A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm questioning whether or not I should stay with my boyfriend? Lately I've been really frustrated with him. I don't know if I still want to be with him or just to walk away. We have been dating for a year and almost 4 months. Our relationship is long distance 9 months out of the year. When he's home we are about 20 minutes away from one another.Well recently his roommate's girlfriend cheated on him and broke up with him. So for the roommate he's been going out and partying all the time. My boyfriend has been hanging out with his roommates all the time. When we talk on the phone he always ends up talking to them while on the phone with me or he's busy getting ready to go out with them. He knew I was supposed to go up to see him. That same weekend he told me he was excited bc they are throwing a house party and he is djing at a club. He knows I hate going to his house parties because something bad always happens. (for example the girls trying to fight with me and him getting jealous) I feel like I'm at the bottom of his list and that I may be in the way of his partying and his friends. Should I just walk away? I talked to him about it and he told me he only had a year left and he wanted to party as much as he could because after this year he's got to be responsible. He told me he was okay with us breaking up. So I told him that settled that then because he cares about the partying rather me or our relationship.He said that wasn't what he was saying at all and turned everything on me. He told me he changed himself for me. That we went through a lot in our relationship and to end it over this is not right. He said he wanted to work things out with me and I just don't know if I want that. He said he knew he needed to communicate better with me and that he knew he needed to find time for me. But why does it feel like he is still putting me on the bottom of the list? Why would he need to find time? Shouldnt it be he will make for me time?
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male
reader, RayBones +, writes (26 January 2011):
 This is a great question that I think this forum was made for.I sympathize with your boyfriend a bit, when I was 19-25 I was in a relationship with someone whom was co-dependent and would get really insecure everytime I wanted to hang out with my dudes.Thing is this, I was also too young, too dumb, and too inexperienced to deal with it maturely. As you've already guessed there is never a switch that goes from bad to good. You don't make promises, or say things and all of a sudden everything is good. Just like building up to Love, or swirling down to breakup things never happen because of one thing, it's always a process.Here's what I think:Your guy is willing to work on the relationship and that is good. It takes effort because it won't be fixed right away and that is frustrating. You have to help each other to be aware of what is happening. It requires communication and kindness. It sounds to me like he is not seperating his obligations. when he is with the dudes be with the dudes, and with the girl with the girl. After friend time is over, and he is with you, he has to be 100% with you and not thinking about the dudes or texting calling them. Also, you can't encroach on that time. Keep in mind when he is with them he is with them, but when your turn comes it's your turn. Just make sure when he has dude time that you have girl time.The rest is up to you from there. Good Luck!
A
female
reader, love_and_other catastrophes +, writes (26 January 2011):
My belief is that you have to make time for each other, if you really love one another you'd be somewhere near the top if not the top of the priority list. If he wants to party on night then at least make time the previous night or another night you both agree on to be together. Don't let him keep doing this to you honey its not worth it :(
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