A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hey. This may seem odd to a lot of people out there, but I think I'm in love with a 16 year-old girl. I'm friends with her mother who delivers baked goods to my shop. Sometimes "Diana", the mother, will send "Jocelyn", her daughter, to my shop to drop off things. Jocelyn smiles at me and looks at me in a way I can't describe, but I know I can't touch her.Her step dad is a real jerk, and once in a while she'll come to me and talk about it. I feel like I have a real connection with her, but I don't know what to do. I've told her she's a beautiful girl. I'm worried that if we're alone for too long I might do something. Even a slight brush of her leg against my hand causes me to shake. Please help, I don't know if I should tell her, or just leave her alone. I really care for her. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2010): Some people will find it strange because of your ages,, but its not illegal..
A
female
reader, Emii.L.G +, writes (28 December 2009):
 listen, i totally understand, kinda
but i think you should wait a wile befor you make your move, or it will look kinda strange
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2009): I believe you should continue your relationship but wait untill she turns 21. Its just being fair to her to mature so that she can decide. you will be 41 by then, though the age difference still would be double, but she will be in a good position to decide. Wish you good luck and untill then do not do anything stupid
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A
male
reader, JCV  +, writes (8 August 2009):
Uhhhm, first of all, I kind of understand how you feel man. I've been liking this girl too, when she was 15 and i'm 21.A year after, we're still on the same spot, and that i don't want to do anything about how i feel, since it doesn't seem right to me. I don't want to fight with her Family about it and i totally understand that their Daughter is young.Now i'm 22 and she's 16, turning 17 next month. Next year she'll be 18, and i'll be 23.I do feel for this girl but i'd let her enjoy her younger year without thinking of any relationship or love stuff. In you situation though, The age gap isfar. Almost half of her age if you would think. Again, I'm sorry that it inappropriate just to think about it.My suggestion would be that if you really feel for this girl, if it's possible to wait 'till she's in her 20's. Then it sounds just about alright. SHe's more matured and would be ready for a relationship.Goodluck to us!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2009): I was in a similar situation a few years back when i met a girl at a friends house. I was 23 at the time and she 15, but after a couple of hours chatting and laughing about general things we realized we'd fell for one another. Later we both agreed it would be wrong to take it any further so we didn't. It wasn't the fact that she was physicaly 15yo why i found her attractive but the fact that she had the mind of a 20yo and i loved her personality.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2009): I feel for you bro coz assuming it's the first time you've had feelings for such young woman your not pedophile. But wondering why you've got these feelings and thinking everyone will be against you must be tough. Best of luck
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2009): It's a tough situation because although the leagal age of consent is 16 (uk) you would still be classed as a pedophile unless the girl/young women in question is 18+, i personally think it should be 18 so the message is clear.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2009): Views about decent & indecent morals will change from one person to the next but my view is that pedophilia is very different. Pedophiles intensionally exploit children & make a habit of it but you seem to have genuine & honest feelings for her so don't worry about that, but you must abide the law. I also don't think waiting until she's 18 will work because in the meantime she will become involved with boys her own age and you will become jellous & over protective of her & it will hurt you to see her doing that. It's probably best that if you know when she's due to come in you go into the back of the shop/store so you can't see each other and let somebody else tend to her. Chances are she won't even notice your not there to greet her. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, meldel  +, writes (24 May 2009):
There's only one thing you can do is wait until she's a legal age and then kiss her. But if you can't wait and there's nothing holding you back, kiss her. It's not liek your in your 40s. You only live once...
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2009): Wow I feel for this guy.Though I think that a guy shouldn't chase a girl with such a great age gap I would like to relate an alternative.I met a girl of almost 17 recently. I'm mid thirties, and really quite happy going out with 30 somethings. Anyway I met this angelic figure when out drinking with my friends. Now despite my best efforts she is chasing me constantly. Initially this scared me, but the more time she is around the more my will is being sapped. It has now got to the point where I really can't risk being around her on my own, because she has told me she aches for me. This sucks. For all you unsympathetic eejits giving people hassle for being alleged Peadophiles, imagine how you would feel if a beautiful, smart and vibrant woman started chasing you..........and you held off only to have her still chase. She's there being your ideal and you push her away, only for her to keep texting to say she misses you, and that she knows this is more than friendship.Shit, I have a date in 36 hours, with a 30 yearold in the hope that this ends things. Though now all I think about is this girl that keeps contacting me, and begging to visit. How would you with the prejudice deal with that? With all your accusations, and your unpleasent words?I want to stay away but I miss my young friend now. This is heartbreaking.........
