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anonymous
writes: I'm 16 and I've been going out with my boyfriend for around 3 months. My friends all make jokes about their boyfriends' bodies, but I'm so scared that I'm never going to be able to take my clothes off in front of someone. I'm not exactly fat, I'm a size 12 and I used to feel good about myself but recently I hate my body and have even started to get changed in the toliets in PE because I don't want anyone to see me. It's ruining my life and I can't stand to look in the mirror some days. If you look at flat stomach Angellina Jolie or thin Keira Knightly- that's what men want. I'm so scared that nobody is ever going to want to be with me. Help please x x x Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2010): To tell u the truth, if ure men really loves you.He will love you for who u r. So dont worry!! Dont change.Be ureself.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2010): I feel the same. I am 17 and a size 14 (hopefully would be 12 if weren't for my boobs) It doesn't help when all your friends are like models but still complain endlessly that they are fat even though they eat complete sh*t and never put a single pound on, they make me feel so inferior. I go to the gym, dance 3 times a week and try to eat healthy but i just can't shift my weight, I get so depressed about how I am and feel like I have no one to talk to who can really empathise with me.
I hope we can both eventually be happy with ourselves.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2010): Let me tell you that weight is definitely not something you should be worrying about right now. If you constantly think about it, it's going to ruin your life and you don't want that! I've delt with my weight problems for years and it's not doing good for me. I feel self-conscious all the time and sometimes I fear that I will die from constant binging and not eating. Please, don't worry about it! Be healthy and live your life! And don't fret about your boyfriend because he obviously wants you, duh, he's with you and not some stick thin girl. Try changing your eating habits and exercise because it will change your emotions and make you happy. If you eat healthy, you'll become healthy. I hope you realize how beautiful you are!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2010): if your a size 12 then what is there to worry about ? if your boyfriend doesnt love you and your body the way it is then he doesnt love you because someone who truely loves you will accept your body the way it is !!
xxxxxxxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2010): Firstly. To all the girls below saying "Im so fat im siz 5 omg f*ck guys", well, learn to spell, accept your slim body for what it is, and grow up cuz mouthing off is really immature. Thanks.
Secondly, I totally feel your pain. I'm a thirteen year old girl, and I'm fine with my body except my stomach. I've a bit of a sweet tooth so I've got some pooch, and most dresses make me feel a lot fatter than I really am. I'm a size 8-10, and that feels really big for a 13 year old. I'm self conscious a lot, and nobody's ever asked me out or anything. But I know the day's coming! =D
My advice to you is, shop around a lot and find inexpensive clothes that make you feel confident. And, if you want to take it to the next level, eat well and perhaps join a team sport. (Tennis is FUN.) And if your boyfriend thinks you're hawt, then nobody else's opinion matters!
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female
reader, miss d  +, writes (2 June 2009):
 trust me you dont have a problem im 18 have a child that is 9 months old and i have celulite every wer and ive gone from size 8 to 12 and i hated getting changed or even looking at myself but you no what i looked at myself one day and thought look at you it dosent matter how you look i have a great personality and im kind and i listen and that gave me more confidence it took me 7 months to get changed in front of my partner again and when i did i felt good about it cause i got rid of the thoughts that made me feel bad and i looked at all the good points about me and who ever the person is that you get changed in front ov e.g boyfriend they should'nt mind what you look like if they love you .
hope this helps.
miss d
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2009): I'm going through the same emotions as you. I'm only 14, and i have been very proud of my body until this year. My two best friends suddenly started talking about how fat they are. One is samller than me she is only a size two, and the other even though she is the same size has the absolute perfect body tall blond curvy thin. They don't realize how much it hurts when they talk about their bodies and then we get in front of a mirror together and i see my legs are twice as big as theirs. Then I realized how miserable it was making me. No one is the same. Be happy with what you have. Flaunt it. Because it's one of a kind, and though my friends may have physical features i find more pleasent. There are things about me that are better than theres. I'm sure you have assets that are great to focus on those it helps.
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female
reader, ihatemybody  +, writes (27 March 2009):
I'm fat.
You are not.
Please be happy that you're not fat like me. I'm a size 22.
Obviously, if you HAVE a boyfriend, he WANTS to see you naked. I'm really fat and have gotten naked for about 10-15 boys in my life time. And had sex with 6 of them.
Sooo yeah. you're beautiful. embrace that fact 3
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2008): seriously? i understand that maybe you're self-conscious about your weight and how you look, but that shouldn't deter you from being yourself. if you don't like yourself, no one will like you. you learn that as you get older. once you realize that you can be any kind of person you want to be, looks aside, i think you begin to realize that generally people just like other people. if you really want to seen a certain way you can't walk around acknowledging your fault and think that won't shine through. i think the best advice is screw everyone else and be happy. what more can you do? and darling, if you know a bunch of dudes that like girls as tiny and rail thin as kiera knightly, you're talking to the wrong guys. and by guys i mean boys. real men like curves and they like shapely figures. honestly, you can either do something about it and feel better all around or stop complaining.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2008): i know how you feel, i am 15 and i am like 190lbs and its not only unhealthy but it doesn't look so good either, when i see my friends who look way better or even my sister, i feel so ugly, just know that your not alone... it sucks you just dream about changing, and when your friends try and tell you that your beautiful it makes you feel worse... just try and be happy with yourself or you will be miserable for a long time. don't and as for guys, they suck, but there are some good guys out there that don't care and you'll find one... and don't worry about it i know a 25 year old beautiful women who hasn't ever had a boyfriend and she is perfectly fine with that. and my sister is really sexy and beautiful and her heart as been broken so many times and she is 18 i rather wait for someone who wont break my heart then settle
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2008): i know just how u feel.
I am worried that ppl will make fun of me.
Im not fat but i am chubby, lol
If anyone, even ur friends make fun of ur body then their not really ur friends.
