A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok, so i'm kinda in a pickle. I'm a 17 year old bi male and there is this friend of mine who I really like. He seems to like me also, but I really am not sure. The problem is that teen guys seem to "gay around" with each other, but this seems like more than average. I mean, I have guy friends I screw around with, but not to this extent. I have never hid the fact that I liked him, but idk if he knows i'm serious. I mean, when I see him in the hallway at school he always gives me a shy smile, and usually says hey or even sometimes comes up to me and touches me in some way (not sexually, just like a pat on the arm or something). When we are at each others house we are usually pretty close. Like when we are playing playstation or something i always pat him on the back or ruffle his hair when he does something good. He seems to like it. I have also briefly cuddled with him on several occasions, and when we did he nestled his head into my neck and it felt so perfect. Sometimes he hugs me without reason, or when we are watching a movie or something he always has some form of contact with me. Today we were looking at some pictures on the computer and I had my and on the armrest, he then put his there (or rather re-adjusted it) and when he did we were touching, and he didn't move it. I did tell him "I love you" on one occasion and he shyly said it back, but again IDK if he meant it or not. He smacks me on the butt on occasion without warning. He also seeps upset every time I have to leave his house, and often tells me that he wants me to stay, or that he sad im going. The problem is that we BOTH live in EXTREMELY homophobic families. We are both Christians (don't even start). I personally think that he has internalized homophobia. He always joins in on gay bashing when someone brings it up. I just want to know if y'all think he likes me, and if he does, how I can help him get over this and we can have a relationship.
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male
reader, maxieguardian  +, writes (28 January 2011):
I read this and was shocked you and I are in a similar situation, though I am in no way as advanced as you. I'm also bi and 17 and have a crush on a guy at school, in what is a very homophobic area and very Christian family's. We're quite friendly me and this guy, and whenever he sees me he smiles, we talk a lot, sometimes up to an hour non stop, and he doesn't seem to mind being very close together.
I was on a crowded bus with him, and felt him up a bit, im sure he must have been able to feel it, but he didnt stop me, or say anything, and he was fine with me afterwards, never mentioned it, still acts same around me, (makes me wonder if he did feel it though, maybe he didnt). And while I sometimes get a gay vibe from him, my gaydar is non-existant practically and I have no real idea whether he's gay/bi whatever.
I get what you are saying about "gaying around" with eachother, loads of guys do that, for example the guy I like has 2 pictures of him on facebook in a tutu while at a party with friends. Could be bi/gay, could be just mucking around.
However, you've gone a lot further, I've never been able to ask this guy round my house, I don't even have his number, and apart from a few times when our hands have gently brushed against eachother, and the one time, my hand was on the arm rest and he put his next to mine he doesnt really instigate any physical contact with me, and on the rare occasions he does, he takes it away afterwards.
But if he knows your gay/bi, you said you'd made no secret of your feelings, if he was truly homophobic, he wouldnt be hanging around with you at your house, let alone telling you he loved you after you'd just said it to him.
I say go for it, just continue taking it slowly, and see where it progresses, so far, your doing well, I'm jealous to be honest :) Keep up the goodwork.
A
male
reader, AvgGuy1 +, writes (27 January 2011):
 Participation in the whole homophobia stuff is a form of self protection. It's called deflection. You change the focus to someone else so as not to be identified yourself. I wouldn't take it personally. He's probably just afraid of being 'identified' and then ostracized himself. Given everything that you say he does with/to you... I would venture to say that 1) he really likes you a lot 2) is most likely bi if not gay.If I were you, when you are together at your house, be even more physical with him. See if he wants to stay over night (gives you an excuse to be able to sleep together and cuddle even more). Tell him you really enjoy being physically close to him. It makes you feel protected/protective. Tell him you're really glad you two have such a great relationship.You can then talk to him more about how he goes homophobic (so to speak) in public. Ask him if he REALLY means the things that he says/does. Tell him YOU don't believe in talking/treating others badly - who are/might be gay; and if needs be play up on his 'christian' side siting the Golden Rule (Matthew 7:12). And, if YOU are participating in anti-gay rhetoric or bullying, then you need to change your participation as well. Otherwise it will appear as though YOU are being dishonest with him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2011): It really sounds as if he likes you too. As you have already been so direct with him, I would suggest that you continue to be. Ask him if he likes you romantically. Take it from there.
His bashing seems more a way to hide the fact that he is either not entirely straight, or bisexual. Talk to him.
You do not choose who you fall in love with. You especially do not choose which sex. Good luck :)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2011): trust me, that's not normal straight male behavior. sounds to me like he's really into you. or if nothing else, he's definitely curious.
most people who tend to be homophobic are actually gay themselves. that's the irony of it. they tend to feel ashamed of themselves and assume that because they feel that shame, everybody else is ashamed of them, as well. and so to compensate for that fear of anyone finding out, they go the opposite way, and gay bash and trash gay people. it's all just a way to hide their true identity. the problem with this, though, is that it sounds to me like this guy is NOT comfortable with his sexuality and therefore will most likely not be in a gay relationship at this point in his life. just be weary because you don't want to get hurt in this situation.
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