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female
reader, whomever you want +, writes (9 January 2009):
I feel if the relationship is mutual (meaning you both want it and you both want to do stuff) why would this be rape? Certainly when I was young and wanting to do that stuff, I would've hated to be told I couldn't because of my age. If I am old enough to make that decision to have sex or a relationship, I am old enough to choose with whom. It's not like this dude wants to bang a 10 year old. It's not like it's all his idea...if she is flirting, she is wanting the attention. Most likely though if she didn't have a father figure from a young age, she is mentally making up for it with you. Just remember NO means NO and if she says NO then back the hell off.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2007): If she wants to have sex with you, then she's mature for her age and it's fine to pursue it.
If you want to have sex with her, then you're a pedophile.
Either way you are the only one at fault if there is trouble later, even if she pushed hard for the relationship & sex in the first place.
(Hey, I don't make the rules, I'm just reporting them. Does it all sound pretty unfair to males? Well, IT SURE IS!)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2007): Hey man, it depends on what she really wants.. And that might be hard to find out.. But I can tell you when I was 38, I had this girl.. She got my cell No. from a friend and really was after me.. I did not want it, but she really got me withing three weeks.. And we had beautiful 2 years together.. I would give my life for her and I still love her, but she desided to go on... She is so very special and different person of the other girls her age and we really had many common things to talk about.. She is the love of my life and it has nothing to do with her appeal.. And when we met, she only was 14... I gave her everything and she never wanted or used me for money.. I hope when she gets older after enjoying her life with some other boyfriends, that we get together again.. In the meantime, I cannot even think of relation or just sex with other girl and must wait... :-(And this is what probably awaits you as well and that really will hurt.. I must tell you, that it is very difficult to understand when she will be leaving you for another young and atractive boy and you must not to do things and say the words that would hurt her, when she wants to move on.. If you get together and this will come later, you must not hurt her nor the other boy she will choose. It is nobody fold and you will have to be vwry strong.. But I managed and we are still good friends, she tells me about other boys who just screwed her and how she cries for them.. And in that situation you must be very tough, not to show how much you cry inside as well and be a friend to her..But I am telling you of my experience, if she wants it and wants you now, do it.. None of us knows what will be tommorow, nobody knows what happens. She might not be allive anymore and all those plans that parents have for children are well ment, but life is bigger..Not that I would have problem with girls, If I dress and shape I still can have any from 13 - 30 after my wish.. But this was love and no other girl had a chance.. If you really feel that way about her, try to tell her and you will see...A also met lot of opposition - well you know how it works.. I told the men to shut up and find another :-) and older women they were bitching.. "Hey it is too late for you to have a men at 14, try in another life, but live and let live.."A also can tell you another story.. One of mine very close 47 yr old friend had this girlfriend and she got pregnant at 16 with him (foolish friend and stupid) But you know what..? She loved him and so did he... But her father used to throw her against the wall just for bad characters from school :-( and she was so afraid to tell him, that she jumped off the bridge and she is gone forever.. And her father..? Drinking every day last 8 years, divorced, lost everything and I hear him saying at the pub. "I would not mind my beloved daughter to bring home whoever she wishes, just I had her back.." He got clever, but to late... My friend shut himself after the funeral...Hey good luck and prepare for losing lot of "friends", prepare for critics and relation against the odds.. And if you really love her, you'll go for it, I know :-)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2007): You are acting like an immature jerk. Surely you know the difference between love and lust! She IS a kid, despite her looks. Sounds to me like you need to get out more...go find a woman, not a child.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2007): Here in the UK a relationship wouldn't be illegal as the age of consent is 16. That said, she's not much more than a child. There are no doubt plenty of girls out there who do like older men although as AngelDust says it might be best to continue being a good friend until she's say, 18 and then see how you both feel about things.
