A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I feel so sad. I am into a guy who isn't into me and it is making me feel so so down. I know it is a waste to even care and at my old age of 38, you think I would know better. I met him a month and a half a go at a music festival he is 32 and liked him instantly my friends and his spent whole day and night together. We kissed at the end of the evening and it was very passionate and swapped numbers, he texts next day and asked me on date and I said yes, we had a few dates, went amazing calling and texting all time and then we sleep together and amazing. He confessions to me that he has only slept with 6 woman, doesn't sleep around and was bought up a Jehovah wittiness. he left the religion 5 years ago (though was married in the sect briefly) anyway he then doesn't text me for a whole week and then when I find out why he says it is because he got scared and not sure if wants a relationship and this is moving too fast and he I later find out the week before he mentioned this to friends boyfriend. so we agree to just be friends and go to dinner and we end up back in bed and together. then he gets ill (flu) for week and so don't see each other, then when we do it is like we are mates, we go see a movie and them he kisses me on check and goes home... now it has been week and nothing from him. I text him and invited him to friend (who he met few times) birthday. he replied I have plans already for that night. that was it! I don't know... I mean I do, I know that if a guy likes you he will call and text you. if does not then he won't and it is obvious he does not. I am gutted as he was lovely and we got on so well. what is the best thing to do now. I know if I never make contact with him, he won't make contact with me.
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female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (19 July 2012):
 He may be confused because of his faith but I don't think that's the reason (as he has slept with 6 other women.) Things DID seem to go very fast and you both slept together too soon. After him telling you he was scared things were moving to fast you met up again (as friends) yet at the end of the night you ended up in bed with him again! You were listening to your OWN feelings and not HIS which was quite selfish on your part.
If you DO want to win his heart then you need to stay away from him. That means don't contact him either by text, telephone, letter, email etc. IF seeing you meant anything to him at all then he'll miss you and get back in touch (and if he does... DON'T sleep with him, remember he felt "rushed.")
In the meantime if you ever are in his company, make sure you look great, exude a great smile and personality and have fun with your other friends. That way he'll see what he's been missing and maybe reconsider.
A
male
reader, doublejack +, writes (18 July 2012):
OP, the best advice I can give is to not be the one to initiate contact with this man. Give him space. If he wants to potentially pursue something, he will contact you. If you don't hear from him then you will unfortunately have your answer.
Ordinarily I would say that in today's world it is perfectly acceptable for the woman to be the more assertive one. However, in this case I don't believe that will be productive. The two reasons are because he has backed away, and he also voiced concerns that things were moving too fast. I believe those are indicators of a low interest level on his part. So if you initiate he may "play along" for a while, but you would be setting yourself up to be hurt worse down the road.
The choice is of course yours, but I would wait and see if he makes contact.
Best of luck!
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (18 July 2012):
 ... so... the "best" thing to do is to never (EVER!) make contact with him.... and chalk this whole affair up to a learning experience that you would rather not repeat....
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2012): Has he gotten any sort of counselling for leaving Jehovahs Witness? Did he leave on his own accord or was he kicked out? Does he have contact with his family/friends that are still in the religion (which is frowned upon if he has left - if he was kicked out then he is not allowed to have contact with any Jehovahs Witness, even if they are related). The reason I ask these questions is that I was brought up a Jehovahs Witness and I left in 2008 at the age of 28. That religion (cult) messed me up BIG TIME. It's a very controlling religion and it's sooooo difficult to leave and to integrate into 'normal' society.
He has been brought up with what is very much black and white thinking I don't at all doubt that he is confused. I am sure he is going through a difficult internal battle with what is 'right' and what is 'wrong'. I think he's definitely going to need some time to find himself and his own path because he is probably used to the religion dictating how to act/think/feel etc. Even I still struggle sometimes.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (18 July 2012):
 38 is NOT old. Stop feeling old because he was 32. Please I’m 52 and my fiancé is 39… OLD is a state of mind only…
Secondly, I know you like him and sadly most men I find start out like gangbusters and then when reality settles in and they realize what might happen they back off… it’s just human nature….
I agree with Bond Girl… NO SEX with him if you see him again… and give him space and time…
IF you have agreed to be friends nothing more, I’d wait a few weeks then call him (don’t text that’s just not a good idea IMO as a way to have a relationship) and say “hey just checking in…” and see where it goes… hopefully he will be honest with you… I’d not get my hopes up and IF you do start up with him, be very cool and once the momentum is going let him lead. the person with the least invested in the relationship makes the rules.
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (18 July 2012):
 First of all, I resent you referring to yourself as being the "old age of 38". I am 40 and I'm anything but old...I'm just now entering my prime. Well anyway, call him up and tell him you would like to see him again. Tell him you are willing to take things slowly if he is. Tell him if he really isn't interested in you, you understand. Tell him to just be honest.
One word of caution: Don't sleep with him again. Go out with him, enjoy his company, let him chase you, and see how it goes. If he is not willing to go out or communicate with you, then I would move on. It is kind of strange that he has not contacted you, but then, maybe you aren't meant to be together.
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