A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm in love with my boyfriend but I miss my ex. My ex and I dated for one year and broke up 15 months ago. I met my boyfriend 6 months ago and we have been dating for 4 months. My emotions are clear yet they confuse me. I'm in love with my boyfriend. I feel differently about him compared to with anyone else I've ever dated. He is the first person I've imagined/planned a future with. Our relationship is very fulfilling in all ways possible. We are basically very happy.However, I think about my ex when I'm not with my boyfriend, fanticizing romantically. It's strange! I think about him more than my boyfriend. My ex and I didn't have much closure when we broke up. We kind of just stopped talking after a big argument about something that has always been an issue. A few months after our "breakup", we became friends again and met up about once a month just to have lunch. Eventually our relationship faded and he became only a memory. About 3 months ago, I learned of his new relationship and felt crushed, even though I hadn't thought of him for months! Since I found out about his new relationship, I dream about him approximately once a week. Most of these dreams are my ex and I discussing how we should be together again, leave our current relationships, our regrets, and what we should have done. A few times I dreamed about him getting married which crushed me. Right before my ex got in a relationship with his gf, he posted a photo with the caption "Road trip. When I'm back, I will have moved on. Thanks D." D is our friend who is dating my best friend. A week later he posted a status "It's time to start anew." I know I'm likely overthinking it but I feel that he was referring to me, especially since it was the first photo and status he had EVER posted (not much of a Facebook user). I on the otherhand use it often and he knows. Then a month later, although he was in a relationship, his friend posted a photo of him with his friends at a bar with the caption "Three guys trying to forget our ex-lovers." If I were his gf, I would have been weirded out, but she rarely logs in Facebook. He has not dated anyone between his current gf and I.The thing is... I don't "feel" anything for my ex. When we met up as friends, I truly felt like we were just friends and I didn't want anything more. Is it because I haven't seen him for awhile and am romanticizing over what could have been? I know not having closure is a big factor but it's too late to do anything about that. I'm fine and content on a day-to-day basis but seeing his gf makes me feel empty. I can imagine myself feeling sick the day he gets married!Besides deleting him from Facebook and cutting off contact, how can I forget about my ex? If he and I were both single, maybe I could hint something, but we are not and I love my boyfriend. I know someone will say that I'm emotionally cheating but I won't deny it because I honestly don't know HOW I feel. But despite this weirdness with my ex, I truly love my boyfriend. Why am I suddenly liking my ex again after half a year of not thinking of him at all? I'm scared he will be like poison, someone I can't forget for many years to come. I know my bf doesn't have to know, but it would hurt him so much if he knew someone else was on my mind once he left.Thank you everyone :)
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best friend, broke up, crush, facebook, miss my ex, my ex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, cinc71  +, writes (24 May 2012):
 I think you need to cut all ties. Maybe talking to a shrink would help you figure things out. Maybe you feel possessive about your ex and it bugs you that he has someone new. Focus on the future not the past. Your current boyfriend needs all of you. Good luck :)
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