I meen ppl who date sumone just cause of their body and looks r selfish.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2008): Yeah, try having a baby.. getting stretch marks all over your tummy and lose skin saggy boobies from breast feeding. Then tell me about hating your body. If you don't like it get off your lazy bum and do something about it. Maybe try a few sit ups? Oh and trust me honey the guy doesn't care about you're tummy he cares about other areas. You are to young to be thinking about taking your clothes off in front of a guy anyways. Finish high school and Go to college.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2008): People shouldn't really judge a book by its cover.Sure it's nice to see girls with nice body. But honestly, I think nice body is pointless if you can't win a guy's heart.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2008): i felt EXACTLY the same as you when i was 16 about the same size too...im still that size... im 19 now but ive been with my boyfriend since i was 16 and he loves my body. he is the reason im okay with my body now because of him. guys dont think women should look like stars...i used to think that too..but a lot of guys (at least all the guys ive dated) like girls with a booty and some curves they can hold on to. Guys like real women not annorexic ones that they have to be afraid to break lol. trust me...you will learn that really soon. dont be self concious...i spent a lot of time treating myself bad and you will look back and regret it. love yourself the way you are...youre probably exactly what a lot of guys want.
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female
reader, Auntie Mo +, writes (12 February 2008):
At the moment you are a young lady and your body is still growing you have plenty of time in your life to get your body looking the way you want it to, you should concentrate on your exams(if at school or college),or your career and what you want to do in your future. The famous people have lots of money to pay for surgery or personal trainers too
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2008): At the moment you are a young lady and your body is still growing you have plenty of time in your life to get your body looking the way you want it to, you should consentrate on your exams(if at school or college),or your career and wat you want to do in your future.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2008): First of all...you have PLENTY of time. You shouldn't LEGALLY be taking your cloths off in front of anyone until you're over 18...otherwise it's illegal...and possibly statutory rape. So, high school is a tough time, when everyone focuses on someone else to diminih their own flaws. Be true to yourself. You know your strengths, so focus on them. High schools is like purgatory before college -- get through high schools the best you can and then you will be rewarded in the end in college. Ask yourself what you want and then be true to that regardless of what people say. And I can prove this...I was a redhead who wore glasses and was in band and lots of other activities...things that might offer the orpportuniy to pcik on me. But I worked hard to maintain my goal of graduating and desire to make friends...even though I wan't perfectly skinny. I found that it's not your size...it's your confidence. So, once you find your confidence...be prepared for the rest of what I've shared with you. Confidence can take you ANYWHERE. It sounds cheesy but it's true. Recognize that ATTENTION does not equal love, committment, or truth. Belive that you are worhty of true love, respect and commitment...and you WILL get it. You HAVE to belive it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2008): i kno how u feel im 16 nd im 155lbs, ppl say i don't look it but i don't believe them. i take alli nd it kinda helps a lil bit but ur supossed to be 18 shhhh...but juss try to eat healthier and exercise more. i play soccer nd softball nd basketball and that's how i keep myself busy in a fun way. try somthing new like field hockey its fun, you make friends nd u get the right exercice you need
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2007): Honestly, you need to do what feels right to you. I've been unhappy with my body since about 8th grade, and guess what? I'm in college now and I still hate myself. I've always been a runner, so I run between 3-4 miles a day and I'm a size 2, but I still see that I'm fat, my stomache isn't flat and I have a horrible metabolism. At one point I was even contemplating suicide. DONT LET THIS HAPPEN TO YOU!!! If being thin really matters to you see a dietician or start a gym program. I'm now on an intense diet of only fruit as a last resort to lose weight, and if this doesn't work I'm going to see a trainer. Just do what you need to, and get your self confidence back!!! GOOD LUCK!! :D
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2007): hey i'm 16 and i'm a 12-14 and i HATE my body. i mean i could be a lot worse, and a few years ago i was a 16 which was terrible. unfortunately society treats people differently depending on their appearance :( i KNOW i'd be treated better if i were thinner. if i tell you not to stop eating all together i'd be a hypocrit because it's not like i've stopped doing that. it's addictive when you think it's working but once you start you can't stop even when you want to so i wouldn't reccomend doing it. nobody looks like the celebrities anyway.. and 12 is a good size! i'm almost there. i'd be happy if i could get to 10. my boyfriend loves how i look but i hate it and i want to change. i know how you feel and all i can say is hang in there okay?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2007): Hey,
I completely inderstand how you feel. I'm so insecure about myself too. It's not that I'm fat, I'm an 8 but it's because I have curves anywhere on me. My stomach is horrible, I want to have a nice flat toned stomach but it seems to be impossible to get one. I barely fit an 32A and have no hips. It especially hard when you have a twin sister who is stunning, has a gorgeous body with size 32D boobs. She is so lucky and makes me feel so ugly and small.
I really hope everything works out for you!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2007): I know how you feel, even though im a zero, being skinny isnt all its cracked up to be.
Because ive always been thin i have a constant pressure to stay that way, i hate looking at myself in mirrors, if i find any fat on my body i feel disgusting and wear loose clothes
All of this stress to be thin is taking away from who you really are, i know that when i walk through the halls i dont pick on everybody and their bodies, we are being wayyy to hard on ourselves and we really need to try to love ourselves and have a good personality and sense of humour.
