A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Although I've answered many questions on this site I now have one of my own. I'm 56 and I went out with a man 7 years ago for just 5 weeks until his ex partner intervened and claimed him back! It hurt me very deeply at the time. He has now asked me out again but expects to keep me on 'hold' until he completes a building project and gets over his latest relationship!! (He's not a womaniser and has had very few relatioships). He says he doesn't want to hurt me again. We dance together every week (ballroom), have been for a walk and had one meal out! Nothing more than that! I can't handle it and I've told him so. He's a really nice man but he's doing my head in. In many ways he's worth waiting for but I would liken him to a tortoise!! In the meantime other men have stopped asking me to dance and I'm beginning to feel alienated and left to spend my weekends alone. Answers please from the more mature ones out there.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi, I posted this question and for those that are interested I'll just tell you what happened. We continued to dance together every week and had a another day out and a meal but never anything more than that. We had a heart to heart because I was confused with his actions. No conclusions were really drawn from it. A week later I found out he'd gone on holiday, which he'd never mentioned to me. I asked him where he went and with whom - "Las Vegas" (we live in Gt Britain) "with my ex" he said!!!!! WELL - what can I say! The following week I found out he'd never ever split up from his ex!!! He's just a liar, a cheat and he's deceived me all this time! I'm furious but at least glad I didn't become romatically involved with him!! How sneaky is that! I feel sorry for the so called ex.
A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (26 April 2009):
 The project finishes in 2 weeks so that's good. In the meantime continue going to the dancing but dance with other men too and let him see that you are open and friendly with more people than just him.
If he doesn't want to hurt you again then HE knows what to do... and if he doesn't know then YOU TELL HIM! He needs to commit more to you, reassure you that he wants to be with you and only you and that he's got all past relationships out of his system.
I know you could fall for this guy hook line and sinker (if you haven't already) but hold your emotions back just a little bit and continue to have fun with other friends. If he sees you dancing with other guys he might not like it and it could be the wake up call that he needs, it will let him see that if he doesn't get his act together then he's going to lose you to someone else.
~Eve~
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your very useful responses.To answer Eves questions:The building project finishes in a couple of weeks, the other men don't ask me to dance because I tend to dance with him all night(perhaps silly,but I'm drawn to him and enjoy his company),and he hurt me a long time ago by going back to his ex at the drop of a hat.I have to add I knew him quite well before I went out with him and I knew his ex. She was a complete fruitcake!I think perhaps he wants to be sure he's got over his more recent relationship to avoid a repeat. You're all correct that I shouldn't wait. I recently met a man via internet and really liked him (amazingly for internet) but his ex has now been in contact with him as well! Seems I'm fated to meet men that other women want to grab back!
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (26 April 2009):
I think it's the situation that's doing your head in and not him personally and I'm sure when you both spend time together things are great and I think he just needs a "prod" from you to kick him into gear. Did he tell you that when this building project is finished THEN you can both be together or that he'd be able to spend more quality time with you? Did he say how long this building project would take until it's finalised? Why have these other men stopped asking you to dance? Did you tell them you're seeing someone else???
And why did he say he doesn't want to hurt you again... in what context was this said? That he doesn't want to keep you dangling... or what???
~Eve~
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A
female
reader, mint +, writes (26 April 2009):
 you should live your life to its fullest potential
dont wait for no-one make yourself available
you'll never know you might find someone even better
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