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A
male
reader, Tommy7 +, writes (11 October 2007):
Stay friends with her until she is at least 18 before asking her for a date. Don't rush things. You don't want to take an unfair advantage of her.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2007): With all due respect, you ought to realize this is a physical attraction and I am sure she is very endearing, but you can only hurt her and age her beyond her years if you make her aware of/act on your desires. It is normal to be attracted outside of societal restrictions (within limits, ie a mature looking young teen) but I encourage you to consider - this is not a phenomenon that you feel this way in spite of "the rules," and that the laws exist to protect developmental experiences from happening too fast in a society that is both youth and sex obsessed. Please know, she would likely respond to your liking - but for all the wrong reasons: insecurity, liking the attention, curiousity, to impress her friends. But don't fool yourself - every hour spend crossing the line with her will mean exponential hours for her in therapy later, or worse. And I should know. Be her gaurdian angel. Be there as a model of the kind of man you'd have her choose - and I promise in due time, the rest will pass and you will both grow up a little more. Someday, the notion of sex with her may revile you as you grow protective. In all "Lolita" stories the young girl is secretly disgusted by the body of a much older man - sorry, but it is true.
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female
reader, Mushgirl +, writes (10 October 2007):
 Aww that sucks for you. I wouldn't rule out the possibility that she feels the same, because I'm 16 and I know plenty of girls who find older men attractive. But, as everyone else advises. wait. Til she's 18, then see.
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A
female
reader, i might be a girl but i can help +, writes (8 October 2007):
 im sorry but to many people you could be classed as a prev and if you touch her it bang locked up. you could wait till she is 18 but by than she would find a boyfriend and hopefully you would have moved on.
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A
female
reader, zoe01133 +, writes (8 October 2007):
I think you should wait until she's 18 too.And I refer you to visit the age gap relationship site, agelessfriends.com , where you may learn much more about age gap . It may help you find out a way to deal with your matter.
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A
female
reader, lisa21 +, writes (8 October 2007):
she is young enough to be your daughter and if this child was my daughter and you tried anything i'd be after you. its disgusting that a man likes a child in that way.
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female
reader, Tigerlily +, writes (8 October 2007):
This is one of those times you really need to dig deep, be a man and take one for the team. You need to stay away from this young girl. Aside from the obvious legal problems, what kind of relationship do you seriously think you could share with a 16 year old girl? You can't take her to the prom. She can't go for dinner and cocktails with your adult friends. It just won't work, you know this.
Start to be cold to her, stop talking to her about her problems with her step-father. Tell her you are much too busy to chat, keep your physical distance from her. Be a jerk if you have to. Sign up for an online dating service and start taking women your own age out on dates. Your feelings will fade in time, and you will avoid ruining your friendship with her mother, going to jail and messing with a young girls head.
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female
reader, flower girl +, writes (8 October 2007):
 You should steer well clear of this one, imagine you have a daughter of your own at that age and a man of your age takes a liking to her how would you feel about it.
Maybe it would be an idea if when she comes in your shop, you could if there is someone else there get them to deal with her.
Girls have a tendancy to flirt with older men and it can be taken the wrong way, and if you act on this you could find yourself in a whole lot of trouble.
Take care.xx.
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male
reader, Escalaya +, writes (8 October 2007):
 Wait until she's 18, brotha` man. If you touch her in an inappropriate way, even if she consents, if her parents find out they can take legal action against you. I don't know what the legal ages, and stuff like that is in your country, so.. You might need to research the law around your area.
But here in the US (generally) the legal age-gap is 3 years, at the most until both partners are 18+
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2007): Caring for her as a fatherly or teacherly manner is the only appropriate way with this. This is probably how she sees you too. Be aware that if you were to "do something" (apart from being illegal) it would be taking advantage of her. If you do truly care about this girl it would be best to not ever put yourself in a situation where you might lose control. Once she is in her twenties and you still feel the same way, that might be when you should tell her. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, XxAngelDust89xX +, writes (8 October 2007):
 honey, I'm sorry to have to say this but you are way too old for her. Continue beeing a good friend but there is way too much of an age differnce between you, and with the stepdad being such a jerk it might cause even more problems for her if he ever got wind. you are aware that if the two of you ever did anything, that he can throw you in jail?
I'm sorry
XxAngelDust89xX
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