A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am 26 and have been best friends with a girl of the same age for 10 years. If people see us, they assume we are a couple, we are in contact every day and see each other as often as we can, maybe several times a week, for food, shopping, or just to spend time with each other (I have been told it's a good sign that we can sit in a room and not feel the need to say anything to each other, that is a level of being comfortable with each other isn't it? We also laugh over the most stupid things like a couple of kids!!) Over the last 18 months I have realised I love her, and this year she has been suffering from depression and has been off work and really quite poorly. During this time, we have become closer and she has really opened up to me about how she feels. In the past, she has slept around quite a bit, maybe 15 - 20 ppl, many one night stands, I never approved of this but it got brushed under the carpet, it was as if she was 2 different people and I almost never believed it as she is not tarty or slutty, she is the last person you would believe would sleep around, however, she has now stopped this (over 6 months) and one night we had a deep conversation, unplanned, and she told me she hates herself and slept around only to feel wanted, she says she never felt wanted by her family (who are split up) and she regrets her past. She knows they only wanted her for sex and it was all a mistake but she seems to think that is all she is worth. I opened up and told her I had felt jealous when she had gone off with these people and that I felt pushed to the bottom of the pile, and in shock she said "what? the bottom of the pile?? no, you are right at the top of the pile, you are the closest person to me, ever" and she told me she loved me. I could tell from her eyes she was telling the truth. I told her I never thought she would look at me in *that* way because obv now she is very much more experienced and although I;m ok looking she has been with better I'm sure, and she said "do u really think I am that shallow". She got very emotional during these chats which is not like her. A few days later, I asked her to be my girlfriend and she said she really appreciates me saying it, however, at the moment she needs time to get her head straight and to focus on getting herself well (as I have said she is on strong medication and hardly ever at work so this is genuine) but she didn't laugh the idea off which I thought she would for some reason (maybe my own insecurity)? She also doesn't believe the compliments I give her, she thinks I say them to make her feel better which is not true. She told me that her feelings are rock bottom so no-one could hurt her anymore. People including mutual friends have said that given how close we are, the thought of me going off with another girl and her with another lad is just stupid as we are meant to be together, i know some people say don't risk a good friendship but we are so close there is no chance of that, and maybe we could have something so special?!, I believe no one has ever loved her as a person and she thinks she is unloveable (more so she doesn;t love or even like herself thinking she is only good for one night stands) but I do love her so much!! I just think I need to be there for her but give her time and see what happens but am interested to hear other peoples opinions.
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at work, best friend, her past, jealous, one night stand, split up Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2009): You sound so sincere and genuine that you know yourself the right option. I agree that you should give her time to get better. She's in a dark place at the moment suffering with depression and will appreciate your friendship. Give her moments of light by taking her out for a coffee or seeing a movie. By showing her you care, which is obvious you do already, it will hopefully bring her back to her old self quicker.Once she is better you can both build a relationship together. You know where you stand with her as you were brave enough to discuss it already and I wish you the best of luck in the future.
A
female
reader, pancakes rule  +, writes (28 November 2009):
 I think you need to support her in every way possible, but I think you can go for it with her, you sound like you could be a great couple, just take it slowly.
good luck
xx
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A
female
reader, domybest +, writes (28 November 2009):
I think you are completely right. All you can do at this time is the just be there for her as the friend that you have been for the past ten years.You sound like such a lovely guy and she sounds like a lovely girl and I think given that you are so close and your feelings are mutual it could really work for the both of you. And her messy sexual past is completely irrelevant because you fell in love with her knowing that. You love her for who she is not for what she has done.I say stick by her through this tough time and when the times right it will happen.Good luck to you both!xx
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