A
female
age
30-35,
*rapegirl
writes:It's been hard for me.I have been in a relationship for nearly 2 years with a man who's much older than me and never married. I was so attached to him and loved him. He cared a lot about me too. He's been good to me when we are together. We talk,walk around,shopping,watch movies,have dinners and have sex when we get together. I am sure I have real feelings for him and he seems not to ignore it.We really had good time.But he didn't tell me his real thought about our relationship until 6 months ago in the Halloween eve that we could not work out because of the huge age difference,different nationalities,etc. He wanted to find a girlfriend in his own age and would still care about me and had always liked me(not loved me). He said we could be just friends. I was broken and frozen to death by his words. I stopped contacting him for a few weeks and tried to end everything. After that he called me saying that he wanted to talk with me about things between us.I told him that there's nothing left between us now. He insisted that we could still be friends. Then I left.Things didn't go well as I expected. He keeps calling me for all kinds of help (he doesn't speak local language) and I have to meet him to give him a hand. Then we went back to the old track again. We chat,shop around, watch movies, have dinners and still have sex.I know I shouldn't have done those things but I just couldn't get over it. I am still in love with him which he could not accept.Everytime when I come back to my own place from his, I would be extremely upset and lost. It seems that I will never get over him and I have so little self-esteem.He's been having sex with other women from the right beginning to now.What should I do? Please help me! Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (5 May 2011):
 You are 22-25. I am over twice your age and I can tell you that you have your entire life ahead of you. Live it with compassion and understand of yourself, forgiving yourself would be a good place to start. And yes, cut contact with him. You haven't yet reached the place of self-knowledge and security needed to handle users like him.
You have inner strength you have not recognized yet. You just need to become aware of it and begin to nurture yourself as you grow into the woman you were meant to be. Go be fabulous.
A
female
reader, grapegirl +, writes (5 May 2011):
grapegirl is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you all for the sincere replies.
It's time for me to let go and move on.
Another thing he'd done to me is that I no longer trust men. I was stupid and weak to allow him to use me.
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A
female
reader, grapegirl +, writes (5 May 2011):
grapegirl is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for the sincere replies!
I tried a lot not to talk to him or see him again and struggled a lot. I was too weak and fooled by his sweet words.
It's time to let him go. I have to do it now.
I don't trust men any more just because of him. He hurt me so much that I might not recover.
Thank you guys!
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (5 May 2011):
You don't have to meet him to give him a hand. He's a grown up; he can figure out how to navigate the world he's put himself in by himself.
If you are having low self-esteem issues, allowing yourself to be the maidservant to a selfish man isn't going to help you improve things.
Tell your friends you need some help and support; line up counseling as it sounds like you need it and don't contact him anymore.
Alternatively, tell him your time and interpretation skills will cost him $300-500/hour. You start billing when you leave your home. Ask for a $5000 retainer in order to begin acting as his business agent. Get a legal expert to write up a contract outlining your business arrangement and ask that he sign it, provide the funding and insist that this be accomplished before you can proceed with anything else.
In other words, recognize your worth and ask for proper compensation for your business help for him.
If you can't, ask for professional help and get counseling.
You have to be in charge of your own destiny. He's crap at it, as he as proved over and over and over again. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (5 May 2011):
 What a horrible man!
He is also a dishonourable man.
Cerebus is correct, he can get around China, I have been there and it was relatively easy without knowing the language, he is just using that as a trap to get you into his bed.
You need to be strong, when he contacts, do not answer, do not respond to text or email. If he knocks on your door do not answer it.
He isnt interested in being your friend, if he was your friend he would care about your feelings, he is just a user and you will be better off without him in your life.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, hope_i_could_help  +, writes (5 May 2011):
 First of all it's is also your fault for not getting over him and moving him. You keep seeing him whenever he needs help or something.
If you really want help, you can change your number, insist that you don't want to see him and tell him the reason why! Then maybe meet with other people and hang out with new friends.
I'm sure that will help you.
Just be consistent with your decision.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (5 May 2011):
 You stop contacting him and ignore him when he contacts you. He's just using you now and you know it. It isn't hard for a foreigner to get around China without speaking the language, he'll get by so don't let him use that excuse. This isn't love anymore, just uncertainty. You're just used to feeling that way and I know a part of you doesn't want to let go but you have to shut that part out. Stop thinking about him, distract yourself from those thoughts and eventually, they'll go away. Move on.
I hope that helps.
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