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female
,
anonymous
writes: There's a guy who comes to the book shop where I work, and he's funny and cute and a little bit shy. We chat for a bit nearly every time he comes in. I'm pretty sure he's unattached because a girl who works with me knows his sister.I've been feeling a little crushy about him and would like to get to know him better. One thing concerns me, though. My co-worker told me (confidentially) that this guy lost his virginity 10 years ago, when he was 15 years old--and to a 30-year-old woman. It wasn't a simple one-night-stand, either, they had an affair for several months. Hearing this gave me a shock. I'm concerned that the experience may have had a lasting effect on him. Can a 15-year-old boy have a sexual relationship with a woman twice his age and come out unaffected? Would it make him more inclined to view women as sex providers, rather than complete partners? Could it have fouled up the way he relates to women? It is likely he will always be attracted to older women?Perhaps it's hard for you to guess how it's affected him, but if you have any experience with this, or words of wisdom, I would be very grateful.
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reader, HappyTimeHarry +, writes (27 August 2005):
There might be some trauma as Irish said, but since he's in good spirits when he talks to you and your inside informant hasn't reported him being emotionally ruined, I bet he wasn't broken by it. He was young and made mistakes like all of us did. I think you should pursue him if you're crushin on him, cuz you might find a good thing. Don't try to psychoanalyze him too much based on what you've been told. It's not like he killed anyone, so I vote he gets a chance :)
"All that you need is in your soul" Lynyrd Skynyrd
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2005): One will never know how this could have possibly affected him. Only he holds the answer to your question. I would just try to befriend him for now and get to know him not as a bf-but as a good friend. Friendships are the best building blocks of starting any relationships and the sensible way to go about it.
Maybe in time, he might tell you what happened and you can better judge for yourself what his attitudes are toward women, in general. He was used and manipulated by a very misguided woman. A 30 year old woman having sex with a 15 year old boy is so terribly wrong. This woman did something very illegal and whether she was caught and had charges laid against her-only he knows. An older woman usually goes for a much younger partner because she wants to feel in control. She might've felt vulnerable and in need of affection in her life. If the woman senses the boy has a crush on her and there's not much romance in her current relationship, she'll be drawn to this and her natural moral ethics won't kick in. With a young, inexperienced teenager, the woman usually becomes the centre of his world. He'll be besotted with her. There is a very good chance, he was deeply hurt by her.
As for his older women attraction..if he has shown any hint of interest in you-then it's highly likely he likes girls close to his age, also. It could be he is trying hard to just leave it in the past and move ahead. For now, just focus on being a good friend to him and foocus on getting to know him just for who he is.
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