A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi,Q.I have found my soul mate but i can't have him!what do i do?I have never written on one of these sites, but I am completely lost as I met my soul mate 4 years ago, but he is together with a good friend.The connection we have is incredible, we once took a very long flight together to (10 hours) and me and him laughed non stop for the whole flight, we can finish off each others sentences and he said to me he never has as much fun with anyone else as he has with me.The problem is i don't want to be "that woman". I am from a christian upbringing, and this has prevented this from going any further as it so easly could have done.Last christmas things got very intense between us, and he told me he was in love with both me and my friend. I understand why, as this girl is a seriously lovely girl- but this doesnt help me.I have tried to run away from this 2 times. I lived in Portugual for 1 year and Rome for 5 months, but every time i come back the same pattern emerges.I feel so guilty, but i can't stop feeling this way.It has now began to effect everything i do-crying most nights and not being able to date new people.I have also started drinking more, i feel like i am on a downward spiral.Sorry for the long posting but I would appreciate any advice...thank you for your time
View related questions:
christian, christmas, soulmate Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2007): Hi,
God its a tough call. I know how you feel. It seems to me that he likes the attention he gets from you, that doesnt mean he doesnt have the same feelings for you. How long is he with your friend? have you thought that if you met another guy that this guy may become a bit jealous? make him realise that its you he wants. Running away wont stop the pattern, but if you stand your ground and meet other people will make things easier for you.
If you start drinking alot, you will become un attractive to him (and to others), and should anything happen while you are drinking alot, he will brush it off that it was you while drunk made a pass.
Dont fall for that one. As for the above comment about counselling, they arent the bees knees, and everything wrong in the world seems to have counsellors fixing them.
You will end up paying good money for them to tell you that you need further help, is cods wallop. Its YOU who has to see what you want in life and go get it.
I hope this has helped you
A
female
reader, auntyluuurve +, writes (3 September 2007):
 well at least you have addressed the main problem "i cant have him". most women would be in denial and still hoping that he would leave his girlfriend for you. but as we can both clearly tell, thats never going to happen.
you cant go on living like this, basing your residence on a man who you will never be with, you need to deal with this fact.
ive had feelings for guys i cant be with so many times. ive had long distance, guys with girlfriends, guys who dont notice me, guys who its innapropriate, the list goes on. and each and every time no matter how much i think we are right for each other, i have had to get over it and move on.
yes you may be thinking i am just talking about crushes, but im not, the guy im thinking of which is most appropriate to your situation well he had a girlfriend too. only we were so perfect for each other you wouldnt believe, we spent hours and hours talking and never ran out of thigns to say, he made me happy and i made him happy, but he still wouldnt dump his girlfriend.
so i got over it because i knew it was fruitless and doing me more harm than good, and this went on for about 3 years so i do understand. i would cry every night and hate myself and sound exactly like you but there really is only one answer and its harsh but snap out of it. what are you going to achieve? do you really think your tears are going to magically get him to dump his girlfriend? this guy is a nasty piece of work if hes stringing along two girls, and we women always fail to see this.
you may need to see a counsellor if its making you this depressed. but running away to another country is pointless unless you actually want to go. try and go out with ur friends and just force yourself to date, go out with guys you wouldnt even like ever just to make friends with them. they may have friends who you could end up going out with. just force yourself to get over this otherwise you will just pointlessly waste away and theres just no point, i did it for too long and i gained nothing. please try and listen to my advice.
...............................
|