Good luck :D
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2007): It's OK to be self-conscious about your body. If you wanna lose weight, get a trainer. I am overweight. I have been on diets, but I have only lost a few pounds. Just remember that guys like girls of who they are....not what they look like!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2007): sweetie, your 16, and lets face it your body is still very young. you won't be fully developed until around 20, relax and enjoy yourself, and if you are seeing the right guy then he'll find you more attractive than any other girl...seriously i think i'm disgusting, but my b/f really loves me. don't let it affect you so much, you'll never get over it, diets are so bad for young people, just eat healthily and excersize, you'll start to feel better.
ps guys DO NOT find keira knightly or any other uber skinny model/acress sexy, trust 12 is a very good size!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2007): hello....i had the same problem when i was your age. My stomach,butt,hips,and thighs were to much of a problem.....so i got myself involved in my school's sports like volleyball, basketball, and soccer. My hips,stomach,and thighs went away, but my butt was too big. so i started working out, doing things like squats to make my butt smaller. Now at age 21 i am happy to be a size 6 (or 8)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2007): its funny it doesn't matter your size or shape but you will feel exactly the same about the way you look...i have spent the last two years at the gym and have managed to lose some weight (i can't deny it it the best way to lose weight) but the fact is that i will never look like the girls in magazines...i thin that its more about realising that all the girls we aspire to actually don't look that great in real life as they are nothing but bones
Guys may say they like all the girls in magazines but when i go out on an evening, the gir; who lokks 'normal' always gets the mosrt attention - at the end of the day its not only difficult but also unhealthy to try to be like they are in the magazines
If you want to lose weight then eat healthy and work out, combine cardio with lifting weights as cardio is useless on its own. Also you have to do a full body work out as you can't pick and choose where to lose weight you need overall fitness, But trust me at the end you will feel better as well as look better...
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2007): Face the truth: you're fat, and boys dont like fat chicks. Now go exercise, diet, consistently, studying, seeing a doctor. With wisdom and perseverance. Become thin. Then boys will like you
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2007): u guys have very false impression of celebrities,beyonce, britney back when she was sane, angelina, lindsay lohan before she went ano appear thin but they arent stick thin. they weigh more than the average women, they are just falt in general but they are not stick thin, i bet they all have bigger arms than u, try it next time u see them on tv. as for keira, she is too thin, no lean muscle, its gross, but women liek britney spears are not thin, tey are in between and they are healthy and lush. but in general if you comapred your arms or legs to their's, urs wuld be smaller, they exercise so fat goes in the right places. stick thin is yukkk. just beacuse its in alot of mags doesnt mean it looks good.the fashion industry is run by gay men, so what u see in vogue is actually what a gay man would like.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2007): First of all, I want to say that I have issues with my body and looks, too-almost everybody does. I am very skinny with a flat stomach like you want. However, I am also very short-I am barely five foot. Every girl has a different kind of body, and guys struggle with body images as much as girls, so they are definately not into a girl just for her looks-at least no more so than girls are.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2007): dont worry you will be ok, those stars?? have money and lots of it ,so they can afford it, you are who you are as I am, i am 32 and I feel the same, but when you look at it, those men?? you are trying to impress, are just after your nana... real men like some fat, and the skinny women, they use them and put them away, I am big and married to a wonderfull man and he is one of those pretty boy type... you are who you are and dont let those skinny women tell you anything just blow on them they will fly away... God made you the way you are, be happy you could be one of those size 22 or 36 women 12 is a good size all the luck and love, ,,,,
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2007): Can I just say, it may sound cheesy, but just love yourself. Coming from the other end (I am tall an thin) I have been teased ALL my life for being skinny and tall with long legs, and a flat chest. Beauty on our society goes both ways. Either you're too skinny, or you're too fat. You can't please everybody, but you can please yourself. Stop worrying about how you compare to other people. Most of my guy friends tell me that body doesn't matter so much if the girl has confidence and a good personality. I mean what does that say about us girl's who value our bodies over our intelligence and personality? Do we do the same for boys? I don't think so, so then why do it for ourselves. It is not what you are it is who you are. Love yourself, or you'll just waste good time hating yourself.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2007): Hey girl, I know how you feel. I am 15 years old and I too have problems with the way I look. I know how hard it is to look around and see not only the beautiful women in Hollywood, but also the slender, perfect captain of your school's cheerleading squad. I too have felt that bitter pain in the locker room when it seems like every girl other than me has a model like body. And I am afraid that I can only offer a small tidbit of advice; smile, stand up straight, and speak in a loud, clear voice. If your body is not perfect right now, work on developing your charactor. Don't forget that everyone has issues with thier bodies at this point in life, and don't let boys dictate the way you feel about yourself. I honestly believe that if you develop a good, confident charactor, your body (and mine!!) will eventually catch up. :]
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2007): In response to all of the posts here, I can both relate and sympathize to body issues. I have been both called fat at a time when I was 20 pounds or so heavier than I am now, and I have also been too thin and believe me, neither of these exteremes equal happiness. Of course, it is good to have a healthy goal and you can actually eat quite well and still remain slim, especially with some activity. If it is safe for you to lose weight, then go for it, set a goal, but be patient with yourself and I am not trying to preach but God did make you beautiful (I know that sometimes it doesn't feel like it). There was a time when I wished that I could change certian things about my body and I have now come to love those things that I would have changed, so really I am glad that I am not the one in control of how I was created. And for those who mentioned not having a boyfriend, there is not anything wrong with you. I am 19 and I have never had a boyfriend either but I have learned that I don't need to search for the right person. What I need to do is work on developing myself and strenthening my relationship with God because I know that he has a plan for my life and if he has someone for me, then I know that he will not ket the opportunity pass by; he will bring that person into my life at the right time.
I know what it feels like to experience deep emotional pain but I find strength and joy in Christ. His word brings me reassurance and calm; I am also very exited abuot what he is doing in my life and he is all that I want to live for.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2007): im right there with you. i hate my body. esp my tummy, legs, and chest. my bf loves everything on me (supposedly) and tells me to be happy with my body because i am beautiful.
sure it doesnt help me feel better about my body, and honestly its annoying sometimes because when i seriously need him to understand my problems with my body, he insists i do not have any problems.
in the end having him compliment me is nice..
and as hard as it is with all of the pressures of society to be PERFECT, i am happy with myself and thankful i am healthy and in love.
i may hate my body..
but everyone does at some point.
sorry youre facing it too.
