011):
 Out of sight, out of mind sounds like an approach that you should take with his ex's, given that you're actively seeking to find out more about them...
Why do that to yourself? Going to where his ex worked, looking at old photos, its like you're comparing yourself to them... my question to you is... why?? Do you feel insecure? Do you feel unworthy of him? If you do feel compelled to make comparisons between yourself and the girls he's dated in the past... why?
There's gotta be an underlying reason behind all this, I'm just curious as to what that might be.
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