A
female
age
36-40,
*igh..
writes:I have been dating my bf for 5 years now. Last year June, he proposed and i said yes but since then we haven't gone ahead with anything as I'm 22 and I fear that marriage is a huge step, I just wanna be a little more older. So we've been going through a rocky phase every now and then due to me not knowing what I want.I live with my dad and I visit my mum now and then and since last year we have been speaking to our parents about marriage. My mother doesn't like my bf at all as she is against marriage and feels that he is just like my father ( yet i dnt agree as i find him to be the complete opposite).My bf has issues at home, serious issues, and has recently shut me out. I feel so lost and I'v literally become insecure. I haven't ever been like this before but since he doesn't pay any attention to me I dnt know what to do anymore. I cry all the time when I'm alone and I just feel like he is going to leave me. I just feel like I'm trying too hard to make things right again. I actually feel pathetic because I am not this person. :( We started talking again but things just feel so different. He is angry most times and speaks to me, as well as his sister and mother so rudely. I dnt know how to win him over. I try my hardest not to upset him :( but it doesn't work. Its as though he is giving me mix signals about us. But when I asked about whether we still gonna get married next year or not he said ofcourse. He loves me to much and Im precious to him.Yes i know that should make me feel better but It doesn't:( I feel like he is just saying that. Plus he has this friend who is a girl, sadly she has lost both her parents in the past 2 years and I do feel sorry for her but she's always calling him, ( i dnt know how often) and he says that they just friends and she aint his type etc) but like so, she's vulnerable and who says things wont change?? and he'll end up liking her?? Please can someone just tell me whats my problem and if im just reading into things??
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female
reader, Sigh.. +, writes (28 June 2010):
Sigh.. is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks :) your responses mean a lot. Things aren't better at all and i feel more unwanted by him than anything else. I can't run after someone who isn't running after me. We have good times then things just go bad cos he gets irritated with me for small things.. I don't know whats his problem. I'm really hurt because all i want to do is be happy and love him. But he doesn't see that. I hope letting go will be easy as I don't have any friends, they either live too far away or are always with their bfs.
A
female
reader, Tashie08  +, writes (17 June 2010):
Make it clear to yourself that if he doesn't change his ways soon, you'll leave him. Once you have made sure you're adament on this, let him know that he has to change and change soon,otherwise you'll be the first person to leave him.
As for marraige, can you honestly say that this relationship is worth that kind of commitment?
I really would put things off for a while as far as marriage is concerned, at least until you both know what you want.
Stop trying to make this relationship work. Like you said, you are ONLY 2, you should be going out with friends and having fun, not sitting around crying for this relationship to work.
I think you should tell this made to shape up or leave you completely, tell him he's got time to think about it, but use that time to go out, have fun and decide what YOU want from YOUR life.
I also think o should listen to your mujm. Yes, he may seem different in your eye, but your mum has been there, seen the signs and probably knows more tan you do as to figuring out personalities. Trust me, i have been there a couple of times myelf, mum tells me he's no worth it and why, i say he isn't but then after time find out he is.
Just live your life for YOU right now. is tre colours will shine through one way or another, but at least if you do go your separate ways and you have already started living your life for you, you're already half way there.
Good luck x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2010): Ok girl, no guy should make you cry if he loves you. You might be reading into things too much here, but, you never no things might change but, then again they might not. Maybe they are just friends and thats all. If he decides to leave you then things always happen for a reason and he might come back and thats when you will love him the most, but if he doesn't then don't sit at home eating ice-cream watching sad romantic movies, your a free woman now have a party invite all your friends over.Hope this helped :)
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