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age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: We all fall in love. It happens . . . and when it happens there is nothing we can do about it. It's a sensation we cannot control. But what if you fall in love with somebody you're not allowed to fall in love with? What if you were secretly in love with this person for three years and the only thing that made your day brighter was to see their smiling face? What if this person you were in love with was married with three children? Is it morally wrong to confess your emotions to them if they are committed to another? Now tell me how you would feel if you discovered that this person's spouse had died after your three years of acquaintanceship? It would make you think that you stood a chance with them, right? Wrong! I'll tell you how you would feel. You would feel sorry for them. You would want to comfort them and let them know that they are not alone. You would wait for the right moment in which to express your feelings. To tell them how much you have longed for their touch and to let them know that you want to be there for them during their time of grief. What happens though if you wait too long and one morning you wake up to discover them gone? Vanished? Just left town and you never got the chance to tell them how you felt? You would feel crushed. Now tell me what you would do if, later, you realized why they left? What if they left because their spouse committed suicide? A good reason to want to skip town, right? Wrong again. What if, after ten years of marriage, you find out that their spouse committed suicide because "she" got a phone call one day from a complete stranger claiming that, "Your husband got me pregnant!"?This happened to me. I'm a 20 year old female who fell head over heals in love with our maintenance supervisor when my mother and I moved into our new apartment. I was 17 at the time and he was 35, married with a son. The minute I laid eyes upon him, I knew there was no denying the way I felt. But I also knew I couldn't say anything because he was married. I did become good friends with him though, and continued to fall more and more in love with every time we spoke. He ended up adopting a child when I turned 18. Then when I turned 19 his wife became pregnant. He seemed very happy with her and so I was forced to keep my feelings inside because I did not want to be a home wrecker. Little did I know, there was already one in play. His wife was no longer a problem in the equation after she blew her brains out in her own bathroom at the complex. She was provoked one morning to take her own life after she got a phone call from a lady who explained to her how she had been having an affair with her husband and that he had gotten her pregnant. She lost it. She took her husband's gun, called him on his cell phone and told him she was about to end her life. He rushed to their complex to stop her and found the woman in the upstairs bathroom with the gun to her head. She pulled the trigger as soon as his face appeared in the doorway because she wanted him to see it, and he did. That day left three children without a Mom, a mother and father without a daughter, a sister without a sibling, a congregation without one of its church members, and an evil world with one less pure person.I noticed a change in him immediately. He was distant and he wasn't himself anymore. I wanted to talk to him but he wouldn't talk to me. He wouldn't talk to anybody. That's when I was told that his wife had died. I was told it was from cancer and I felt so sorry for him although, since she was out of the picture, I felt it was all right for me to tell the man how I felt about him now. I was waiting for the right time and decided after three months that that time had finally come. I sat down to write him a letter and was prepared to give it to him the next day, but he was gone. He had quit his job and had moved out of state. I was heartbroken but imagine my dismay once I found out why he had to leave. The event was so horrendous for me that it provided me with enough fuel to write a book about the situation. A book that tells the tale of the horrible set of circumstances circulating his poor wife's death. I was brought into a heart wrenching mess due to this man's infidelity and I am still trying to cope. Love is not an easy thing. Love hurts. Love kills. Love is dangerous. Anyone who reads my book would be amazed at what people will do when they don't think they will get caught.Each day that went by I discovered something new. I was informed that he made passes at my mother, other woman, looked up girls on the Internet, and that he married his mistress the same month his wife killed herself. I wrote to him again twice, even though I knew what he did, and I cried for months while waiting for a response. I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe what had happened. It was all very surreal. To think that the man I first met and fell in love with had done all of these horrible things. To think that some stranger snatched him away and whisked him off to some other state before I even had a fair chance. To think that his wife, my friend, was in so much pain that she felt compelled to take her own life in order to escape the turmoil. I had to endure a lot of stress following his departure. I cried every day and night, and developed a panic disorder that forced me to take a semester off from school.That is my story. This is my question. I want to know how a person can do this? How can somebody just up and leave everything they know behind? How do you forget about your friends, family and wife? How do you let the children you had with your dead wife call your new mistress bride their mother? How do you isolate and keep your kids away from their grandparents? How do you not respond to emotional letters when somebody is pouring their heart and soul out to you? I just don't understand. If somebody else does, I would love to know the answer.
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affair, crush, fell in love, heartbroken, infidelity, mistress, moved in, moved out, the internet Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, the one who doesn't know  +, writes (9 November 2008):
 do you truly want to know? it's because, like i always say, love is the most powerful force of nature. love is like those persons, who talk to everyone, but rarely choose a side. that is love. love is the closet you can be to any other feeling, and from love to any bad feeling, it's just a step. from love hatred. from love to obsession. from love to shame. fromlove to madness...so when someone says, that they are in love, that love is the most beatiful thing ever, i laugh at they're faces, because love is a dark path to walkthrough...and this guy, got lost, and in a desperate attempt to find his way, found another lost one. because this mistress, who says she's the one to blame? she was in love... and then, to prove she was a good person, she regreted it, and phoned to his wife. she never wanted the worse for her. and he had nothing to stay for, so, he married her. he did what was right. most of the times...
A
female
reader, dollparts  +, writes (9 November 2008):
 A person like that is selfish and callous either that or doesn't have a heart. Same goes for the mistress that he had. People like that make me sick, your story was amazing but very upsetting when I read about the wife and about your heart break forbiden love is hard and painful, I know. I would love to know what your book is called and if I can find it at a store any where. If you'd like message me and we can talk.
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