~ kimmie f.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2007): I know exactly how you feel you arent alone hon. All you can do is.... well....................I dont know. I dont even know what to do myself. :(
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2007): hello,
just wanted to say i would love to be in a size 12 at this point i use to be size 7! Men will love you no matter how sexy those famous girls our because they cant have them. You think you hate your body you should try being me for a day my stomach looks like it went through a meat grinder from pregnancy because of all the stretch marks!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2007): Not all men want Angelina Jolie or Keira Knightley.
There are diverse tastes out there.
Unfortunately, these diverse tastes are not reflected in popular culture/mainstream media.
I suggest you take a step back from this culture and deutach yourself from it. These actresses have nothing to do with your day to day life, or your self worth, or your attractiveness, etc. They are not, and should not be, models of perfection, or the golden standard by which all women are measured.
Men do not yearn for this look in a mate. Boys do. If you are dating a boy who cannot think of anything but poorly acted porn scripts and Maxim models when he is considering what he wants in a sexual partner, then you are dating someone who is unworthy of your time. He is immature and is not yet altogether in touch with reality. Many teenage boys grow out of the bikini-model phase and come to establish their own tastes, separate from what western culture portrays as sexy/attractive. They expand their horizons and come to find that a perfectly flat stomach isn't all it is cracked up to be, and that there are millions of gorgeous women who do not look like Angeline/Keira and all the others.
These are the men who are worth dating, and worth marrying. Do not change yourself to look like the famous women because ultimately, they are a part from you and living in a hyper-reality that has nothing to do with normal life for normal people. They have money, time, and professional help. They do whatever they have to do to look that way, be it plastic surgery, weird diets, obsessive exercise, drugs, cigarettes etc etc. It's not worth it for those of us who live in "this" reality.
Your boyfriend is attracted to you, or he wouldn't be your boyfriend.
The trouble with many males is that it takes them a while to detach themselves from the standards of 'perfection' that are governed by mass media. It's troubling and hurtful for many girls and women who just don't look like that women men are taught to crave. Don't surround yourself with these types of men- trust me, there are many out there who really just aren't interested in that sort of 'perfection' and are much more interested in the perfection of imperfect individuals like yourself.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2007): I am 19... I have hated my body since I was a kid... As I get older it only gets worse... I am around a size 12. I feel grotesquely fat. Ironically, I have lost about 25 pounds in the last 9 months or so, and the more weight I lose the more depressed and unattractive I feel. My boyfriend tells me I am perfect, he loves my body and he IS very sexually attracted to me ("that" part of him doesn't lie).
But whenever I see those girls on TV/movies/magazines (etc) I feel disgusting. I just want to look like that. Exactly like that. I don't even have the body type to possibly ever look like that... I have wide hips... I'm just not that "type"... I think it's truly sad that there is really only one image of what women are supposed to look like being put out there. I hate that the ones who look like "me" in the media are always cast as the ugly/outcast/undesirable girls. Girls like me are never portrayed as attractive or sexy or whatnot.
And even in "reality", I see girls that are much thinner than me, or girls with nicer chests or better legs, and all I can think is, "why is my boyfriend with me? he could be with someone who looks like THAT"...
He tells me that I am his type. Girls that look like ME. His past girlfriends have been more "shapely" and bottom-heavy, just as I am. His last girlfriend, before me, weighed about 200 pounds... So clearly he does not value skinniness... It is just not something he wants. He is an ass-man, I guess. He likes some more meat.
We've been together for 3.5 years and our sex life is great, he is still aroused by the sight of me walking past him in a thong (even if my tummy is not perfectly flat, and even if I have cellulite on my thighs). I drive him crazy, and sometimes we have to postpone plans just so he can act out his animalistic impulses.
I have no idea why this is so, WHY he likes me instead of those thinner girls...
All that matters is he does and if HE does, then so do other guys...
So.. I try to reassure myself with these things... maybe they are of some help to you as well.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2007): hmmmm....i know what u mean...i'm a size 9... not fat but not skinny like i would like to lookall of my boyfriends have been gorgeous so i always feel like crap standing next to them because i hate how i look.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2007): Sweety, I am 23 and I have gone through SO many body issues but here is a few home truths:
1. If you are a size 12, congratulations, that means you are a healthy NORMAL size.
2. Movie stars like Angelina Jolie spend hours a day exercising, eating NOTHING, and agonising over their looks probably more than we do.
3. All their photo's are hardcore airbrushed ANYWAY.
4. If your boyfriend cares about you, he will find you sexy no matter what.
So stop worrying. You have nothing to worry about!
Jess
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2007): First of all, the body size that you are talking about is NOT what men want. 95% of men want a woman with curves and some softness. We don't like bags of bones. If you're getting your information from Cosmo or something, well heads up, those mags are published, written and edited by WOMEN and almost never give a man's real opinion. To us, those model-types are "disposable" women. But for a lasting relationship, we want a REAL woman. Also a little self-estem goes a long way too. If you don't like yourself, chances are you're repelling others as well. The love of my life is a size 14. Wouldn't change a thing on her.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2007): dont ever feel ashamed of your body. im 17 and only 95 pounds. i have small breast and i hate it. i cry all the time about my body. But i would kill to be a little more fuller. please love your body. im sure your a babe. and if your boyfriend really loves you. then he will love to see you with no clothes. love yourself. xxx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2007): I loathe my body. I feel so uncomfortable with my weight at this point in my life. I'm noticing that some girls feel as strongly as I do about this but others seem to float along in life, gliding on their self confidence and perfect bodies. at age 15, size 5, I have never had a boyfriend which leads me to believe that something must be wrong with me, either physically or personality wise. I know people respond to these kinds of things with: "you should love your body!" and "accept you for you!" and I'm all for the confidence boosters, but if anyone has actual suggestions on how to lose weight, please let us all know.
thanks.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2007): When I was in my teens I went through exactly the same fears and insecurities. I think everyone, both male and female, do go through that really self conscious, self-loathing stage. I became anorexic, bullemic and started taking handfuls of laxatives very day. I still, at 21, sometimes feel anxious about my weight and worried about what my bloke will think of me naked. Truth is though, men, especially 16 year old men, wouldn't notice if you have luminous orange nipples and scales at that point. If they manage to reach the stage where a bit of cellulite or the odd stretch mark is visible, they will be thinking with an entirely separate organ from their brain. Also, im sure your bf is equally as insecure - he probably worries about his stamina, or size or lack of muscle.
