A
female
age
18-21,
anonymous
writes:I am re posting this question with extra details as I need more advice he has a girlfriend of 4 years, we have NOT had sex, he has never threatened me or hit me est... , i think I’m in love i want to know what he thinks and what I can do etc...I am I love with my 20year old cousin. I am 15. I don’t know what to do. He has a girlfriend but he acts like he likes me : he always teases me and we cuddle and other more intimate things. However I don’t know if he feels the same. I need him he is all I can think about I know it’s wrong but I’ve felt this way since I was 5. My feelings have not changed. I don’t know if he genuinely likes me or I am just a game to him, I don’t know if he is just using me , can someone tell me if they think he likes me or iam just a game,We often talk and have good conversations we get on quite well he’s funny and is often teasing he doesn’t text me much, however when we are together he acts like I’m important, he always makes a move and shows he wants me but I don’t know if he just wants me as entertainment, please tell me I’m confused
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2020): You are both a child, and a teenager. You speak in riddles and code, because you are clever enough to protect your possible abuser. You don't know anything but love for your family at 5 years old. You wouldn't know what abuse or inappropriate behavior is, until you're older.
You love your parents, your siblings, your aunts, and uncles. He is kind and attentive to you; and he was able to gain your trust. Only because he is part of your family.
I feel uneasy reading your post; and intuitively I know you're purposely not detailing what "teasing" and "cuddling" means. I don't believe you are 15; I think you are only 13. Trying your best to seem older.
You can't figure out a way to draw him away from his girlfriend; she's older, and you don't know how to compete with her. Maybe you are trying to determine if what happens between you and your cousin is the same as what happens between him and his girlfriend? You want his love for you to be like his love for her. Only you can't tell if it is, or isn't! GOOD! It shouldn't be!
You may have written before, and you're confused about what is being done to you. I don't believe you're in-love, I think you are trying to make sense of what might be inappropriate; but you care for him so much you want to protect him. Maybe he does things to you that he should do to a girlfriend; and he says things to you to keep you from telling anyone. You're older now, and the secrets you keep don't seem as special between you anymore; because he does those things with his girlfriend.
If you are jealous, and trying to arm yourself with a way to destroy him; and nothing inappropriate has ever happened. You have no idea what you could be doing! You now have a teenage-mind, which is too preoccupied and fixated on an older-cousin to be a healthy one. It seems more than a normal crush...it seems dark.
There is the danger of jealousy motivating you to create suspicions and using older people to give you things to say and do you hope might manipulate his attention from her back to you.
There is something very unhealthy hidden in your post; and I think you are a young girl who needs adult-supervision and protection. Something just isn't right.
It isn't psychologically-appropriate or biologically-safe to have romantic-feelings towards siblings and first-cousins. Older-males shouldn't be having so much physical-contact with young-girls; that they would begin to develop strong romantic-feelings towards them. They shouldn't be able to date back to a very young age when that contact began. You are clever, but not clever enough to hide there's something wrong going on between you and your cousin. If it started at 5, he would have been about 13 or 15.
We don't advise young-girls how to tell if adult-males are attracted to them. We tell them where and how to get help! If any of the cuddling or teasing involves your breasts, vagina, mouth, or buttocks...that is considered inappropriate touching, and would land him in very serious trouble. He doesn't deserve to be protected, if that is the case. If you're up to something, it won't make him your boyfriend; no matter how hard you try!
A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (31 December 2019):
 This is super strange.
This has been going on since you were 5 and he was 10? This is creepy as hell. Just because you haven’t had sex doesn’t make this okay, if he’s touched you in any sexual way then this guy is a paedophile. Would you think this was okay if a 20 year old was coming onto your sister if she was a similar age? I doubt it.
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A
female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (31 December 2019):
 I agree with the other aunts OP. The answers are NOT going to change. This is honestly not okay, at all.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2019): I don't like the way you say you 'liked' him since you were 5yrs old and that you still feel that way.
