A
male
age
41-50,
*pete-
writes:Hi, I'm in my mid twenties and really struggling to make any friends and I'm yet to have a girlfriend!The problem is I can be quite shy around new people until I get used to them. I used to have loads of friends at school so never had to make any new friends. But in the later years at school pretty much all my friends turned on me - they still let me hang around and play football at lunchtimes, but they made fun of me/spread lies about me and organised nights out behind my back and I was never invited. It took me quite a while to realise this and really affected my confidence.I then went to college and university and struggled to make friends - everyone just seemed more "adult" in their conversations than I did - there was the odd person to chat to but that was it. I was even verbally bullied at University!I'm now in full time work and have been at the same job for a good few years now. I'm fairly relaxed in chatting to most people now but once again struggle to make any friends. Yet everyone else seems to join the company and fit straight in! It feels very frustrating when I see the people in my department chatting with others and I get left out. Other times it hits me is when they all go out for lunch (separately) and I'm left sitting on my own.I can have quite a menacing look to my face when relaxed (best way to put it!) which I'm guessing does scare off a few people from talking to me. But I can't see what I can do about that.I do sometimes go out for drinks at the end of the week but only if I'm asked by people in my department (usually at the last minute too!) It would be quite hard to go on my own as most of the others who go out are from a different office and I'm lucky if I know their names! They can talk quite a bit about relationships but sure enough they never ask me! Which is another thing that annoys me, I've never had a proper Friday night out - chances are I'm back home by 10pm! Usually the people I go with leave early to meet up with their mates and not really knowing anyone else there (and them not talking to me) I also leave.So I can't see how I'm ever really going to make friends like this? I've tried thinking of taking up some hobbies but I'm really struggling to think of any!Any advice on how I can get out of this cycle?Thanks, there are bits I've missed out but it was getting a bit long winded!
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bullied, confidence, shy, university Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, DJ8433  +, writes (22 August 2007):
 Look, I don't know you, but from your own description it sounds like you are socially ignorant. Please don't take that as condescending, take the word ignorance for it's true meaning. You would not be the first person to struggle socially. I assume you were isolated or isolated yourself somewhat socially in your younger years. Have you seen a counselor or life coach. You will need some real work with a counselor to get you to where I think you are saying you would like to be socially. You need to work with someone that is going to see your personality and help you to channel your individuality into "normal" social situations. You can email me privately if there are things you want to discuss but keep private.
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