The issue is not what your bf will think. The issue is you and how you feel about yourself. The sexiest lover is the one who is able to not take themselves too seriously and isn't hindered by insecurities. Dont expect to be body confident at 16 - it just isnt gonna happen. Accept right now that you will never look like Kate Moss and just say, who gives a toss?
The single most attractive feature in anyone is confidence and happiness. Not some half-starved snotty cow with a face like a slapped arse because all she wants is a snickers.
Do stuff that makes you happy, surround yourself with friends and dance around in the buff!
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2007): i am also 16, i do have a boyfriend n he is absoloutly gorgus! i think im really fat, i no im not as fat as some poeple, im a size 10-12 and look fine in clothes, but my stomach and underneath my bottom hav a great deal of cellulite, at first i was really scared incase my bf finishd me becos of it, but he tells me he loves my body! but he hasnt acualy seen me stood up naked, just lied down. if u feel like i do (unhappy) u really gota do sumet about it ootherwise u will always be unhappy! im ment to be going on holiday with my boyfriend in about 2months so im starting the gym and totally cutting down on food, not so long ago i did loose 1 and a half stone by just cutting down food n ino i can do it again! u just hav t think, if u really want this then do it to make ur self happy but please dont go to far over board n dont do anythings stupid!! xxxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2007): Hey! I just felt i had to reply to your letter as i wanted to reassure you that you are not alone! Also i know exaclty what you are going through and want to share my story with you to prevent you from going down the road i did. I'm also 16 and have just had the worst year of my life and the awful thing is all my issues are far from over. I used to be a little uncomfortable with the way i looked and so decided to try and lose some weight. This however set off all my problems. Losing weight is very adictive and it's hard to stop. I found that i could look in the mirror and actually like what i saw but it didn't last. I am a perfectionist and like you am hugely effected by the media and so i lost more and more weight until i became quite ill. I was cold all the time, had a runny nose, became very depressed and a recluse. I spent hours on the exercise bike instead of going out with my friends and became obsessed with what i ate - to tp it all off my periods stopped. My mum, being a nurse took me to te doctor who then reffered my to gynacologist who told me i HAD to put on some weight. I went away heart broken but decided to try and put a little bit on. This seemed a sensible descision and the only way forward but sadly what followed were TWO nasty eating disorders which are still with me today. Because i'd deprived myself so much of the food i loved when i found that i could eat them again i couldn't stop - i'm so ashamed to admit this but i couldn't stop i just ate and ate until it turned into what my therapist calls a 'Binge' from then on i developed 'Binge Eatig disorder' which of course did put the necessary weight on but to my dismay i put too much on so begn obsessively exercising again. At one point i spent an exhausting 3 hrs on the exercise bike! In addition i was so distraught at the amount i ate i began throwing up when i didn't have the energy to excerise for hours! So, i'm back to the weight and size i was before i lost weight and now have two eating disorders and an addiction to excerise - looking back i wish i'd just accepted the way i was and embraced what God had given me!
Sorry for the really long winded reply but my final message to you is please read these lyrics - hopefully thy will help you realise you are perfect the wy you are even though you may not realise it now. Look how many people have responded to you letter - it shows there are loadsof people out there who do care about you!
Anyway here are the lyrics - The song's called 'heaven rejoices'
'I know that you have waited, so so faithfully
I know that it's been painful but i want you to know
You are so pure, so precious, so lovely
You have been crowned with immesurable beauty
and heaven rejoices the moment you rise each day.
So i sing over you a song of joy
i'll let the sun shine on your face
i'll breathe new life
I'll heal your wounds
Do you know i love you?
Do you know i love you?
There is more if you want it? Email me at [email address blocked]
Love Katie
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2007): heya
Dont worry about your body your not fat and you know that, your just need a confidence boost. try going shopping with friends and get some new clothes then youll relise your not fat you just dont have the confidence.
Try wearing something slim fitting and see how you feel. You really shouldnt put yourself down because of skinny celebs they probally sit their desperaate for a burger or ice cream lol.
Dont worry its okay and your not fat you know that your just thinking of liking like a celeb who probally want to look like you.
Trying to help
xxxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2007): Please try and see yourself for the beautiful person that you are.Eveyone sees themselves differently to how other people see them.You may have things that others dont have ie a stunning smile or gorgeous eyes.These so called celebrities are false and self obsessed.Just try and be confident and soon you will start to feel it.And believe me every teenage girl worries about their body no matter what size...xxxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2007): Does your boyfriend want you?
If yes,any other man in his place would also want you.
By giving prettier girls like yourself [being a 16 yr girl in itself makes you a subject of desire]; a bad body-image and promoting low self esteem ,other pretty ugly girls get ahead in the dating rat race...but not in life.