Touching and other intimate things is not ok.
You're insistence that it is all perfectly normal worries me.
Either you are the groomer hoping to get an o.k. from us or you are the victim of very early child abuse.
It is not o.k.
Children should not have sexual feelings for adults or older children.
It is normally a sign of abuse.
Supposing I suggested that you tell it all the child exploitation team will you still try to insist it's all ok and not at all shady?
At 15 you should have something to think about other than your cousin and your secret intimacy.
You have your own life.
You presumably go to school or college so try thinking of your studies and if that is abhorrent try thinking of how other people live where they have plans and dreams of a future that doesn't stem from early abuse or intimate things.
Teasing is ok provided it is not about your body, what's between your legs or in your ass or down your throat.
That kind of teasing is grooming.
I regret not knowing you or I could fix you up some help so that you could be like someone who has not been groomed.
You are not in love with your cousin.
You are seeking help to understand the truth.
It's probably time to talk to a trusted adult (not your cousin or his friends but someone considerably more trustworthy).
If you need confidentiality I suggest you talk to your doctor and ask for talking therapy because you have trouble concentrating (due to abuse).
Then you can explain in detail your 'other more intimate things'.
There are adults who can help you.
If you go through counselling you can learn to help yourself.
And as for your cousin: no, he is not in love with you.
He has a proper girlfriend.
If you fabricated the 'other more intimate thing's: then you should be able to clear that up.
But all of the inappropriate touching, cuddling and teasing is wrong and you cannot pass that off as normal because a judge would not see it that way.
Also 'feeling special' means nothing.
Kids always feel special with a present or a hug.
It does not include sexual touching or the prospect of future sex, so please unmuddle your mind and get your head out of the clouds because you are definitely portraying yourself in a difficult light.
Perhaps you are fantasising at fifteen and trying to justify it.
Whatever you are saying be clear that saying you liked someone age 5 and you still feel that way at age 15 and you are 'in love' with him just doesn't wash.
It's all wrong.
If your cousin is a real lad that knows nothing of your secret 15yr old fantasy then I suggest he avoids you as much as he possibly can because you are way out of touch with reality and have just started a rumour that he is an abuser.
But facts being facts you are young and you will get beyond this if you think enough of yourself to stop doing it.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (29 December 2019):
 OP, we HAVE told you. It is NOT okay. He is an ADULT and you are a CHILD. You don’t feel like a child, but you are one. You need to tell your parents if he flirts with you. He is your cousin, he is not single and, most importantly, he is TOO OLD for you.
Our advice will not change. You CAN get over your crush, but you will not get over it until you ACCEPT that he does NOT love you and that any “relationship” will be ILLEGAL and he will be USING you because you’re young and naive.
Please, OP. Listen to us. If he does ANYTHING that cousins SHOULD NOT DO, then you have to report it to your parents. It is WRONG for him to “want you” - you are his MINOR cousin. If he does, he is interested in a CHILD, no matter how mature you feel. Be honest with yourself: how FURIOUS would you be if your nephew was PREYING on your young, teenage daughter? If he does ANYTHING romantic, even just flirting, it’s inappropriate and an adult needs to tell him to back off.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (29 December 2019):
 Are you posting in the hope that someone will say "Yes, this is fine, he loves you"? Unless it's someone having a laugh, that is not going to happen.
Just FYI, sex does not have to be only about full intercourse. I don't know what you mean by "other more intimate things" but if this involves him touching you sexually or getting you to touch HIM sexually, then he is a groomer.
Does the fact that he doesn't bother texting you when you are apart but is all over you when he can get "intimate" tell you he is only after a bit of illegal underage sexual gratification? Ask him to drop his girlfriend for you. If he loves you, he will do that. Go on. See what happens.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (29 December 2019):
 Did you not read the answers to your first post, OP?
Nothing has changed. It's STILL not OK.
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