A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I find this hard to talk about, but i've got no where else to turn; i've finnaly plucked up the courage to ask someone about this, and I need a little advice. Basically, i'm just going to get straight to the point. I'm in love with my foster mother.It started when I was 13. At first I thought this was just infactuated love, but im 16 now and my feelings remain the same, maybe stronger.Not only this but we've been having sex for the past 2 years and she says she feels the same. We've talked about making a family, and start a fresh, a clean slate.I know it might sound wrong but love is love and i know what I feel is strong;I'd die for the womanThis is my problem:I want to tell her husband ( my foster father ) of the affair and our love.How do I tell him and am I/we wrong for doing this?
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female
reader, Hannah1987 +, writes (21 June 2008):
Hi
You are only young and sometimes when someone shows you some affection you can get confused! Everybody likes attention.
What happens next will have a big impact on your life whatever you decide. Your foster mum is the adult here and should never have put you both in this situation.
I think questions need to be asked of your foster mums suitability to her job. Sleeping with a 14 year old boy is a criminal offence....how do you know you are the first?
My advice would be to find someone your own age and stop looking for a 'mother'. I would also think about telling your foster dad anyway coz someone needs to talk some sense into this woman.
H x
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2008): Wow, I say go for it. When i was your age I liked an older woman not my mother or foster mother. We fell in love when I was just 13 nothing happened for a few years. Despite the 23 year age difference we have been happy together since. I am now in my late 30's. Again I say go for it. She is not your blood mother so why not if you really are in love. If you are not sure how to let anyone know, do what we did. She got pregnant by me and we had no choice but to tell.
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A
female
reader, LilzDon'tKnow  +, writes (18 June 2008):
 I think you and your mother are confusing love with being in love. A big difference between the two. When she adopted you im sure she had some maternal feeelings (motherly love so to speak) but i think she got that confused with being in love with you. As when you got adopted she cared for you and you warmed your heart to her, meaning you liked being cared for and had gotten that confused with being in love with her.
The first step is to stop sleeping with her.
Try to avoid being alone with her for very often.
Secondly I wouldn't let the father know quiet yet, your in danger when you tell him. Because no one knows if he'll react in rage or react out of depression or what. eigther way telling him quiet yet is not the best idea.
Secondly the mother needs to know that she isn't IN love with you she is having maternal feeling in which are complete differences. Secondly there is a hopeline you can call i would highly recomend because that way they can give you further details with the situation its called dawson mcallister hopeline. If you go to his myspace page you'll find his number.
Thirdly Have someone you regularly talk to about the situation. Probably someone you trust completely. and have that person sit down and talk with you and your mother about stopping this. you certainly cannot continue, because not only are you hurting yourself as you are underage and if your father found out might be inclined to send you back for adoption, but you are hurting her by if he found out they might get a divorce probably putting her in a world of finacial hurt.. Im sorry kid its not love.. and yes it is wrong...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2008): Vow, I really feel for you. What you and your foster mother are doing is very wrong, totally WRONG.
However, you are the "child" here and as from the age that it started, this is sexual and emotional abuse.
You should get help.Is there somebody that you can speak to? Maybe a teacher or a social worker, somebody that you can trust.
Your foster mother have been abusing your love and affection and misused it to fullfill her own misplaced needs.
You have to stop this. try to avoid all physicall contact with her, if at all possible try and avoid being alone with her. BUT do get help urgently.
She is destroying your youth and your life!
Be strong and don't delay.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2008): hey hunny, i know im not here 2 judge but i have 2 say thats a little weird. but again not judging. ok i say maybe have your mom tell him but you be present in the room, im just sayin sence its her husband and they took the vowles together its probly going to be easier comming from her. i dont think its totally wrong i mean i do agree with your point of view that love is love....but then again this woman raised u, let u in her home, payed for all your things.....but her husband your dad is also a huge help in this and now hes ganna have to find out that his wife and son are sleeping together behind his back.....im just sayin if he gets upset try 2 understand and you try 2 stay calm and make sure your mom does the same. hope this helped! and praying for you! good luck! love, candy
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (18 June 2008):
 Of course this is wrong, but more so in the case of your foster mother. She's the adult here.
This is a very difficult thing. It's exactly as if you were sleeping with your mother. And the problem is, the one who should be solving the problem, that is, your foster mother, is actually willingly involved in it. I'm not sure if I can tell you to move elsewhere. I do know that you and your foster mother should understand this can't go on.
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