Be ambitious.Be Yourself.Stay hungry.Stay Foolish.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2007): I;m 16 in 2 months. I've never had a boyfriend and no boy has ever shown an interest in me. I've come to the conclusion this is because i am unattractive, even though everyone else tells me I'm really pretty etc. I dont believe them. I'm a size twelve and went on a diet 4 weeks ago. So far, I've lost 10lbs and plan to lose a lot more. tip for pe - wear a skirt and put shorts/trousers on underneath skirt then take skirt off, and wear a top underneath your school top so when you take it off you have another top on underneath. This is what I do and no one ever sees anything I dont want them to. I know my current state of mind is a result of low self-esteem and paranoia, but the only thing i think i can do to get out of it is to diet, so thats what I'm doing. I hope you feel better about yourself xxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2007): My name is Cheyenne and I'm 18 years old. I'm about to start going to school to be a psychologist so maybe I can help you.First off, you don't need to worry about what everyone else will think. You are making yourself become more and more paranoid because you think people won't like you because of your body. You need to learn how to love your body the way it is, if you don't nobdy else will. I'm sure there is somebody out there that can look past your body and see you. Everybody is unique and made differently! Accept yourself as you...
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2007): Hey it's your bosy and nobody else's so who cares what other people think...you will find someone who loves you for who you are and not what you look like...I promise you that...I used to think the same way and now I have the most beautiful woman in the world in my life...we are getting married in June of this year.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2007): i know exactly how you feel im a size 5 and i want to be skinny.
i hate my body i want to skinny now
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2006): I know exactly what you mean i was fine until I hit 16 now i'm 17 and all i can think about is my body the whole time. I don't have weight problem its just my body and thats almost worse because theres nothing i can do about it.; I really wish i was taller i always thought i would grow because my parents aren't short but i never did. I also hate my boobs. I have no idea where they came from they are huge, i get so self conscious about them. And finally i hate my legs they're muscly and so i hate wearing skirts. The worse thing is that my sister has the perfect body. She's got pole legs so she can wear mini skirts and her boobs look proportional to her height. I can't really give you any advice before i stupidly obsess over my body too. I really hope i can snap out of it because its actually takes up a lot of time. I hope you learn to accept yourself too.
And hey if its a stimach problem it might help to do some sits ups or something
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2006): You can't let yourself hate yourself like this. I'm sixteen too and struggling with my weight and body as well. I reccently lost thirty some odd pounds and gained about seven pounds back from serious binge eating. Because I go to boarding school, I was able to develop seriously disordered eating behaviors-- I would binge eat and then fast for as long as three days.
But here's the bottom line: I like myself now. And the thing about losing weight is that you can't really do it effectively until you accept yourself. Because if you're so crazed with self-hatred, then you'll do anything you can to rid your body its perceived flaws. And then you'll gain it all back, because fast methods do not work. To lose weight, you need to recognize that you are beautiful no matter what you weigh and then work from there. It has to be very, very slow to work. I'm in the middle of this too, and I wish you the best, because the odds are stacked against us.
PS: I really appreciate the advice the guys are giving here. It's really encouraging and I feel better already.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2006): I say, 5-1 at 120 pounds is good. It's meaty and healthy. Maybe a bit - a wee bit heavier for 5-1, but still very edible. I mean you know? Ah you're 17, so I should have said instead, "but still very nice". [laughs]
You know, each person has their desires to look like something, either that be through their own wishes or through the influences of others. I will tell you though, depending on your height and bone structure, if you are considered overweight obesity, then it's not really that healthy for you, just as women who are too skinny aren't healthy for them.
Personally, a girl between 5 to 5-6 weighing anywhere between 100 to 150 is good. Plus sexual attraction to me, isn't all about physical attire. Hence my other comment on this other thread:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-think-my-gf-is-pretty-but-im.html
For all those Anon females and males out there who are obsessed with your weight - try not to be. A good exercise program, smaller meals spread out to 4 to 5 meals per day, and watching calories is all fine and dandy, but having a healthy mentality is also equally, if not, more important than having a solely 'healthy' body.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2006): I know how you feel. I am obsessed with my weight. I am 17, 5"1 120 lbs and run between a size 3-4. However, even though I wear small sizes and don't weigh too much for some reason i still think i'm fat. I have a big hispanic butt and thighs...but my breasts are small so i feel bottom heavy. everyone says i'm crazy but i can't help it. my bf loves my body but i don't believe him. He used to say I was normal but that made me cry because I don't want to be normal. I want to be thin. I can't get out of this depression. i hate my body. I dont' know why I can't like myself. I was very fat when I was young. I guess I still have it in my head that I am big and unattractive. I would give almost anything to like my body.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2006): You're 16.. of course you're not going to look like Angelina Jolie or Keira Knightley!
Apart from any weight difference, your body shape won't be the same, simply because you're not as old as them yet.
Most women settle into their bodies and find their natural weight between the ages of 25-28.
I was a size 12+ until I hit 25, then gradually went down to a small size 10, which I've been for 4 years now.
You're not an adult yet, so you're certainly not going to have an adult woman's body..
please try to stop worrying.. the best is yet to some :-)
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2006): Hey, I know exactly what you mean when you say you hate your body. But seriously, you have nothing to be worried about. Your boyfriend obviously likes something about you and your body, otherwise he wouldn't be with you! I'm 5'2'', and 210 pounds - now that's fat! The truth is that everyone's different (yeah yeah, cliche!), and it's always been said that no women are happy with their bodies. OK, I'll stop with all the generalisations now, but seriously, don't worry. Chances are your boyfriend won't even notice. Ever heard the saying that men like something to hold on to? It's true. Size 12 is perfect.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2006): Dear:embarrised of body
I am 14 and I suffer from the same thing I think that I am incredibly fat.But all of my friends say that Im crazy somedays I wake up and say why me? I do not diserve to be this fat...but everyone one says that Im imagineing this but sometimes I think who would ever love or like a Girl like me..
From:incredibly self concious
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2006): you dont have to look like the famous people, just as long as your happy. and i know how you feel. i hate my body too.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2006): Hey i know exactly how you feel... I am 15 5'5" and wiegh 150lbs (alot of 5's)haha
well, I hate my body and have always wanted to be super skinny, but it hasn't happened yet, I eat pretty good but when I excersize I feel so much better about myself. Also last year I did 2 sports and lost 10lbs, I gained it back when I stopped.
So I started doing sports again... All my freinds say I am not fat, that I am just made of muscle (which is true) but I am still really uncomfterble with my body, and HATE wearing a bathing suit. Someday I hope I am comfterble with my body, because I am working on it
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2006): Hey!
I know exactly how you feel. I too hate my body, and am completely disgusted with it. I can barely stand to look at myself in the mirror, and am embarassed to take my slothes off in front of my boyfriend. However, i haev developed a serious problem from hating my body for so long. I am now seeing a psychiatrist for bulimia, which is not something I look forward to. So the advice I wanna give you, is try to accept the way you look, and don't become so obsessed that it turns into a serious problem.
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reader, tashaxh +, writes (5 September 2006):
 am 15 and i hate my body coz i am just fat n i am scared to go and see my boyfriend incase he hates the way i am too
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2006): hey my name is Abby! I know exactly how you feel! I think that I am fat and every one says that I am not! I can't be confident around boys because I think that they will hate me because I am fat! I wish i was like mischa barton or keira knightly! you are not alone and even though i am a size 10 i still feel huge!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2006): doll, don't hate your body just because you don't look like a famous sexy woman! All women get hung up about the way they look at some point or another and for some it can mean years of torment but i bet that even sexy women feel ugly at some point.
I am slim with with big boobs and i still get worried that i don't look good enough. You just have to remind yourself that its just vanity talking, everyones bodies are different and we just have to be proud of our own. lifes to short so enjoy yourself and stop worrying about your body image! your boyfriend likes you for you but you don't have to show him your body until you good and ready.
hope this helps.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2006): Hi Im 20 yrs old and was just like you when I was 16
It takes time to accept your body natural shape, I always wanted to be skinney, however realised I never will be, Im curvy girl though not big for my short hight. And my boyfriend adors my figure, he loves me for me not what I offer physcally.
I am size 8-10, but just 5ft tall and no longer growing, when your age, just wait till your 19 and still your body shape natually changes- trust me, your hips widen, your bones dont set till 20 and you have baby fat - I still do.
As long as your not unhealthy fat like 15 stones, who cares.
If you want to tone up more go for it. But i strongly recommend you dont diet at such a growing age.
I hope you find this usefull and in time you can see where I coming from, for know you just have to take my word for it.
Because at 16 i did not listen to this advise, crash dieted, got obsessive about my figure, changed in the toliet.
Became bulmic, damage my insides over the years and had serise problems showing any part of my body.
You think you'll never get that bad,but at 16 I was doing the same thing you where.
Accept your body, be happy, tone it up, excersie - not at gym waste of time, do a sport you enjoy. and salsa dancing.
An trust me when you find the right guy, the way he makes you feel soconfident about your self, you wouldnt care if you were not a super model figure.
And trust me skinney girls dont look good in all clothes, dress to your figure and natrual shape
Dont dress to fit in a silly size thats not ment to be.
Good Luck and I hope you find the courage you need to beleive being size 12 if perfectly fine as I understand how hard it is.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2006): [clears my throat] Damn air pollution!
I find women like Erica Campbell, Francine Dee, Catherine Bell really gorgeous. They are definitely up there in terms of being some of the sexiest women on Earth. The majority of males out there will view them in a very sexual way, even admiring solely the way they handle themselves, take care of themselves, etc, etc, etc. Of course, I admit that as well.
HOWEVER, I have dated girls that don't look ANYTHING like that. My gosh, one of my past girlfriends a few years ago was extremely shy with her body. She was thin and short, mmm, something like 5 feet, 3 inches and weighed something like 105 pounds or less. Now, this has nothing to do with her weight as you can see, BUT she felt so uncomfortable about her size because she thought she was too thin and too pale. Yes, I prefer my women with some meat on their bodies, and some colour would be excellent, but you know what? I loved her not because of what she looked like - not wholely, but more so because of her entire self - mentality, emotions, expressions, interests, reactions, personality, physique - everything.
I know you're still 'young' and I shouldn't say this but I will to get my point across. When I made love to her, I made love to everything about her. Yeah, her eyes and the silky smoothness of her skin turned me on of course, but that was the minor part of the whole experience.
Just like my recent ex, she was 5ft 4in, and weighed about 122 pounds. She wasn't happy with her size, but damn it, I found her to be very sexy. OR one of my female friends, though I am not attracted to her at all (because of her religion and mentality), I do find her physique to be alright. She's quite cute. She is definitely bigger than most girls that I've become friends with. I bet if she wasn't as hardcore in her religion, I would probably go after her. 8]
Like most of the aunts here (and uncles?) have already mentioned, what boys/guys/men like physically about girls/women is unique to the individual. Yes, there will ALWAYS BE GORGEOUS actresses and porn stars and singers, etc, but just because they are very beautiful, doesn't mean that you aren't as well.
Last thing, my friend umm, let's give him a name... Tabby, yes... My friend Tabby thinks erm, I can't use her real name, but her name say Bubbles... My friend Tabby thinks Bubbles is VERY VERY VERY beautiful. He was telling me about her so often too. When he finally showed me a picture of her, I was like, "[cough] Ah, Bubbles? [nods] That's umm, great that you find her attractive."
You see, it's different with different people.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2006): just dont give in 2 society!!!!!! who cares wtf they think anywayz???? just luv urself 4 who u r
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2006): i understand im 18 and i dont look like angelina jolie or any other famous bitches, the media presses us to be annorexic looking hey dont feel bad the only person that asked me to prom was my handicapped friend nathan. and its about 7 days until prom canYOU IMAGINE HOW I FEEL oh and the guy that i asked said he dosent want to go because the little bitch's mom said she cant go. so now hes all sad now im sad cuz i LIKED {PAST TENSE} him now im going gay fuck all guys i cant deal with this shit no more, not looking right feeling not comfterable around them alwayz worrieng about your apperance MY MESSAGE FUCK ALL GUYS THEY ALL SUCK ASS!!!!! OH AND COULD CARE LESS IF YOU PAY ATTENTION TO THEM
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2005): that young lady that commented has the right idea. i am impressed that she has such a strong mind to be so young. All i can tell you is that I am 24 years old and things do not get any easier.The media is always going to be putting out unrealistic pictures of what women are supposed to look like and You will always feel bad about certain parts of your body and wish there were things you could change, but focus on the things you like to compensate for the things you dont. such as my breasts arent as big as id like them to be but man i got great legs and teeth. that helps me a lot when im feeling down ( and thats a lot cause I just had a baby, now imagine what that does to your body.)I bet you look great and besides in case you didnt know all these women in the magizines and especially in playboy (the perfect, sexy women men google at all day) they have their pictures taken then all their flaws are airbrushed away. they dont really look that good. besides we would all look georgous if we had a professional hair stylist and make-up artist waiting for us when we got up each morning. anyways you are not the only one who feels this way so keep you chin up and remember that you are real. society is a bummer and they confuse young girls. i know it did me and im sure its even worse now for you guys but think about this. in the 1950's the ideal woman was 5'4 and 140 lbs today its considered 5'10 and 110 lbs. now how realistic is that? how many people do you know that are 5'10? or even 110 lbs for that matter. love your self for who you are and shine from the inside and then i believe that you will grow to love your body. I am relearning to love myself again and its not easy but nothing worth doing ever is.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2005): You know what, I'm 16, I'm as thin as Keira Knightly, and I have a flat stomach, but whenever those jerky perv guys come along who only care about my looks, I turn them down, and I'm sure Keria Knightly does to. Cause really, who needs those guys? So you shouldn't worry about these things, cause really, you shouldn't want a guy who only cares about how flat your stomach is, or how big your breasts are. you should want a guy who likes you for who you are. And plus, if you were able to see keira Knightly wakeing up in the morning without makeup, you wouldn't think she was so pretty anymore. And I'm not talking about those pics of celeb's walking down the streets sopposedly not wearing makeup, cause you can tell they are, plus, what kind of celeb goes around walking in the streets withoput makeup knowing that paperazzi will see her..anyways I'm rambling, my point is, there is a guy out there for you who will find you absoloutly beautiful! And you know when men say how hot a girl celeb is, just laugh, cause they really don't know what they look like with all that make up gone...seriously lol..And sorry about my spelling, I suck in that category.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2005): I am size 12 as well and very average looking. My partner is an absolute babe. 6 foot 5 inches tall, very tanned, a very handsome/cute face with big blue eyes and a smile that could charm any girl. Not to mention he has a hot/model like body. But he loves every inch of me and finds me beautiful and sexy. My point is, not every guy goes with Angelina type of girls (I am far from that). I would say that my man is way hotter than any Hollywood guy I have seen, yet he finds someone average like me absolutely sexy. But also remember that a confident personality is very sexy as well. Not all guys just go for a pretty face and a hot body. A personality is important too. A fantastic personality can make a girl more attractive. Be happy with what you have and show it!!
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reader, HappyTimeHarry +, writes (27 August 2005):
The thing I always point out whenever a girl thinks she's too big is this: just because celebrities like Brad Pitt only hook up with the Angelina Jolie type doesn't make it universal. Don't think if you don't look like Keira Knightly you can't get the type of man you want... you can. There's a world outside of Hollywood, where you and I and the human race live.
I'll give you that a lot of good looking guys go for the flat stomach body style you speak of, but not all good looking guys. The only way to explain why a lot of guys dig voluptuous, curvy women (including myself)is crude, but I feel a need to impart it. Just say we like more T&A than an anorexic model is packing. Size 12 is actually very sexy to a lot of men, and I bet you'd find some of these men you'd like. Isn't the point of looking good being desired by good looking people? I know if you fix your attitude you'll find a nice and sexy guy who craves your body. Let me close with this. Holding a size 1 chick is like touching an 11 year-old boy :D
"All that you need is in your soul" Lynyrd Skynyrd
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2005): Sadly, the media sends powerful messages to girls and women about the acceptability (or unacceptability) of their bodies. It might surprise you to know the majority of girls/women do not match up to the models and actresses,in the media. The average women is 5'4" and weighs 142 pounds! And very importantly, remember many of the images presented in the media have been computer enhanced and airbrushed. The models' hips, their waists have often been slimmed, their breasts enlarged through computer photo manipulation.
Your body image is central to how you feel about yourself.
Sweety, don't do this to yourself. Learn to love yourself and befriend your body. It's so important to combat your negative body image because it can lead you to depression, shyness & debilitating self-consciousness. Negative body self image can also lead to an eating disorders. (anorexia, bulimia, etc) Be strong..get proactive and start to seriously recognize you do not have to compare yourself to the women in the media. You are beautiful for just who you are! Come to the realization that your self-worth does not depend on how closely you fit those computer enhanced images.
Affirm daily-that your body is perfect just the way it is.
Walk with your head high with pride and confidence in yourself as a person, not a size. Create a list of people you admire who have contributed to your life, your community, or the world. Was their appearance important to their success and accomplishments. Don't let your size keep you from doing things you enjoy. Replace the time you spend criticizing your appearance with more positive, satisfying pursuits. Let your inner beauty and individuality shine. Think back to a time in your life when you liked and enjoyed your body. Get in touch with those feelings now. Be your body's ally and advocate, not its enemy. Beauty is not just skin-deep. It is a reflection of your whole self. Love and enjoy the person inside. Self-love begins inside and works it way out. And when you are happy with just being you, hun...you will glow and others will take note of that about you. Take care and I hope this has helped you.
Hugs and Smiles,
Irish
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